Black Market Funnel Cakes

nature

2010-08-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

we hear a hollow bang against the window behind our ears. the kind of sound made only by a human knocking or a disoriented bird that has flown into the glass. we know instantly that it must be the latter. we abandon our momentary duties and rush to the source of the noise. as we look down, the bird is laying on its side, a few vivid red drops of liquid visible centimeters away from its rapidly opening and closing beak. all we can do is watch and implore this small speckled brown creature to recover. please don't die. please. please get up. what can we do? is there nothing we can do? from around the corner, a black terrier emerges and lifts its leg at the nearby tree. the bird is gasping for breath and spasming on the ground in the dog's peripheral vision, causing the dog to briefly investigate, then ultimately lose interest and trot away. for a moment, in between gasps, the bird shifts its position and appears to be trying to rise from the ground and flutter its wings to attempt flight. we breathe a cautiously hopeful sigh, but the feeling doesn't last longer than a breath. please don't die. come on motherfucker. its breath becomes increasingly labored and slowly dissipates with each second. we wait and watch and there's nothing more we can do but to watch this animal grope with its reddened tongue and throat for the life that is so quickly escaping its small body from the blow that was enough to render it nearly motionless. the bird is almost completely still now as its lungs and heart fade in function and its eyes close. and it fights no more for air. and finally, the bird is still and lives no longer, passing into the void from which it will never return. our bird friend is dead. it's the strangest feeling to watch something die. almost like a rite of passage. i feel a connection to this animal, like i became its only family. like because we were there it wasn't alone. which, to me, is a simultaneously comforting and perfectly devastating thing.

i like the way this makes me feel

2010-07-25T18:38:00.001-07:00

Bhakti - Krishna (1969)

2010-06-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

some cage wisdom

2010-06-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

i'm excited. i have a lot of good things going on. a lot of things to create, to look forward to. that are happening. and good people in my life. feelin pretty bodacious.

via the curtis

a lil sweet

2010-06-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

Mimosa Pudica

2010-05-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

wish i was this cool

2010-05-28T18:55:00.001-07:00

sexucation

2010-05-24T17:27:00.000-07:00

WERK

2010-05-20T14:52:00.001-07:00

Norman McLaren - Dots (1940)

2010-05-16T23:27:00.000-07:00

some pixies

2010-05-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

alllllrighty

2010-05-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

i have friends that make me smile

2010-05-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

E M I L Y ( b y : c o l b y )

funfriendfact : emily was my original partner behind blackmarketfunnelcakes. in buffalo, NY. when emily was living in brooklyn, in an attempt to convince me to move there, she brilliantly suggested a business plan. we'd make a billion dollars. we would buy a fryer on wheels and peddle homemade funnel cakes to drunk people in the alleyways behind the city's most popular bars. it was genius, couldn't fail. the name came to me in a dream. on a joint trip to buffalo, we decided to invent a fashion blog and capture street style photographs of the natives for fun. they bought it. and thus blackmarketfunnelcakes was born. emily is a darling doll. obviously.

there are two kinds of people

2010-04-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

indian idol WINS

2010-04-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

soleNERD

2010-04-21T22:07:00.000-07:00

solenoids make symphonies from scanjets, etc... totally nerding out right now. HOW?! (the last one is the motherload)

golden girls gone gay

2010-04-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

thankyou michael briggs for making this video film

2010-04-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

sprout and the bean (joanna newsom) cover

beatitude

2010-04-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get."

-Mark Twain

from here to mozambique

2010-04-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

kinetics render us unconscious
harboring breath for the unflinchingly sane
purging madness mildly speaking
restfully buried in a flesh home

worked and worried underminings
fasten wasteful weaponry to forgetful wherewithal
as the reciprocals stir and mingle deftly
escaping on a gale force gust

it's what's in between

2010-04-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

whoa-lfgang tillmans

2010-04-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

my goodness

2010-04-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

i can't believe i hadn't seen this until last night. opus...

first wednesdays

2010-04-07T10:26:00.001-07:00

which one are me

2010-04-04T20:18:00.001-07:00

i can't move my neck

2010-04-03T19:00:00.001-07:00

silly message times. love, la maladie tropicale ::

this makes my dad giggle

2010-03-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

paul slocum-last chair

what about germ rights?

2010-03-17T07:29:00.001-07:00

found things

2010-03-16T17:13:00.001-07:00

a couple of photos i'd forgotten that i'd made. a series that died in its birthing stages...

magic is real

2010-03-14T16:30:00.000-07:00

i'm a real boy

2010-03-09T07:35:00.000-08:00

at work anyway:

who needs to know

2010-03-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

i have difficulty when i feel that i'm not making good things. that's how i felt tonight. it frustrated me. i don't have a specific vision for what i want to create, and i'm not even sure it's necessary. but i do know that i want to create things that i'm proud of. that would inspire me. that have the potential to inspire others. i want there to be a continuity in what i make and what i show. there's just a disconnect between the two that i am having a hard time reconciling. frustrating.

had a really good conversation with eddie tonight about precisely that, after i'd had my own personal thing. he asked me what inspires me. i thought for a minute. i told him; things that i never would have thought of myself. other people. nature. music and art, of course. those close to me that are creating beautiful, interesting, wonderful things. he told me that he'd been reading walden, and noticing the beauty in the words, became inspired himself to write. in order to re-imagine that beauty in his own way. he asked me what i did when i got stumped. i told him that i either pushed through it or gave up. that if i keep trying long enough, i'll find something. maybe not was i was originally looking for. but something. i told him he should write. not for anyone else, but for himself. he's a voracious reader. he wants to be creative with something. he's a very good writer actually. not surprising. i realized i should probably take my own advice. i'm grateful that we had that conversation, which in turn allowed me to finish something i'd been working on.

if i could decide something for myself and will its realization into being, i'd wish that i would envision something, a song, a series of photographs, whatever; that means something to me. DO it. make it real so that they all make sense. i know that i make things. but they are all so sporadic and spontaneous that nothing fits together. maybe it doesn't have to. maybe it will someday. but it feels like i want it to.

tis the season to be melting

2010-03-08T13:48:00.001-08:00

melting season--beside the ferrymen

SO GOOD.

layman's philosophy of mind at a glance?

2010-03-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

courtesy of NPR.org :

The Philosophy of Mind, 1
March 8, 2010
By Stuart Kauffman

My purpose in the next several posts is to begin to explore major issues in the Philosophy of Mind. My hope is that it may be possible to bring to bear material from past posts to help resolve deep issues that have been with us at least since Descartes, in 1650. To do so, we need a brief outline of these issues.

Descartes famously postulated two kinds of "substance" in the universe, res extensa and res cogitans. Res extensa is, roughly the physical world. Res cogitans is, roughly, mind and consciousness. This view of two kinds of substances is called "dualism".

It was clear to Descartes that his dualism raised the deep issue of how mind/consciousness acts on the physical matter of the body, including the issue of how the mind can have a morally responsible free will. His own proposal was that the mind acted on the body via the pineal gland, a single gland in the brain.

With respect to res extensa, Descartes was an early mechanist: the world, and the bodies of animals and humans were conceived of as clock like machines, gears, escapements and so forth.

This early view was profoundly enriched by Newton's three laws of motion, universal gravitation, and the invention by Newton and Leibnitz of the calculus.

Recall that Aristotle had considered four causes, formal, material, final and efficient: the formal cause of a house is the blueprint, the material cause of the house are the bricks and mortar, the final cause of the house is your decision to build it, and the efficient cause is the actual process of building the house. As I have mentioned, Aristotle also offered a model for explanation in science: deduction: All men are mortal, Socrates is a man, therefore Socrates is mortal. As Robert Rosen pointed out in 'Life Itself', with Newton's laws in differential equation form, initial and boundary conditions, one has, say for a table of billiard balls, the initial positions and momenta of all the balls, the boundary conditions of the billiard table, then the physicist integrates the differential equations to get the trajectories the balls will follow. But as Rosen points out, integration is exactly Deduction. So Newton mathematized Aristotle's efficient case as integration of the differential equations for a system, and that became the "new" mechanical world view", for example Celestial Mechanics.

Note two things about Newton's triumph. First, from the perspective of an Alfred North Whitehead, or myself, who are both interested in exploring ontologically REAL Possibles giving rise to Ontologically real Actuals that give rise to Ontologically real Possibles, Newton's and Einstein's worlds are only Actuals. Thus, for Newton, what IS the Actual state of the billiard ball system in terms of positions and momenta, causally determines the next Actual state of the system, as revealed by integration of his equations of motion. Second, for Newton all events have sufficient Actual causes. There is no uncaused event. The forward and past (due to time reversibility of Newton's laws) trajectories of the billiard balls is entirely determined by the present state of the billiard balls's positions and momenta, and a sequence of Actuals that beget the next or preceding Actual.

With this in mind, let's return to a Cartesian dualism: We have a res extensa, described by Newton's deterministic equations. Now pass to a deterministic set of equations describing the dynamical neural behavior of the brain. Then we confront the profound problem: How does mind/consciousness - as we exprience it with our sense of free will - cause matter, res extensa to change? The standard philosophy of mind arguments are straightforward: 1) The brain, as a physical system is causally sufficient to generate the next Actual state of the brain, so there is nothing for mind to do. 2) Besides, there is no causal means by which Mind/Consciousness can act on matter.

We're stuck! One response was Idealism: this was Bishop Berkeley's theory that all is Res Cogitans, and what seem to be Res Extensa are so because they are held in the mind of God. There are a variety of Idealist positions spawned by Berkeley.

The modern view is called the "mind-brain" identity theory. It holds that causal events in the brain, say circuits of neurons firing creating a nonlinear dynamical system among about 10 to the 11th power neurons, constitute the causal behavior of the (classical) neurons, much like Newton, where Actuals give rise to the next Actuals in a state space of the firing activities of all 10 to the 11th power neurons at each moment, hence a flow along trajectories in this state space. But, since the mind and brain are identical, this very dynamical activity is mind and consciousness.

The mind-brain identity view is dominant today, and I agree with it, although not as formulated above.

A subspecies of this mind-brain identity theory is called "connectionism". Here is the idea. A neuron firing or not can be thought of as the truth or falseness of a proposition, say, "An edge at angle X is here in the visual field". Then the firing of all the neurons is like a computer calculating, a Turing machine, and vastly many computable functions can be carried out by the brain, calculating the true or falseness of vastly many propositions.

The neurological correlate of this is easily seen by receptor fields. Hubel and Wiesel showed in the 1950s that a given neural ganglion at the back of your eye could be stimulated to fire by points of light directed at small spots on your retina, but inhibited from firing by directing the light at a small circle on your retina surrounding the central excitatory spot. This is an on center off surround receptor field. Later they showed that there are receptor fields that respond to short lines of light with specific spatial orientations, and these are called edge detectors, for it was soon realized that a set of these receptor fields firing together could detect a straight edge spanning a number of edge receptor fields oriented in the same direction.

This triumph led to the "grandmother" cell theory, in which a specific neuron would fire if and only if you looked at your grandmother. This theory has fallen into disfavor, as such cells have not been found. More, this Connectionist vision of the brain typically is associated with the claim that the mind is algorithmic, a computational machine like a classical computer. In a later blog I will suggest that this view is deeply wrong, the mind is not algorithmic. But that is for later...

So what are the philosophic problems with the mind-brain identity theory?

"Well", a philosopher of mind commonly says, "let's take the "meat-brain" part of the mind-brain identity. Once again, it seems as if the Actual state of the brain is causally sufficient for the next Actual state of the brain, so again, there is nothing for mind to do." (You may wonder why the philosopher gets to ask this question if mind and brain are identical, but an actual survey of a modest number of good philosophers shows that they do ask this question.)

Worse, there seems no way for mind to act on the brain - just as in dualism.

One response is to say the conscious mind is a mere "epiphenomenon", of no power on its own to cause anything in the world of matter. Here, consciousness is either an illusion, or in any case, ineffective in the real world. This may be the position of Tom Clark and Ursula, my co-blogger, in her recent post when she says of Ursula, "she did this and that", meaning her brain did it, not Ursula. (I may have misunderstood a very good friend, who will surely tell me if I've misunderstood.)

So what about morally responsible free will? Here is the standard dilemma. The mind-brain is a deterministic dynamical system, a la Newton, but different "neural" equations. So you were determined by that dynamics to kill the old man in the wheel chair. Not your fault. You didn't do it. No responsible free will.

Alternatively, we have a little or a lot of quantum chance, in the simplest case, like the random decay of a radioactive nucleus. So you are sauntering down the street, and by random chance, kill the same old man in the wheel chair. Not your fault, just a random event.

Again we are stuck. We can have no responsible free will.

I will offer an argument later about a coherent, decohereing-recohering mind-brain system that has consequences for the classical world via decoherence, but decoherence that is acausal, so mind can have consequences for matter without acting causally on matter. I think this is actually very hopeful. It answers cleanly one of the outstanding problems in the philosophy of mind - IF the mind-brain system is quantum coherent, decohering and recohering, which none of us knows as yet.

A responsible free will is harder.

But there are further problems:

Why did consciouisness evolve anyway? Suppose an algorithmic robot with sensors could calculate exactly what will happen in its world. Why bother to be "aware" of its world, just buzz around and plug yourself into power sockets and pop oil into your joints.

What use, if mind is a machine, such as a connectionist machine, is there in being conscious, having awareness, or "qualia"?

Now you might think that an answer is that the robot cannot compute its world exactly due to measurement error, or what is called "deterministic chaos", the famous butterfly effect where a butterfly in Rio can change the weather in Chicago because tiny changes in initial conditions lead to widely varying trajectories in state space.

But this answer won't do. The unconscious, but able computerized robot could sense the difference between its predictions about the world and the world, reset the initial conditions and recompute. Why be conscious? There seems no answer.

This blog is at the philosophy of mind 101 level, of course, but I hope it set in place the context of the problems we face. In my next blogs I hope to take up these issues.

Post Script: In a recent blog, 'Can a Changing Adjacent Possible Acausally Change History? The Open Universe, IV', I discussed 'Vast chemical reaction graphs' and the flow of a small amount of matter on such graphs. I claimed equilibrium would never be reached in the lifetime of the universe, that fluctuations would not damp out but be history dependent, due to those very fluctuations that do not damp out, and that, if we interpret Quantum Mechanics in terms of an ontologically 'real possible', the entire process is acausal. A new study, just published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, USA, of the famous Murchison meteorite that fell in Australia about 40 years ago, used high resolution mass spectrometry and NMR, able to detect mass differences of 1 electron. The study detected 14,000 organic compounds from which, the authors say, millions of organic compounds can be made. The data suggest the meteorite may be older than the sun and carry compounds from early in the formation of the solar system. My addition is that space chemistry may indeed be a flow on a hypo-polulated "vast" reaction graph as we have discussed.

With respect to the philosophy of mind for later blogs, this flow, if interpreted as I have done above, is acausal, lawless but non-random in its historical contingency, and offers a potential way out of the bind about free will as either deterministic, hence not free, or merely quantum random like the decay of a single radioactive nucleus, hence just random, so not morally responsible as we just happen to kill the old man in the wheel chair.

'Scientists say that a meteorite that crashed into Earth 40 years ago contains millions of different carbon-containing, or organic, molecules.'
______________

http://www.npr.org/blogs/13.7/2010/03/the_philosophy_of_mind.html

^ permalink + comments ^

welcome to good blurger

2010-03-03T15:21:00.001-08:00

i never take good photos of my mom for some reason, but i found this one today. it was taken while my mom was visiting me in israel. pretty cute laughing lady, huh?

FIYA

2010-03-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

my friend john-laurent re-sent this to me today. oh man. college...

Fascinating flames

Fire unites street-side spectators

John-Laurent Tronche

Issue date: 3/31/06 Section: News

DoubleClick Any Word

Page 1 of 1

Media Credit: Andrew Chavez

Students watch as Fort Worth Fire Department firefighters attempt to salvage the TCU Bookstore, which caught fire early Wednesday morning.

Wednesday morning's "Bookstore Inferno" has quickly built a following and has become a conversation point among students and faculty.

The blaze, which a Fort Worth Fire Department official said was caused by a leftover, slow-burning fire from a workman's torch, produced an estimated $1 million in damage that might result in the required demolition of the building.

The fire itself, however, has become a bigger interest to students rather than what will become of the black and beige mess of metal and ash left behind.

Since the fire, TCU students have created 11 different Facebook groups, including "I saw the TCU bookstore burn!!!" and "RIP TCU bookstore."

The most popular group is "Bookstore Inferno" with more than 250 members.

Sally Glass, a senior psychology and philosophy major, said she watched the fire from her apartment porch on Cockrell Street for three hours.

After seeing flashing lights from her kitchen window, Glass went outside to find a student sitting on her porch watching the fire. After exchanging names, Glass offered "Perry" a beer, and the two watched the fire.

"It's like watching a train wreck," Glass said. "There's some human fascination with destruction. It's sort of beautiful."

Glen Ellman, 48, a commercial photographer, has made a career capturing fire on film.

Ellman's photograph of the TCU Bookstore bursting with flames made the front page of the "Fort Worth" section in Thursday's Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

Within minutes of arriving at the bookstore, Ellman said, he saw more than 300 people running up to watch the action.

"Most people that you run into have never seen a building burn," Ellman said.

Ellman said he heard students cheer when the roof began to cave.

The TCU Bookstore "was a spectacular burn," Ellman said. He added that the photographs he took would be some of his better pictures.

Doug George, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Central Arkansas, said the students at the fire acted under "collective behavior."

"In certain circumstances, the normal way of doing things doesn't quite fit," George said. "A temporary society all of a sudden comes into existence."

George said the students who share a bond through the bookstore fire are a temporary society, complete with their own set of rules and ideas of how to act.

In other words, in the same way car crash victims bond together through mutual experiences, those students who saw the fire share a common thread.

Christina Davis, a senior English and political science major, said that after leaving The University Pub on Wednesday morning, an initial group of 10 people quickly grew to a crowd of about 100. She added that as the fire grew bigger, the crowd's excitement grew.

"It was a big mixer," Davis said.

snippets

2010-03-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

from the weekend, in no certain order:

early mornings before swine

2010-03-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

rainy night. sleepy time. full weekend. sly mind. worked hard on my photo project today; to get things right. underwater dreamscapes are more difficult to capture than i imagined...

possibles:

sometimes i work

2010-02-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

photos :: gisela borghi

my fave simones

2010-02-25T08:13:00.000-08:00

rad dad riot

2010-02-23T16:15:00.000-08:00

my dad's law school band. i'm so loving this. someone made a video. no one knows who. amazing. he's on drums...

ooooh

2010-02-23T13:57:00.000-08:00

tears in the typing pool. i need to figure out the chords to this pronto.

little things

2010-02-21T23:54:00.000-08:00

that form big things

that form bigger things

that shrink the seas

that float the heirloom wardrobes

under westward cumuli

gypsy light wands measure density

rather than luster

rather than miles

simply warmth and faceless wonder

bumblefuckaloo

2010-02-21T15:59:00.000-08:00

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

dj distract-a-glass

2010-02-19T15:09:00.000-08:00

didn't take this photograph, but i did do this to it whilst lost in photo class today...

darktown strutters

2010-02-16T22:49:00.000-08:00

centraltrak opening

2010-02-16T21:47:00.001-08:00

this was my favorite. the resident opened his studio/living space to visitors. i don't know if you can tell from the photo (which does it absolutely NO justice), but they are individual threads, run back and forth around a series of nails placed in the top and bottom of the wall. this work covered the entire wall and took a total of 12 DAYS to complete as documented and shown in a time-lapse video. amazing...

worky snowy

2010-02-15T13:40:00.001-08:00

snow day

2010-02-15T13:03:00.000-08:00

lunch...

2010-02-15T12:58:00.000-08:00

is something sad happening here?

every day

2010-02-12T18:12:00.001-08:00

i'm no uta barth, but i'm into this idea. here's my 'every day' project for photo class. picked my favorite images from 10 consecutive days of pictures. dig itttttttttt.

Paint Chip Grid (Assignment Uno)

2010-02-05T13:37:00.001-08:00

um

2010-02-03T20:07:00.000-08:00

let's see:

new stuff::

:::

got a raise (YES)

was very generously offered a photo show (@ bows + arrows may 22)

was very generously offered a solo show (@ amsterdam march 10)

-the last materialized while waiting for a surprisingly necessary, pretty penny tire overhaul, ugh

project for photo class going well. got to see a really interesting lecture by photographer gregory crewdson this evening. weird dude, but technically very exciting imagery in a crooked way.

other than that, just going to keep producing work for upcoming said shows. CUE NERVOUS EXCITED BELLY THINGS... hope you're there.

2010-02-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

tiddlywinks

blue thinks

mint drinks

passed waste

wasted paste

post haste

fallen dock

hollyhock

mr. spock

wheely well

fortune fell

dumpster smell

hate that day

when i say

forge the fray

maybe something

2010-02-02T21:14:00.001-08:00

ruddy man temple

clean slate baby

father's gone and died

i'm gonna build you a place

we're gonna grow inside

we'll journey to the white city

in 1885

rubble only charmed the sky

after kitty caught my eye

until the ceilings ceased to climb

and i was no longer satisfied

with boxes and boxes and boxes

in the prairieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

missionary baby

we're gonna end the time

i'm tellin you, this space

golden greens and modern minds

family time

2010-01-26T20:14:00.000-08:00

my fantastic little bro's b-day was yesterday. i can't believe he's 22. we live together now. it's a good thing. here's a couple of photos i captured of certain family members of mine. i'll let you guess which ones...

stanzas: written at night in radio city

2010-01-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

If money made the mind more sane, Of money mellowed in the bowel The hunger beyond hunger's pain, Or money choked the mortal growl And made the groaner grin again, Or did the laughing lamb embolden To loll where has the lion lain, I'd go make money and be golden.  Nor sex will salve the sickened soul, Which has its holy goal an hour, Holds to heart the golden pole, But cannot save the silver shower, Nor heal the sorry parts to whole. Love is creeping under cover, Where it hides its sleepy dole, Else I were like any lover.  Many souls get lost at sea, Others slave upon a stone: Engines are not eyes to me, Inside buildings I see bone. Some from city to city flee, Famous labors make them lie; I cheat on that machinery, Down in Arden I will die.  Art is short, nor style is sure: Though words our virgin thoughts betray, Time ravishes that thought most pure, Which those who know, know anyway; For if our daughter should endure, When once we can no more complain, Men take our beauty for a whore, And like a whore, to entertain.  The city's hipper slickers shine, Up in the attic with the bats; The higher Chinamen, supine, Wear a dragon in their hats: He who seeks a secret sign In a daze or sicker doze Blows the flower superfine; Not a poppy is a rose.  If fame were not a fickle charm, There were far more famous men: May boys amaze the world to arm, Yet their charms are changed again, And fearful heroes turn to harm; But the shambles is a sham. A few angels on a farm Fare more fancy with their lamb.  No more of this too pretty talk, Dead glimpses of apocalypse: The child pissing off the rock, Or woman withered in the lips, Contemplate the unseen Cock That crows all beasts to ecstasy; As so the Saints beyond the clock Cry to men their dead eyes see.  Come, incomparable crown, Love my love is lost to claim, O hollow fame that makes me groan; We are a king without a name: Regain thine angel's lost renown, As, in the mind's forgotten meadow, Where brightest shades sleep under stone, Man runs after his own shadow                                        New York, March 1949: Allen Ginsburg

what's the secret word?

2010-01-22T22:42:00.000-08:00

class was good today. i got to wander and take photos around the building. inspiring little session. i was in the type of floaty-mind, create weird things mood. a girl that hadn't gotten her camera yet approached me so that she might accompany me on my shooting mission in order to learn the ropes of the camera functions together. i guess she wasn't really feeling my floaty-mind vibe, so she went off very sweetly and found someone with a camera, and mind-vibe, that better aligned with hers. i experimented with aperture priority and manual focus settings, as well as intentional non-focus, and paid attention to surface patterns, shapes, colors and light instead of subject matter. found some interesting angles and perspectives. i'm excited to incorporate what i learned today into future image creation. we were assigned our first mini-project today, entitled 'every day', based on the ideas of photographer byron wolfe.

i am to take several photographs each day for ten consecutive days, inspired either by something i didn't expect to see or something that encompasses what my daily life is like, choosing the best one from each day and show in class. pretty basic stuff. here are a couple that i shot today:

later on, mom picked eddie and i up for shabbat dinner at karen's, which was an event unto itself, as the conversation cycled through god, causal determinism (which commonly accompanies general god-talk), jesus christo, photography, israel, the bible being a man-made text, evil, pure evil, masturbators, the fact that i should in fact, get an advanced degree in journalism if i actually want to become a photojournalist, cookies, acupuncture, passion, llalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaala. i have difficulty in god conversations, in which i don't feel as if my opinion will be considered as a contribution. i know what i believe, and unapologetically so and i very much enjoy an involved debate with others educated on the subject who would actually be curious to question my beliefs without judgement, no matter what position taken. but for this part of the evening, i felt it was wiser to just not say anything at all. proselytizing ain't my bag. the rest of the table talk was pretty interesting as my cousin's husband was a philosophy major, turned terribly unsatisfied graduate student, turned photographer, turned photo lab manager/graphic design student. good advice and words there. made me think a lot about how i may tint my future. adi came by and brought me such a great birthday present:

the story attached reads as follows: when he and his younger sister moriah were around 12 and 9, respectively, and i was around 5, they got a real kick out of the fact that they could get me to say anything they wanted. so they taught me the secret word. and in order to make sure that i remembered this word, they would (of course) test my knowledge in front of our parents and grandparents at family functions.

"what is the secret word, sally?", they'd implore, eagerly awaiting my response.

"diarrhea crap!", i'd joyfully reply.

sick bastards. the painting is fucking genius. i can't believe he made it. we spent the last hour or so looking up teddy ruxpin, lite brite, and giant cork sculptures on the internet.

on the way home, i had an interesting insight into my mother. i have difficulties with her sometimes. i get frustrated. all the reasons were flooding my immediate consciousness in the back seat of the mini-van on the drive back to our house. then, all of a sudden she said something that made me realize that no matter what she does to drive me totally bonkers, above all else she would do anything for eddie and i. in her eyes, her love for us is one of, if not THE thing, that makes her life important. so i breathed, and relaxed, and the rest fell quiet. so i was pretty thankful for that moment. good day. good book to read. i'm goddamn sleepy. i'm worried about gammy, but i pick her and ira up tomorrow for our family birthday brunch. we'll see everyone. i'll tell her about restorative stem-cell procedures. we can't give up. goodnight.

p.s. i'm super excited because i ordered edgard varese, the mothers of invention, and plastic ono band on vinyl and the new beach house is on its way! fuckkkkkk yes.

paint me a picture

2010-01-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

GEORGE ROUSSE

birthday bassoon

2010-01-20T00:24:00.000-08:00

yep.

funny little things

2010-01-19T14:06:00.000-08:00

found a book on cd from the previous owner of my car preaching abstinence

read autobiography of frank zappa, which doesn't begin to explain the late mad genius within

finished tape of field recordings, trying to decode, pretty cute

got a vibe

wondering about certain ones

recording little snippets

played the role of bouncer whilst wearing best hat ever

off for my birthday

i want everyone to donate to haiti, in lieu of gifts

got a record player

saw eddie in fort worth stock show parade, which ended up being totally fun

bar-b-que clown minister made me a balloon hat

gregorian chants at work

horse wig

want plastic ono band: yoko

had the pleasure of playing floor bass drum with jacob metcalf/teddy/petra/daniel

adam/shamikah/jtnl location scouting/shooting ended up perfectly

disappointed family party

our own rocket ships

spiral marker top art

met little sean dude, good kid

jaffe lady leaves

parade of the past people while i'm posted at the entrance, i'm the gate-keeper. feels like so long ago...

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2010-01-19T13:48:00.001-08:00

i suppose in both good and bad ways. but today in particular, i feel stressed. like there's a pressure bearing down on my solar plexus that won't cease. it's all just one thing after another, while in the meantime lots of exciting things are happening. i'm turning 25 tomorrow, i just spent the last two days as the key PA on an atlantic music vid shoot for this dallas band, which was a fantastic experience. i was in NY for 5 days, although being back it feels like i was gone for an entire month. work is fine. i'm staying relatively busy performing moderately interesting tasks, but i'll need to ask for a pay increase soon or i'll have to start looking for something less fun and more lucrative (probably). most of this money worry is compounded by the fact that starting tomorrow, i'll no longer be covered by my mom's health insurance. not to mention the fact that i now have a car loan. this part of adulthood licks cow balls. real big ones. i'm sad about haiti. i've been playing with this loop pedal and sampler that were very generously lent to me. that is REALLY fun. i've finally begun wading through the massive amounts of photographs from israel so that i can narrow them down for my show in june, which i'm super excited about. so i'll continue to focus on productive things, while weathering my mini-quarter-life-crisis. let's get a drink. holler.

how many lips does it take to kill a man

2009-12-28T23:36:00.000-08:00

today was a pretty dynamic day i suppose, after a rather erratic evening. last night, i got lost to mansfield, to a party thrown by a couple of fun TCU folks that we all realized i don't actually know very well. i drank champagne from the bottle and had my face painted like a tiger. all in all, a successful endeavor. there was a phoenix dance party? i left mansfield for the goat, intending to see some friends in town from everywhere. ran into many people i didn't expect to see. mostly pleasant surprises. there was a strange tension there. a couple of really random, dumb, macho-bullshit fights that occurred. lots of overzealous, loud drunks at the karaoke mic. but it was fun nonetheless. i was pretty toasty myself when i was finally called up to sing, so i think i performed a pretty rousing rendition of 9-5. woulda done dolly proud.

woke up this morning confused whether or not i was supposed to work, considering the agency is closed until jan. 4. but i had gotten an email from the owner, asking for some locations help. so i handled all of that mess, then got up to my dad's office to handle the "car situation". the "car situation" being that i found one on craigslist that i'm interested in the current owner/seller of which was expecting us to check it out/test drive it today. i also had to deal with finances, etc. long story short, i learned about loans today, i.e. i applied for one, with the gracious help of my father. in other words, i'm on my way to halfway purchasing my first car. so that's kind of exciting.

as much as i am determined to need as little financial help as possible from my dad, today it was really sweet how helpful he was in assisting my search for a decent, fairly priced car, even though it's my own stupid fault that i require such a thing. with not one hint of resentment or blame in his voice, he called around asking for reliable price quotes, sounding as close to proud as one could be in a conversation with a used car dealer.

i started my field recordings today. i'm not quite sure what i'll do with them or by what method i'll be able to present them. but i like the idea of collecting sounds or snippets of conversations that tell a story or create an image.

i also decided that i'm going to go for my master's degree after completing this semester at UTD, converting the credits into an MFA program here or elsewhere. i can do that. i should do that. i want to do that. i also want to finish culling through and editing the thousands of photos i took in israel, for the gazillionth fucking time.

got home after dad and i went to the bank to apply for the loan, which i'll hear back about tomorrow. hung out for a while before becca came by with her violin and viola and enthusiasm. we sat down and hammered out some beginnings for 4 songs. one was just an improv that we finished, the rest we'll continue to work on by sending the garageband files back and forth and building on them. pretty excited about that and tonight and what we got accomplished, which is really a lot of fun and the foundations for some neat song ideas. i fucking love playing with her. we have the same appreciation for spontaneity in songwriting and recording, so it was a blast.

i'm reading siddhartha, and it causes me to wonder which path i'm taking in my own life in relation to hesse's main character in his many incarnations as a human. curious...

krissmiss kandy klause

2009-12-25T16:28:00.000-08:00

things that have been done in the past 24-ish hours, by me:

watched mrs. doubtfire

watched nightmare before christmas

looked at snow

slept

woke up

watched the rest of nightmare before christmas

walked to cvs in snow

walked to taj mahal, ate

drank a beer and talked to the owner about nose rings

walked home

read siddhartha

did laundry

took a shower.

organized a bit.

practiced a song.

had an idea about recordings.

cut a sheet and made a shirt

put on shirt

listened to this song:

it has been a lonely, quiet day. an introspective day. a hopeful one. a bit of a scary one. but nice.

heard from some good friends. the fact that it's christmas doesn't really affect me at all, save for the fact that most businesses are closed and most people are with their respective families. so i'm quiet. and i sit. and i do whatever i decide to do. it was really lovely to get out of the house. in the melting snow. my nose was a bit numb from the wind, but all in all it wasn't dreadfully cold. i don't feel any tension in my body besides abdominal cramps, and those are involuntary. the rest of my muscles are relaxed. i've quit smoking. it's been surprisingly simple. not easy. i would love a cigarette. but i won't. because i have a reason not to. there are good things happening. my intention is to focus on my photos. and recording. and more good things.

the isn't the last song.

2009-12-18T12:07:00.001-08:00

dancer in the dark is the saddest movie i have ever seen.

don't you want me baby, balls...

2009-12-17T23:01:00.000-08:00

worked all day. ran many errands. picked up promo materials from paper arts. wonderful place. lovely owner. pigtails. told me about dragonfire yoga. totally thinking about it. there's a sanskrit blessing themed class that she teaches. also found out about the creative arts center of dallas, which hosts classes for lots of really cool things like emulsion transfer photography workshops. totally going to look into that. found out that our mailman is named emelin. upon asking where his name originated, he told me he was muslim and grew up in this tiny town in texas. and he doesn't like cigarette smoke. good dude. yesterday i saw a man pushing a stroller with a bugs bunny doll inside. he triumphantly showed me the brand new, unopened pack of marlboro lights he'd found in a plastic bag near a dumpster. flashed all two of his smiley teeth. another good dude.

after work, i went home and ended up lighting hanukkah candles with dad and bro before dad's basketball game at the JCC. mom had a vocal recital tonight at her teacher's home, so eddie and i went. it was really cute. she was late, as usual. we beat her there. as usual. but she sang beautifully. she messed up the lyrics a bit, but she was the only one that noticed. when she sings i'm so proud of her. because she's very good. and she knows. it's the one place where she knows where she's going. shesheshe. mom. i shot a bit of video. her friend bess told me a story of her former husband, who was syrian. he made her walk behind him while she was pregnant, apparently a tradition of the syrians? no idea. she has a wonderful, meandering alto voice. striking silver hair, perfectly coifed. sequined top. she has the features of a native american, but irish coloring. interesting combination, but i don't imagine it's too uncommon.

i was antsy to leave the recital once it was over because marissa just got into town. mom closed it with a darling rendition of 'what a wonderful world'. finally got home, and mom met eddie and i there. we lit candles again. said the blessings again. had a group hug again. then, we all sat around. i worked something new out on the piano. marissa finally came and we loved on each other. i gave her the gift i bought her today. and she cried. like she does. she's honestly the best person in my life. however, there are some close seconds and thirds. we talked a bit and got ready to grab a drink at the doublewide to meet fred.........

...................................................i had a rough night.

i'm not a real doctor but i am a real worm, i am an actual worm.

2009-12-16T19:43:00.000-08:00

and i like to play the drums. ok. so this morning, we had a dance party at work. albeit brief, but very invigorating. trio; dadada. perfect morning music. and also topless party by some italian dudes. spent most of the day updating the locations website. holler tech nerd. not to mention, last night i spent an "i'm blushing" embarrassing amount of time watching harry potter cast interviews. neeeeeeeeeerd. god. so yeah.

lunchtime finally rolled around and christine picked up our pizza. PIZZA DAY AT WORK. it was really yummy pizza too. mar-GHER-ita (according to our resident italian) and veggie rampage. amazing. then we got into the discussion about my car, and what had happened and why i'm bummed. and during this 10 minute period i'd decided to buy a van and start a courier business with my brother. no real idea where any of this came from. and my lovely co-workers (who are both older and wiser) proceeded to explain to me that i should not at all worry about money and should travel as much as possible in the next few years before my body starts to prioritize differently, in the vein of "settling down" behavior. the most striking part of this whole interaction was christine, who is our accountant, but most notably, is a very calm and comforting presence in our office. and also a yoga instructor. gisela (resident italian, big and boisterous and hilarious personality) joked that when i turn 30, i'll have matured and my life experience will have educated me to do the things that i may worry about not being able to do now, responsibility/relationship wise, but that my boobs will suddenly be at my knees. christine acknowledged the humor, but went on to tell me that my mind will mature, yes. but that, contrary to popular belief, the body does not break down with age, but grows more beautiful. it can be seasoned with time and consciousness. all of their reassurance was incredibly endearing and i appreciated it greatly.

my brother picked me up after work and we headed to the new dallas contemporary building to meet dad and joan. james gilbert, the artist that will be presenting the inaugural exhibition, gave a short walk through of the installation's progress, process, and conception. it was pretty cool to see after helping him a tiny bit. he's an interesting guy and i'm really excited for the opening.

eddie and i came home and lit candles before he jetted off to meet a friend for dinner. then mom came over and WE lit candles. it was cute. we went to mcdonalds. i saw a guy there that i usually see walking around the streets near my neighborhood. i didn't necessarily assume he was homeless before, based on his appearance alone. but he was pacing around the restaurant (if we can call it that), for about 5-10 minutes, before parking at a nearby table. i thought maybe he was spending as much time in the warmth as he could before heading back out in the cold night. i turned to him and asked if he wanted something to eat. he said, no thank you, that he'd already had his meal. i then felt like an asshole, because i'd judged this person to be homeless. it still could've been true. but that didn't make my assumption any less potentially offensive. i decided to apologize. but he went into the bathroom and didn't come back out before we left.

mom, lovingly, is letting me use her van tomorrow for work, so i dropped her off, not before we had some typical mother/daughter button pushing. but laughing about it too. i guess that's just how we are right now. i'm tired now. karaoke?

hi

2009-12-15T16:37:00.000-08:00

it's been a while. i was busy. it's no excuse. but here's hugging.

today's a good a day as any to reacquaint myself with you. and you. and you and you.

of note: yesterday, i found myself embroiled in a quasi-racial conflict based on complete and total miscommunication due to the fact that the internet is the dumbest way to express anything. all via facebook. dumb.

the day before i stripped and hammered away at some attempts at writing and recording. like a blind person trying to drive a car. i bump into a lot of things. naked. i'm not quite sure what possessed me to do this in the nude. there was a tutu also. something about being completely exposed. whatever.

the day before that, i watched the documentary centered around the making of bjork's all vocal record, medulla. completely brilliant. completely awe-inspiring and regular-inspiring. drove me to want to make music the following day. she's a goddamn genius. so thank yous for that.

today, my car blew up. i'm upset about that for many reasons. it's like losing a friend. it's my fault for procrastinating to put oil in her. i stood outside in the blistering wind on the exit ramp to lovers lane for nearly an hour because i have a totally irrational fear of cars exploding with me in them (well today i did anyway). the AAA tow truck finally came and i was treated to the presence of a lovely young man, fresh from mississippi. his little girl is his world and he learned from his father not being there during his life how to be a father. he was lucky, he told me. my precious brother allowed me use of his car so that i could work today.

and last night was the fourth night of hanukkah. eddie and i indulged in some treats and decided to light candles. i played him the song i finished the night before. he asked me what it was about and i told him. and as i was telling him, i realized many more things. as the candles burned, we both stood there watching them. slowly slowly. silently. and i started thinking about how much hanukkah makes me think of our family before it finally fell apart. it was a ritual we all participated in no matter how fucked up everything else was. i said it out loud. he was thinking the exact same thing. we continued to stand there and watch the perfectly coordinated wax melt down. we must have stood there for 30 minutes in almost total silence. and then he said, "it still hurts a little." which was exactly what i was thinking. and then we started regaling the room and each other with memories from our childhood. good and bad and everything else. and it felt good to remember, but simultaneously a dull throbbing traversed through my gut. it still hurts to talk about. and the only person that understands is him. and now i know why i haven't felt it this much in so long. we've been missing each other spatially and temporally since the break-up. i mean, basically. mom and dad told us right after i graduated and we took our final fateful vacation to the northeast. i didn't have to think or talk about 'before' with anyone because there was no one that really KNEW. but he did. and he does. and i'm grateful for the fact that there is actually someone that knows what it was like inside and can remind me of those times, no matter how hard it is to take a look. and how i can't imagine the magnified horribleness of having to go through the disintegration of your family alone.

on a 'brighter' wavelength, today at work i hung a lightbulb above my desk so i can feel like i'm in a continuous states of 'idea-ness'. so that was a good thing. and it is a good thing. and it fits. today anyway.

culam omrim

2009-04-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

updates soon to come. i'm an asshole i xnow.

ze ani

2009-03-07T17:53:00.000-08:00

well the last couple of weeks have been pretty cool. our good friend andy came to visit and resided on our couch in our teeny apartment. despite the crummy rainy weather, we had a really fun time laughing, playing pini, watching great movies and listening to great music courtesy of andy. i have a wonderful list of new stuff to check out. it was really sweet to have him here. i learned a lot and did a lot of thinking. i listened to a lecture from robert solomon and i remembered what it was like to be in school and excited about learning and how it affected the way i filtered my world and the decisions that i made. i was thinking for myself in the only way i knew how. the new, unadulterated way (well, at least i thought so). so i'm still thinking.

on a less enthusiastic note, alice and i got an email from chris, the guy that runs the safari in africa at which we were going to intern. he graciously thanked us for applying and wished us well, however, there are no spots available partially due to the economic situation. we both took a bit to process this news, as somber as it may be. last night we talked a little about it, and decided tentatively that we are both ready to go home after our rent runs out to regroup. it was a devastating blow as i was really excited to go to africa. but i'm ready to go home and see my family and friends. i'll have been gone for a whole year, which will be way longer than i could've foreseen when i left. so i'll spend a month or so at home catching up and getting ready to move to LA. i figure i can take some classes there and take sweet photos and get some sort of photo or production assistant job when or before i get there. any ideas? i've also spoken to some very good and very inspiring friends of mine that reminded me what i'm doing and why. thanks guys.

so, in other news, today was a great day. an early one, considering i stayed up until 4:30 this morning watching scrubs. fuck my sleep schedules are retarded. anywho, woke up and made myself some coffee and eggs before departing to the central bus station/government building to handle my VISA stuff. i got kind of nervous because i realized once i was already there that i forgot my passport at home. oops. luckily, the agent that i spoke with remembered me and the only punishment i received for not remembering my passport was a mild scolding for not carrying it with me daily in case something happens to me in the street. even MORE fortunately, the police check that we had sent in 2 months ago had returned, so all the documents that i prepared to have sent to the jewish agency will be back (with my VISA) by the end of the week!! helloooooooooo moneybags. not really. but at least i'll be able to work. thanks FUCK. i'm broke. sorry mom and dad.

after i left the VISA office, in great spirits, i decided to embrace myself as a photographer once and for fucking all and lead myself on a little walking photo tour of ramla. i was determined goddamnit, to take some interesting photos of all the interesting people here. so i asked damn near everyone i passed. i even turned around a couple of times. beck put me in a great mood. most of the people even said yes. i don't know why i was so scared. the first couple of people i asked said no, and a few people after that. but it's ok. i feel like i'm jumping off a building every time. but its ok. i got some pretty cool shots too. a little boy. an older gentleman. a beggar couple. i almost got this really sweet old woman, but just ended up talking to her on this bench for a while in my terrible hebrew. felt pretty proud of myself. thanks andrew and dylan.

anyway, got home and watched darjeeling limited and a bunch of scrubs episodes with alice, and drank some wine. i'm a little sleepy now and don't have much to do for the rest of the day save for assembling my purim costume! it's going to be GREAT. i have a hilarious outfit, complete with ridiculous accessories. photos to ensue. i'm taking a nap. plus, i need to get moving on this online promotion deal. long story.

also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!! i'm sorry i couldn't be there, but i know you're having a wonderful, relaxing time. you're my buddy.

love,

sally

ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone

2009-02-28T07:27:00.001-08:00

bitch i'm broke

2009-02-19T12:06:00.000-08:00

and it's true. lots of important things have been happening lately, but i'm writing about them in my journal. but the most important thing that has transpired lately is that ANDY came to visit. picked him up at the airport yesterday and it was crazy. we took the train and walked back to the apartment. other than the fact that it has been an entirely inane riot since he landed, my favorite art about hanging out with andy is that he exposes me to amazing new music, movies, and ideas. best things of the day/night that followed: tv carnage, cody chesnutt, scott walker, 30 century, no soy sauce until later, rice noodle marathons, japanese louis armstrong, other amazing things that i need to list. anyway, today we walked to nave yonatan and had a photo walkabout with a few of my girls. we picked up alice afterwards at kadima and came home to make dinner. had a blast just hanging out listening to music and video chatted with leah (from our BR trip). she told us the story of the only time she slept with a guy. she's gay. and the funniest person i've ever met. now we're about to go out. imanuel has made a friend in andy. they're funny. more later.

love

sally

summertime and the livin is easy

2009-02-14T07:57:00.000-08:00

woke up and met arly in enough time to walk to the visa place in the mall
waited, spoke to the woman
girl bugs me
i was grumpy all morning
walked home, but caught the thrift store
got SWEET pajamas, dresses, t-shirts for CHEAP
walked home and chilled out before sharet
met al there
nati yelled my name
the kids missed us
i played terrible soccer and realized that i'm not there to play well
i'm there for the kids
well i got bored anyway after suckng for almost 2 hours
al left for kadima and i left to go home
got home and started to read, but passed out
planned to meet al at kadima
woke up and talked with imanuel for a while about his psychological issues
i made al grilled cheese then showered
we headed out before imanuel woke up
for the record, al didnt want to go out last night
i talked her into it
after being dumped by gay guy out of nowhere ("i just need to be alone right now"), i wanted to see where the night took us
we got to the sub kuch (duh) and proceeded to drink one chaser, meet maytal, say bye to maytal, talk to sebastien awkwardly, want to leave, maytal left, feel trapped and just like a wanted to leave, tomer offered us a ride, escaped and we all went outside to smoke, talked about dirty things, moveed to the hot seat with sagi and etan. etan made me feel sexy with my belly
meet tomer's hot friend
came back inside, made myself throw up, al was nice, went to lie down
etan brought me water and medicine and told me that we're the sub kuch's favorite customers and they love us, really sweet
guy buys us chaser that we HAVE to take, i puke in urinal, pull it out
see nufar, we get ready to go home
tomer drives, i almost puke, but luckily don't
we get back (make fun of my pajamas) and have one cigarette before tucking him in on the couch
wake up this morning to wave to tomer, and 2 funny notes
spend the morning chilling out and watching scrubs before getting ready for shabbat dinner
alice makes mashed potatoes with chese
eat dinner with naama, and fam
really sweet little girl
good food
get home and hang out before watching the end of spinal tap
al says that i'm mean, but i want everyone to think i'm nice
only joking but thats true
imanuel passes out and we take care of his laundry
try to load scrubs and talk to dad on skype. i miss him
gamm'ys been having some neurological issues
mini-strokes
so i call gammy and get to talk to her on vid chat
i havent gotten to see her since i've been here. but she wants her earrings
she says she hopes she'll be around
i say she has to be. she says the first thing we'll do is makes baked alaska
i tell her i love her
she says 'i love you baby'
i get really sad
al comforts me
we watch scrubs for 4 hours
i'm going to bed now.

things i need to do:
print letter and get visa
get earrings for gammy to mail
write marissa, ernie letters
get external hard drive
run
do situps
write music
edit photos
photos for blog
write naama letter

she's got blood in her eyes for you

2009-02-06T19:33:00.000-08:00

saturday:::::::::
get picked up by orna, get to lepid
all the fixins for sushi
take pictures of the whole process
made 3 rolls and ate them
made more for imanuel
watched videos and talked with the kids
looked through bar mitzvah photos and video
i'm fat and i need to change it
leave and go home to get ready for our anniversary
give things to buffy and imanuel
get showered and prettied, flash parker
take a sheruit, listen tomusic with a coupla beers
go to sub kuch
i lose my phone
hang out with each other taking it easy with a glass of glen livet
call shawn and andy
ilil says i have to meet her friend the fireman
we talk, i'm not interested, but i do want to meet another guy
i start talking to yoav
we talk about psychology, nietzsche, life, leonard cohen
i like him
tell him about open stage, says he'll be there
i talk to him for a while
we get a ride from fireman, plan rockclimbing
go home get in bed, talk to liz and parks on vid
they make plans to come, we're sad
great sleep

sunday::::::::::::
work
sub kuch
2 guys
he brought his friend, shes cool
one good convo
played alright
say bye to amir
treats on roof
sweet kiss
full moon
two oras
downstairs
more kiss
i'll call you tomorrow
i get scared walking back
no more sheruits
cab it
sleep

monday::::::::::
woke up to breakfast by alice
went to volcani
hung out with rachael
cut broccoli and cauliflower for selling
walekd to food clearing
made pita, ate hummus and organic salad
i made pita on a wok
we got ready to go
sat with rachael
erez told me that i make her day when i go there
i promised her all the photos
we get back home and take a quick nap reading nietzche and sedaris
wake up, i'm groggy, and hang out with imanuel at pini's, he's not there
talk to funny old guy and girl from texas
stop by kadima and see kids and sivan
walk to synagogue and say hi to pini, he says we'll all be there eventually
got back home, read more nietzsche, eamiled blake, and showered to get ready to go out
took a sherit to tel aviv and then walked to diesengoff to meet elad and debs
cute coffee shop
walked to meet elad's friend, talked to debs. really sweet girl
found sweet shoes
went to the beach and treats, met liora
talked about radiohead
really cold and windy
walked more to get burekas and eat
ate more
walked to park, talked to yoav and hung out on the playground inside the slide
treats more
walked to the sub kuch
treats on the roof with sagi
guy talks about being afraid of gay guys and hiding
kinda sketch guy
i tell him not to be afraid and tell them what he wants
get downstairs to yoav
talking to him about gay guy, really slowly, and intense
like a short story
just listened so intently
we're stoned
he asks me what i think
if i feel the same way aobut girls
i've been with girls, so it doesnt threaten me
talk about generalizations about whether its more accepted to be gay or a lesbian
he invites us over
we walk
treats another with roommate, invites us to stay all day or yoav will drive us at 5:30
we hang out, he makes alli food and chocolate
roommate comes back and hand in puke in bed
everyone cleans up and we laugh about it
yoav comes to bed and we make out and kiss slowly
get a little intense and both have fun
too late to sleep, so we get up and drive to ramla in the rain
he was kinda scared
dropped off, have a kiss
i like him
go upstairs, imanuel scared us,
treats
alice makes granola
we hang out with imanuel and talk and laugh and alice is a mad scientist in the kitchen
try to watch zoolander, fall asleep
wake up and eat something
hang out and try to guide elad
hear my name
its naama's mom
its pouring rain
lightning
i run over to naamas to get falafel
see her mom and bro
get back home and hang out until imanuel gets home
we hang out and watch youtube vids
kids choir and young at heart make we teary' i miss gammy
he does, we eat
watch scrubs
eat granola, then malawa with chocolate
we're stupid
watch 40 year old virgin
bedtime
wish i could go to sxsw. i miss my the blog friends.
andy's coming and parker might come!
tomorrow taking photos of kibbutz

modern art makes me want to rock out

2009-02-04T15:32:00.000-08:00

woke up late yesterday
got all ready for work
read a nietzsche quote from ms. sofia that made me realize that home probably isn't that great anyway and i'll realize it soon
its amazing how philosophy just calms me down. its simplicity owns me.
i should appreciate what i am living and love every minute
so thats what i'm going to do
got to work
lots of bitch meetings
zvi is a douche
talked about not working in the office anymore
phone calls all night
got PAID
talked to TRISH at the bus stop. i fucking love her
great bus ride home
i think people listen to us talk and are terrified
walked to the sub kuch
dead, decapitated rat in the street
perfect addition to my disgusting/uncomfortable 'i like ugly things' series that i thought up
treat myself to a jameson on the rocks
sang and talked with eitan and eliel and sagi
arm wrestling
i lose
repeatedly
my arms are sore
both of them
called gammy, maayan dragged me to her apt
we hang out and talk
in bed
gisela tells me to write something with photos for the IA blog i'll do tomorrow
i go back to the sub kuch and we hang out a little more before catching a cab home
alice has a new boyfriend
we walk the rest of the way home
get into bed and talk about butt sex
go to sleep

today:
were going to wake up early for the flea marker, but didn't
got ready for work again
i call the photo studio, doesnt need anyone, but i should call around
dylan sends me a link to sam cooke 'what a wonderful world' and makes me smile and dance
anthony gambino sends me a message and will always be associated with otis redding in my mind
took a cool photo on the sheruit
took the train and read one of my favorite tc boyle stories with al
got to work, was better today
really silly
making people laugh by humping the air
i feel great
we eat weird pizza
i talk to dad about faxed materials
al gets sick and has to run to the bathroom
we leave work and she pukes on the way
ANDYS COMING
we get on the bus and listen to music
i realize that i feel really free and that i can be funny and stupid and i dont care
because i'll never see most of these people again
i really enjoyed the feeling of making someone uncomfortable
that makes me happy
we happen to run into one of the new ISC kids, mark
he's really funy
we gossip about the new group and talk about new thigns
really funny
we drop off at the house, and its a little weird
i like the kid
walk back to the apartment
miss imanuel
have been reading things
getting ready for bed
tomorrow, we don't work but have VISA things to take care of
i'm supposed to take photos at a kibbutz for one of the programs, so thats cool
and show the new group the tv station, cool guy will be there
fuck my sleeping patterns are terrible

love,

sally

hand job, hand job. i know that shit's fun but it's still your job

2009-02-02T15:09:00.000-08:00

woke up late
alice made scramble
we had nice breakfast
and talked
we are a goddamned married couple
walked to library
waited around fo a while
felt weird to be alumni
met the peeps (elad)
talked to fifi
sat in room
momo spoke
we spoke
be excited, dont let little things bother
sat around after
elad and i walked back home to meet alli
played music
made eggs (getting pretty good at that)
timothy leary story
played more music
made choco milk
talked more
drank scotch
walked to sheruit
fight with chabad in sheruit with elad about women completing men
weird cowboy
got to sub kuch
ate malai kofta
talked
saw daniel and nufar
photos with glasses, one guy not happy
eliel
etan dancing like a silly
went upstairs with hadorbaim playing and saw sagi
see heidi
smiling at dude from bar (afro man)
go outside with heidi
go upstairs and talk to peeps we met (friends with heidi's friends)
playing pool, idan, erez, ofir
blocked from smoking
ofir asks me on a date
massage
they know ELLIE!
more music
even more music
erez sings in french
they all leave
we take cab home
vid chat w leah
text w dad
sleep

friday:

wake up late-ish to a knock on the door after imanuel leaves
its his brother, sister-in-law, and their adorable baby, yotam
imanuel comes back
we all hang out and i play the melodica for the first time in years
play guitar and learn songs, treats
they leave and alice and i get packed up to head to natanya for the weekend
catch sheruit to tel aviv, then another to natanya
call gingie when we get to the train station
call ellie, doesn't sound too enthused but interested
tells me that ofir (guy that asked me on date) has a GF
no date with ofir
we get picked up by lior and roni
go to shoshana and hang out playing music
watch strokes DVD
i want to play drums like fabrizio moretti like WHOA
chill with friends and attempt some california sunshine
take photos with the most ridiculous glasses ever made
nothing happens and i pass out after talking for hours
wake up at some point and hop into bed since everyone mysteriously dissappeared
(later i found out that they made a bonfire at the beach. i'm bummed i slept through but i was tired damnit)

p.s. 'gaza' really means 'medical cello-tape'

saturday

i get woken up by alice, who passed out somewhere else
we walk to the cliff and have a long chat punctuated by a big hug
things to think about
we go back to the shoshana and hang out for a while with some new friends on the porch
keep hanging out and playing music with eran
go downstairs to idan's, where i get a lesson in making pita
we mix and mold and put the dough on top of a huge dome-shaped oven
i also start to play the accordian
actually write some cool, droney bits that i want to record
those shits aer heavy
at pita with goat cheese wrapped inside. just stupidly good
i leave alice and barry and walk to hadar's house b/c no one is upstairs
hang out watching TV and hear spoon on a commercial
mostly israeli comedy shows which are pretty funny considering i can't understand
hang out at hadars for a while with eran, dana, hadar
start reading tc boyle's 'the human fly'. its REALLY good
go check on alice, but can't find her so i go back to hadars and stay there all night
chat with miss sarah jaffe who is amazing
watch a little bobby mcferrin with hadar
he's just fucking breathtaking
she goes to bed but i can't sleep, get really sad, call ernie, eddie, dad, and write sad blog
think about being in a relationship and being my own person
so i finish my book
andy introduces me to christian bok's poetry, really great also
i finally go to sleep after sunrise

sunday

wake up the next day, realizing that we need to be in ramla to help yahel
i go to erans and find alice
we say goodbye to everyone, hadar and dana, and catch a sheruit home
have about 1 hour to get ready before being called into work
take the train into work, alice reads aloud from 'the human fly'
we call people, talk to no one basically
talk to dad. my photo sold at the auction for 300. john pomara and other people said nice things.
get off work and take the bus to the sub kuch for open stage
we don't get there until late, so i don't play
but we do hang out and talk to tomer about 'medical cello-tape' and how it's not such a heavy thing to israelis, but part of daily life
talk to sagi about meditation. breathing. being in the moment.
i decide i don't care about what guys think and just have fun
weird creepy guy asks me outside. i go. then i come back inside to pee.
we hang out and i'm approached by amir, who knows me from the open stage
amir has lost his voice but we talk for a while anyway, going on a three-trip walk
back and number exchange
we decide to accompany one new friend and one old friend back to old friend's rooftop apartment, complete with drumset in petakh tikvah
get to know leonard cohen on the drive there
spend most time reading tarot cards in hebrew and getting a lesson on some important words
after playing guitar a little, and some tea, breaking a glass we all miraculously fit on one teeny bed
nice then sleep after sunrise
wake up kinda late and make coffee to drink in the beautiful afternoon view on the roof
i stare out across the city
ariel asks me to play guitar, so i do
figure out a leonard cohen song, play elliott and asaf
play DRUMS finally
i'm terrible but i really want to learn to play better, in a band
finally get our shit together and new friend gives us a ride to the train station
we meet a nice woman, catch the train and get to work only a little bit late
annoyed at zvi
want to talk to momo
call people
i do a bunch of interviews, but we need to get out of here
get pizza for dinner
i don't feel good
we get a ride from orie to the bus
take the bus, take a nap
get bad pizza at the bus station
meet sheruit driver that knows jodi and roll him a cigarette
take a sheruit home
walk home from park
watch stupid video from justin
sofia makes me feel better with nietszche
vid chat with josh at stupid hours
chat with people at stupid hours
it's 6AM. i need to go to bed. talking with imanuel.
for you parks...

love,

sally

all the men will be sailors then until the sea shall free them

2009-01-28T18:29:00.000-08:00

the last couple of days have been pretty boring. nothing much new. just makin' that dolla. today was great.

woke up super early, took a shower, made yummy broccoli and yellow pepper scramble. then to walk to the visa office for the fax number, then booked it to the flea market (wednesday shook in ramla---huge). bought way too many cool things. clothes mostly, but i got a SWEET fringe backpack. got back home in enough time to chill out and take a nap before taking the train to work. i really like doing that. the train is lovely. but the commute to and from kfar saba is a super bitch. AXCEL FORMONICA. today was SARAH ELIZABETH STEINFINK'S birthday today. officially, always, 1 week and 1 day younger than me. i need to call her again. i miss that girl. practically my sister. we did everything together. at work, called a bunch of people. called mom and dad to get jewish documents. ate pizza. got sleepy. drank tea. talked to andy about him possibly coming to visit!!! chatted with dylan about my song for the moment. he's a dream. took the long way home and finally arrived. walked by the house. new roommates are JAPpy. they couldn't find my cameras. that bugs me. got home and imanuel made chocolate milk with ice cream. he's the best ever. chatted with dylan and he shared some love with me. alice and i shared some love with others. i love m. ward, leonard cohen, and jim james. damnit, i do. i called my gammy and talked to her for a while, we promised to make baked alaska and israeli dishes when i return. then alice and i ate pomegranates and watched part of 'candy'. such a depressing film, but gutwrenchingly real. fucking terrible. this is horribly written and i apologize. i'm going to bed now. tomorrow is the opening session of ISC, so alice and i are invited. (basically we get to size up the new group.) i hope they're ready.

goodnight all.

love,

sally

white rabbit sat on my hat

2009-01-24T08:09:00.001-08:00

woke up yesterday and packed up
moved some stuff
came home
packed up more stuff
shlomi helped
imanue; scared us
came home
woke up early
finished packing
yaacov is lucky
finished the last of it by hand
went to bank
we're retards
get money
go to office
fruit/train/mexican restuarant
meet cool chick
har[ers bday!
talk to eddie and dad
talk to people al day
bus back
taxi back
cool david
good music
wake up kid
shower
darjeeling back tickle
home sweet home

slept kinda weird
lots of wind
new place
stole covers
wake up
get dressed for lawyer
go see lawyer
names revealed
dental advice
left
went to insurance place
pretend to be pini's friend
leave and go to house
pull pads off the wall
clean the shit out of the kitchen
finish and sit outside, signing buffy's yearbook
yahel comes back and tells us about a place we can get things for free
we walk back to the apartment
go to the shuk with imanuel in a rush
on fridays at 1 things get crazy
we get so much fruit and vegetables
see michael and yusuf at the same time
go back for round two
drive back home and lug sooooooo many groceries up the stairs
workout
finally done
clean the SHIT out of the kitchen
its really therapeutic
finish and go to shabbat dinner at naamas
they tell us we're famous from the article (douchewalla yaguar)
we eat amazing food
get tired and drink tea
clean more and have treats
watch japanese gameshows and human nature and get tired
get in bed
eat oranges
fall asleep
really long day

wake up this morning too late
finish cleaning room
really nice
watch more japanese videos
more treats
look at imanuels photos
he forgets about the tea in a funny way
cool stories about australia byron bay
have to go there
get done and walk to the house to get more things
pick up a few things and meet fifi
meet new group
cool kids
weird not being there
i'm going to get used to this
walk back
wait for orna
orna picks us up
we drive to lapid for birthday dinner
we hang out with the kids for a minute before dinner starts
eran's got hiccups, then have a breath holding contest
orna makes burekas, tomato soup, cheese breads, salad, mushroom crepes!, and eran tells me they have a surprise for dessert
i'm jealous of your dessert
brooklyn banks
they bring out a chocolate cake with lit candles and sing to me
we eat cake and the kids bring out a little present
i get up and hug them all
really cute and sweet
we finish dinner and go to yarden's room to play DDR
i'm terrible at DDR
we go to watch more youtube
drink tea and watch pregnant man with orna
look at her morocco photos while she goes to take the dogs for a walk
really interesting looking at those photos of older people traveling with no stories
it'd be different if we went there
interesting about perspective and truth
then orna came back and shows us photos and tells us stories
lots of photos
get sleepy and finish the photos
on the way home we talk to orna about gilat shelit and the other kidnapped soldiers
really fucking sad and confusing
come home and have some treats w imanuel
get ready for bed and watch death proof
goodnight

woke up WAAAAAAAAY later than we should've
puttered around the apartment, making a little food (i use 'making' loosley as i ate bread and hummus and a cut up pepper)
took a nice shower and washed things
tidied up a bit more with some treats
got ready to go to work, but realized that we had to get money from the ATM
walked all the way to an ATM, then caught a sheruit to the train station
saw scary emo dude with ice blue contacts
talked on the train
got to kfar saba and walked to work
had a long day at the office, makin calls
wrote a letter to a friend
got "dissappointed in"
chatted with andy and EDDIE!!!

ITS EDDIES BIRTHDAY!!! MY BROTHER IS 21!!!

thats fucked up. go him!
anyway, talked to eddie
really sweet
talked to people interested in coming back to israel on long term program
ate pizza
convinced hot girl not to kill herself
after work, ofir drove us to the bus station
mom called so i could talk to eddie
talked to eddie again! he had birthday brunch with the fam
gave me some shocking and sad updates
i have to be ok
called dad to verify on the bus
scares me, but i have to think positively
alice was told the story of how shlomi got bitten by a dog, now in hospital
got to tel aviv and decided to go to the sub kuch for one beer
saw chico, daniel, robin, and sagi
went upstairs because tonight is open stage
checked in with tal, went back down and then back up
peeps played a cool improv bit with the whole gang
i'm up next
i played hilda's song, for her former name
then i called chico and we sang rocky raccoon sing a long style with no mics
just sat on the stage
it went great and i felt better
finished up a treats with sagi, chico on the roof
downstairs again for bubbles and beer
maayan fucking drunk from testing drinks at a bartender training
and outside once more with gabriel
came back to pay and say goodbye but i was ambushed by a smiley, happy, gingie orthodox rabbi
"ma atem rotzim lishtot, motek. aize hamuda!"
he gave me this huge, smiley hug and i was terrified
i was not expecting that at all, really crazy
we left and called david cool taxi guy for a 90 sheck cab
all of a sudden, waiting, the rabbi drives by in his minivan. i don't believe that.
he wasn't looking at the road, but i can talk mostly in hebrew with him the whole time
even though he terrified me
i had to remind him of the exit and he swerved
we had a whole convo once we stopped, finally walked home
check out new facebook friend
alice calls 'yours', "oh that's him"
i've never seen someone ruin their own game
i need to talk to gammy
going to sleep now

love

sally

yom huledet sameach

2009-01-20T18:55:00.001-08:00

man, for a day that started out shittily as you can get i am the happiest girl in the world. after i wrote last, we got ready to go out to meet imanuel and check out the apartment to see if it was do-able. right before we leave, alice checks her email and recieves one from chris mahoney saying that he'll do his best to get us a job at the safari camp in kenya!!! so that's GREAT news. then we walk to imanuel and naama's apartment (one building away from the apartment we're looking at moving into). we go there and after a brief tour of our potential new home, imanuel has a conversation with pini, the landlord. pini has no teeth. no english either, except for the words, "god", "love", and "thank you". and this place is a fucking steal too. 2 bedroom for 6500 sheckels (for the first 3 months rent), split in half (then alice and i are splitting half). so basically it's 250 dollars a month. not bad at all. so we leave and discuss with imanuel what we should do, because pini says that since we don't have a lot of money, he's open minded about the price. we go back to naama's and discuss everything. we decide to do it and imanuel calls pini to talk about details. we make the deal and all get really excited to take a hip hop class with naama. SO EXCITED!

imanuel dropped us off at the sheruit station and we bussed it to the sub kuch (of course).

not feeling well
try to drink beer
hang out with edai
talk with sagi
see gabriel from new york group
talk to eddie
hang outside and meet greg
go inside and eran shows up with my presents, tomer, hadar, roni, and dana (who gives me the sweetest card ever)
we all hang out and daniel gives us treats
we sit on the motorcycles
roni breaks glass
asks me to go upstairs
i say no
we take polaroids
ofir shows up
face painting/pictures
meet ben from england
more face painting
time to go
say bye to natanya peeps
motorcycle helmet dance party
wanna make out for real?
take a cab home
get back to so many brithday notes!!!!!
andrew's blog!!!!
i'm just so happy!!!
alli and i take photos of face paint.

everything is GREAT!!

love,

sally

lisa its your birthday, happy birthday lisa

2009-01-20T07:31:00.000-08:00

i have a friend. his name is dylan. it's my birthday...

Dylan Hollingsworth wrote at 7:32am
its your birthday. if i could, i'd give you ...

...time. greek goddess fruit. flaws that are beautiful. love in all stages. inadequacy roadmaps. 100 year old photographs. your life's laughter recorded. madness that can be channeled. clarity when you cant see. skinned knees garnished with band-aids. a grandmother's milkshakes. a plaque of allegiance. permission to not be okay. songs about inner cosmos. a picture of me when i was 5. and i guess a little more time. to sort it all out. and i know you will.

you hang brightly, sallygal. thank you for being in my life.

also, here's an article about our program: :))

http://www.ramla-st.co.il/news/show_news.php?subaction=showfull&id=1232454145&archive=&template=2_header3

in other news, here's what's been going on in my life:

woke up at 11
hung out being lazy
talked to andrew in the morning
went to sharet to play soccer
met cute flippy kid
i'm worthless at soccer
came back
got ready for ceremony of girls dancing
left too early
stopped by to get burekas
sat outside and saw little girl from kadima
looked at photos
saw girls in bathroom
saw teacher from sharet
invited us to shabbat dinner
went inside for ceremony
girls are cute
naama shows up
we say hi and bye to dana
walk back to apartment with naama
meet imanuel
stop by naamas and wait for the man with the car
drink chinese tea
try again to see apartment
no go, but we leave to get gas
alli drops the flag out the window
we circle around and grab it
get back home to lots of peeps and invent pini
play pini for a few hours
new girls
coach stays
imanuel leaves
coach and i play around a little
party in our room
everyone leaves
watch crass doc
really inspiring (the only authority is yourself)_
i go to bed

wake up this morning
take sheruit to nave yonatan
see rachael
she gives me coolest present ever for my birthday
we spend the day building a greenhouse
talk to alli about what we'll do in LA
hammering things
took some photos
ate
talked to rachael in hebrew
give her my email address
we talk about translating
get on the bus and say goodbye
get home and hang out before walking to the visa place
get there and walk around getting alli so many itchy remedies
get visa questions answered
walk to get booze for tomorrow
walk back to gadi's and get free birthday falafel
we part ways so alli can do birthday things
i get home and email photos
vid chat with dad
talking with trigg!!!
in korea
now showering for karaoke night!

well, i showered for karaoke night
it went like this
got ready
naama came over and we gave her flowers and a framed photo of the group
we all leave for the karaoke bar in a sheruit
reminds me of the first night we all went out
get to the bar in tel aviv and drink way too much
i sign up to sing creep and don't go chasin' waterfalls
naama sings 'hero' and dedicates it to us
we dance
i inspect the new guy's ipod
we escape at alice's insistence
i pee outside and we walk to another bar to meet nufar and her boys
lots of dancing, convincing, turning down
we leave and start to walk to another club with izy, but we all have to go home
we hop in a cab and i wake up in front of our house
i get to the front door and puke
get in bed and sleep
wake up this morning to an upset stomach and don't stop puking until about 2 hours ago
there's a knock at the door, buffy comes in, and alli makes me get it
its a gigantic bouquet of flowers with teo sweet cards from my mom and alice
i wake up to lots of sweet messages
mom calls
dad and joan skype call
i call amber!!!
chat with andrew!!!
david calls from germany!!!!!
i'm getting ready to shower and check out our potential apartment
they're trying to "kick us out" by 12PM tomorrow. but it's not going to happen
it's my birthday goddamnit.
then tonight, the SUB KUCH!!
OBAMA~!!!!

love,

sally

just because the sky turned from grey into blue

2009-01-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

the best laid plans are bullshit. things that are the most right hurt the most also. for me anyway. because i'm abnormal. i'm embracing that. it's ok. the point is that i've made some decisions about what to do next. i stand by them, even thought they are difficult. here they are:

1) stay in israel for the next 6 months and work to save money to get to africa. i feel like whatever i'm doing here is valuable for me and other people. i like that feeling.

2) the ministry of agriculture that we volunteer with has offered alice and i jobs working in a lab cleaning seeds for the clean room for research. i like that idea. working with my hands. it's cleansing. all the way.

3) we found an apartment in ramla (the city that i've been living in for the past few months). it's 3-bedroom for 2000 sheckels (that's about 800 dollars). plus, it's fully furnished. not bad.

4) momo (owner of oranim educational initiatives) has offered us part time work at the office in kfar saba promoting the israel service corps (the program i've been on).

5) if we want, we've been offered jobs by the women we volunteered with working for the city of ramla to help with volunteer programing and tutoring english.

so things are looking pretty interesting at this point. i'm in a crazy place in my life. i'm lost and stuck in an in between place. i'm not safe emotionally. i'm safe physically. but not at home. i'm so fucking far away from home that i couldn't be more far away from home. but fuck it. if i was at home i would be pining for something else anyway. some adventure. and that's all i'm doing, really. this is the time. i have no responsibility at home. i miss the fuck out of my family and feeling comfortable and safe at home. i miss my friends. my real ones. and people that love and care about me no matter what. but i will tell you something. you really find out who your true friends are when you're away from home. if anything i've learned that. i'm no dummy. just a little slow. i guess i'm just slowly learning how to take down the walls that i put up that hold me back. and away from other people. that's the scariest fucking thing i've ever done. it's terrifying actually. it feels like i'm screaming inside to just let go. stop being scared. you can fucking do this. you can fucking do anything. just relax. breathe. stop. ok now go and don't stop until i die. so that's what i'm doing. if anything i learn from several people in particular: if i want a pizza, i gotta order it. i'm dialing the number. it's ringing. "hello?..."

________________________________________________________

UPDATE: alice just got a call from her mom including an ultimatum to be back in LA by august 1, 2009 for her sister's sweet 16. so that's interesting news. i don't know EXACTLY what it means yet, but it's something. it's funny, the fact that there's a bit of an expiration date on this particular adventure gives me a renewed energy for being here. a goal to work for. we talked about coming back, going to school for a year or so, then going to south america for the peace corps. why not, right? i figure if i can do this, i can do anything. i feel great. alice is upset because she likes existing in the unknown. nay, thrives in it. but i think it'll be ok. it even gives me more of an appreciation for my time here. YAY

love,

sally

her hair is soft and her breath is soft and her name is soft

2009-01-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

i watched the neil young movie 'heart of gold' today. he started talking about his daughter, then played this song that he'd written about her. i thought about my dad. so dad, if you can hear me, watch this movie.

When your summer days come tumbling down
And you find yourself alone
Then you can come back and be with me
Just close your eyes and I'll be there
Listen to the

sound
Of this old heart beating for you
Yes I'd miss you
But I never want to hold you down
You might say I'm here for you

When the winter comes to your new home
And snowflakes are falling down
Then you can come back and be with me
Just close your eyes and I'll be there
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/AlkD ]
Listen to the sound
Of this old heart beating for you
Yes I'd miss you
But I never want to hold you down
You might say I'm here for you

In the spring, protective
arms surrounding you
In the fall, we let you go your way
Happiness I know will always find you
And when it does, I hope that it will stay

Yes I miss you
But I never want to hold you down
You might say I'm here for you
Yes I miss you
But I never want to hold you down
You might say I'm here for you
I'll always be here for you

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

but in other news:::

this is what happened the last few days:

got picked up super early
drove to the north to the western gallilee to meet guide shauilee
drove to binyamina
hiked a little
saw beautiful view
walekd further to rothschild garden
very peaceful, i would love to have a garden when i'm older
alice and i took gay photos
went to rothschild grave
took photos with fish
met a bat
went for lunch in zichron yaacov
TACOS!!!!
met nice people from scotland and new orleans
they said we could stay there
talked to mom on phone
she's sad i won't be home
exchanged money
we drive to valley with caves
do some more hiking, stairs, think i'll die
enter home
more hiking
find caves, alice hears boars
more hiking
i talk to shauliee about hiking stamina
maybe i'll go hiking to get in shape, i realize i need to
get used to the pain
meet up with guy doing research, he tells us about the different species of stuff on each ridge
kosher dick
run into goat herd at the end, weirdest goats ever
and horse
get done hiking and start drive to kibbutz
listen to music and enjoy the view
stop at grocery store for dinner fixins
get to kibbutz, its fucking freezing
hang with naama and get some tea, talking about jewish boys
cut up veggies for barbeque
eat skewers
too cold
hang inside
finish eating
walk down to the bar owned by yariv's bro
explore but no one there
go back to room and hang watching batman while buffy and naama talk
get ready and pick up other girls until time to leave
get to bar and get first shots
bob dylan, alanis morisette
more drinks
play pool wth jade and alice, we suck
start playing toothpick games
get into it
really fun
drink more and hang out
play pool horribly
more free shots and drinks
walk home and pass out

today

woke up and walked to fortress for breakfast
really yummy breakfast in cool ass building with high school kids
meet yariv, wants to expand ISC
finish eating and go outside to check out the view
we hear about rockets nearby
really windy but really amazing
yariv tells us about his house that he's building
i could live on a kibbutz
see butt fucking sillouhette
go to fortress and yariv tells us about the significance with the crusades
keeps getting calls about the rockets
naama and yariv get into a disagreement about the bad stuff jews did
its just war, that's how it is
we get finihsed and walk all the way up to the tower
incredible view
walk down, crawl under locked fence
get to van and drive to rainbow canyon
take a hike around, really windy but beautiful
can see a third of israel, lebanon border and lookout
get outta there and go to cliffs
can't swim or you'll get shot around lebanon border
walk down by water, clearest blue, weird animals and sandy/reefy
pick up trash, yariv is sad because its' dirty
get out and drive to acko, alice and i start playing bad song games
get to acko and eat lunch, talking about the significance of acko and underground city
ate at hummus place
went to bathroom got turned down for a photo
got delicious desert
walked through city and market
i'd love to go back there
market was closed
walked around more and yariv told us about the riots there
finished up in acko and left yariv
best trip so far
drove, played bad song games again, slept
got home
imanuel stopped by
i kill myself trying to be natural but it hurts and its hard
we play songs and record stuff
naama comes by
really funny actually
he's just ridiculous
talks about him moving in
basically i need to be an adult, not worry about this, be myself, not care what he thinks. i'm a woman. it's ok to like someone, but i can be mature and direct and honest about this situation.
now i feel better
going to sleep
closing ceremony tomorrow

next day:

we woke up and cleaned the house getting ready for a visitor
i got picked up by naama to help dana preparing the kids' photos
i end up going to nave yonatan all by myself to mat these prints
say hi to rachael on the way in giving her a big hug
with terrible board, terrible tape, no help
i end up matting the prints by myself, but get a really cute girl named mya to help me cut tape
she asks me how i know rachael and tells me that rachael loves me but doesn't want everyone to know it (i think she's shy that she thinks the teacher is cool)
we finish up, mya asks me for a hug which i gladly give her (it was very sweet)
i hurry up to wait for zvi and jodi to get lost trying to pick me up
they FINALLY find me and we go to the place to set up for the closing ceremony
gets too late, so i just post the photos on a bulletin board
people start to file in and it's really nice because it's all the people that we've been working with for the past 5 months
karen from the TV station, sivan from kadima, fifine from sharet, elenor and yobsifer from nave yonatan, segev from el-em, and orna and yarden (my host mom and sister)
they all showed up to thank us and give us certificates of appreciation and completion
we start and momo says a few words, then each of our placements gets up to thank us individually
fifine gives us journals that our kids wrote sweet notes in to us (alli and i broke down at this point)
we all get up to say some words of thanks to each other and our volunteer placements and get really emotional (especially when i see fifine, orna, and alice)
we finally finish and say goodbye
alice and i walk home, stopping by kadima to say hi for a minute to the kids
get home in just enough time to drop our stuff off before walking to the community center to paint a wall with christian arab and jewish scouts together
it was really cool
i got some good shots
but i got to hear the leader of the christian scouts talk about the injustices carried out against the christians by the muslims and i realized that things are really not changing very quickly
it was nice to meet these kids though, and we painted a cool wall
alice and i walked home and changed before running out to the sub kuch to celebrate
we finally get there and hang out with the boys, daniel, etan, and yanez (jerk)
lots of celebratory beverages
have fun sitting and talking and loving
we go up to daniel's room and hang out with sebastien from vienna
leave the room early with etan and sebastien to talk at the bar (i realize i need to leave so i go back to daniel's room)
we decide to leave in a cab
finally get home and pass out

yesterday:

woke up kinda late and got a call from imanuel to see if we wanted to watch a movie
alice and i lazily putter around and watch part of darjeeling together
we hang out talking for a while and we finally call him to come over
he comes and brings the neil young movie
we make apple tea and hang out with buffy outside
we're shocked by her casting off of one of our other roommates
we go back inside and talk about imanuel moving in
he thinks he'll do it
i think that'll be ok
i just get real
we watch most of 'heart of gold'
i think about josh and my dad
get a little watery
imanuel leaves and al and chill out more trying to figure out what to do
we decide tonight's the night
i talk to my mom and eddie. i miss them
i call caitlin and it's really nice to talk to her (i love her, we'll always be close)
try really hard to get everyone out of the house
finally works, kinda
i call dylan and he makes my day
so wise
reminds me that being perfect is no fun
if everything was normal and working, we'd have nothing to live for
we get ready and cheers
things start to happen and life is good
i think about the fact that i'm still the little girl i used to be
i give that little girl and hug and let her know that everything will be ok
i won't let her down
i miss home like crazy and get stuck there, away from everything i know
makes me really sad
listen to radiohead and look at the maps
jodi comes in and tells us about her ex
alice and i decide to go outside
i get scared but she convinces me it'll be ok
i realize that i am the way i always am and that i can choose to be happy if i want it
i didn't choose to be happy at home and if i don't choose to be happy and unafraid here, then i won't be anywhere
we swing a little and walk to the wall we painted, then back down the street
grab a tangerine and hang out in the jungle in our front yard
alice drops the tangerine, i find it and we throw it at the house to scare jodi and shlomi
go back inside to call harper (no answer, funny message)
call andrew and we talk for hours and hours recording most of it
i'm just stuck in this weird in between place
neither here nor there
i better find a way to be ok or i never will be and its just that simple
talk about love, what it means
i fall in love all the time, for short periods of time
most of the people i fall in love with have no idea and most never will
maybe i can let myself love someone that loves me
talk about things that it was time to talk about
feels pretty good
there's these people that i am in love with, but i won't let myself love back
i need to stop thinking so much
it's ok to be lost. just jump in.
"if nothing else that's life. its real, sometimes it fucking hurts. but it's sorta all we have."
"when i'm with you i feel so safe. like i'm home"
we finally say goodnight after a good talk
i talk to my dad for a minute
then al and i talk about it a little before passing out after dawn
we wake up this afternoon and putter around some more before making eggs and watching stick it
i remember what it was like to be a gymnast
i want to have my body have muscles again
be in shape
that'll be great
now i have time
now we're watching garden state. and i love this movie. it makes me feel like i want to feel
it hurts to miss people and things and it's fucked up
but it's everything there is
now what?

i'm yelling into an abyss and it feels scary and good and real.

"for the first time in our lives, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is that we are. and i think that'll be better."

stay tuned for plans.

love,

sally

i like your sweater, i like your coat

2009-01-07T15:04:00.001-08:00

i apologize in advance. our internet has been really really really fucked up. so i just listed everything again. love you. sorry. bye.

slept through kadima
imanuel stopped by and we talked for a while
watched wall e with imanuel
got the urge to record so i did
came up with some cool stuff
talked to andy
went to sleep
woke up and went to ulpan
walked through the wrong way, and walked through the cemetary and jumped the fence
learned cool things
zvi came
we called him
got home and made food
zvi came back over
we took down the sukka
called josh because i was sad
alli and i talked a lot because i got sad
she made me feel better
then we made fucked up songs
sent them all to friends
went to bed watching scrubs with alli
woke up this morning to sharet
played with kids all day, theyre great
games really productive
talked to them about their view of the war
talked to woman from volcani
came home and recorded another song
really cool
left hurredly for kfar saba
ran to the atm, sheruit to train station, caught train barely, got off train
walked to the office (talked about alli's love life)
started to rain, coach picked us up
drove to kibbutz to surprise eddie
talked to dad, told him my temporary plans
got to place
i got nervous, but saw eddie speak made my heart soar
then i spoke
saw new friend
we all ate dinner
fuck i'm gonig to miss him
said hi to new friend and that i like his music
said sad goodbye to eddie
drove to tel aviv
to ramla
talked to coach about army and war
got home
played fun music times

next day:

im so happy today
just grumpy
bus nap
got to kibbutz
met russian group
had no idea what to talk about
ended up describing program and anwering questions
i was really proud of what we do
talekd to heidi who works with african refugees
gonna do that
combo of being proud of music and not caring what others think
met guy on bus
listened to music and talked
got to blind place, men were hilarious
i felt high from happiness
couldnt eat lunch
so we went to a place
cute guy checked me out
ate laffa
talked to heidi and jodi and naama
shes got balls
ran to bus
talked about eat a dick
listened to music with card tricks
dreamy russian guys
left them
taught them game
drove home
hung out
tried to record
fucked it up
got lot kinda to nave yonatan
dana told me the girls wanted to show me a dnace
they did
i beamed
i almost cried
gave camera
one got mad
we went outside
almost got into a fight with boys
proud of girls
waled home fast
saw alice
recorded jungle symphony
drinking
drunk
goign out
didn't go out
just stayed home and passed out

next day:

woke up and fucked around all day
got up and showered
watched deathproof
marissa and keegan are the best friends ever
they made me ridiculous videos
went to sub kuch
met boys
got birthday treats
met friend
i am very surprised by a hand on my face and a kiss on my lips
asked to leave
fucking almost die getting to the station
sherit home really fast
get home and comfy
i'll be right back
comes back
we start
long time, really good, but i'm totally distracted
afterwards i pee on myself trying to get my tampon out
we sleep
wake back up
i do a little something
leaves
i beat myself up and stuff
talk myself out of why i'm an asshole
i go back to sleep
get up and make some food
watch death proof
watch ferris bueller
watch airheads
try to record something
get picked up by orna and kids
so happy to see them
we have a really nice dinner
put spoons on noses
i eat chocolate
eat glass
get dropped off
meet new roomates
and fifi
now in bed
picking photos for kids

yesterday:

LAST DAY OF ULPAN
sad to leave michal
learned a lot
new teacher came and we discussed the "matzav" (situation) in gaza
i like her
came home and hung out for a while
called and spoke to mr. keegan mcinroe
edited photos for the kids' exhibition that we're having at the closing ceremony
decided to go to the sub kuch with new roommate robin
talked to dad on the sheruit for a while about eddie
kinda sad
i miss them
got to the sub kuch and remembered its open stage
i walk up to check the gallery and this dude is playing man man on the piano
i start singing with him and he teaches me how to play it
cool guy tim from the west coast, just got off birthright
hung out for a while
i played joanna newsom and radiohead badly
i need to practice
tim and friend play nelly and beyonce
i feel better
gave link to chen
hung out with daniel in his room
played some songs
in the night
kind of annoyed, but only mildly. just sketched
walked to the sheruit station
waited for a while and decided to catch a cab
got home kinda late, but not too late
had a friend sleeping over
put a blanket, kiss on the forehead
answered new boston friend's email
found weshotjr posted my year end review
fuck i MISS THOSE GUYS AND GIRLS
makes me sad
went to bed

today:

woke up and went to volcani
bought some pears and grumpily caught sheruit to nave yonatan
got onto the bus and hung out until rachael got on and said "BOEE" (come on)
we chilled on the bus and listened to michael jackson on my ipod, talking for a bit
spent the day hanging out and pulling weeds, getting really dirty
slicing olives, peeling garlic, cutting lemons to make olive oil
it was great
then hadar took us to speak with rivka, the woman who'll be giving us a job in the plant gene bank
they peel seeds in the lab and clean them for stock in the cold room
we got real excited
all we need is a work visa and a bank account
so we finished up with the kids and ate lunch
kept seeing joke guys
rachael told me she'd get me a present for my brithday (i gave her the CD with her photos)
we took photos all on the bus (she loves that)
came home and took a nap before kadima
new roommate, grrrrrrrrrrrrr
woke up and walked to kadima
spent time hanging out and playing soccer
i scored my first goal!!!!!
love those kids
really great, gonna miss them a lot
talked to naama
she said the kids' photos look gorgeous
can't wait for the closing ceremony
came home and imanuel came by for a smoke
alice made stir fry after we stopped by and grabbed some veggies
watched the worst movie ever made (volleyball strippers)
got another message from boston friend
zvi stopped by with an offer and a postcard from ERNIE!
spoke to coach about his army visit
getting ready for trip to gallilee tomorrow
upset because i can't find my camera charger

all the new music i've been making is here. thanks to everyone who's listened already.

love everyone...

sally

one day baby we'll be old and think of all the stories that we could've told

2009-01-05T05:06:00.000-08:00

well, today is a little different. call it lazyness if you will but i've only got a brief report of events. i realized some things this weekend that merit more respect. we went to the shoshana in natanya this friday after hanging at the sub kuch for some time with some nice people with good hair and tall frames. i realized that janez is kind of a douche and that's a pretty relieving little fact. i'm glad to be over that. anywho, went to the shoshana and practically passed right out with roni. woke up to some really nice things and burekas. took some polaroids and hung out in the lovely ocean breeze. alice, roni, and i decided to watch into the wild. i'd never seen it and it would be an understatement to say that it impacted me. the fact that this young, ambitious, intelligent person declined everything anyone but nature had to offer him, escaping the stronghold of society inspires me beyond measure. i wrote my thoughts in another place, but it meant a lot. got me thinking. i needed it.

after the movie, i was in a different place mentally and emotionally. we watched the sunset, and it was one of the most beautiful moments i've ever had. later on, we played some guitar, and a plural game, before eran drove alice, edai, and myself to tel aviv so i could meet my brother. i walked in the mall and from the escalator up, i spotted my bro and yelled his name, we both ran to meet in the middle, him upwards, me down. it was such a sweet moment. we couldn't stop hugging. i was so happy to see him. he's proud of me. i am proud of him. we ate some food and arms around each other, took a great polaroid that i can't now seem to find. but we decided to meet their birthright group at a beach bar called, la mer. the music was terrible, but i met a very interesting person/musician. and of course, i got to hang out with my brother and indulge in some nargilah which was more worth it than anyone will ever know. once it was time for them to leave, we hugggggggggged and said nighty night. alice and i walked to the sub kuch and hung out for a long long long time before her soccer partner picked us up in his loud, fast mazda or something. it was really a funny ride.

we got home at 3:30AM only to wake up at 8AM for a trip into some ancient caves. i was not excited when i woke up. pretty grumpy even. but we went and it was really cool. mostly dove breeding caves for food and fertilizer and caves to keep the dead. really interesting. then we went to a tank museum, containing 160 tanks from around the world, including the new mach4 top secret israeli tank. eddie would have loved it. i told him i'd take photos. after the trip, we came home and imanuel stopped by to hang out and share some israeli music and photos from his travels. he's a really cool guy. glad we're friends with him. so fucking funny. went to bed late after reading a great article about chris mccandles, the kid who inspired into the wild.

alice and i had a great talk last night. i won't get too into it because it's something that's very personal. what i will say is that i find myself doing everything for approval in every aspect of my life. i'm tired of it. there have been times when i've not cared what others thought. i want to get back there. to think for myself. to create things for their own sake rather than what others think. it's just fucking bullshit and i'm better than that. that's all there is to it. and allowing myself to get sucked into the petty concerns of life. even relationships. it's time to wake up. be strong. be me. ok. i'm glad she's here. i get challenged in good ways. it's important to talk about this.

today we went to volcani. i fucking love it there. and rachael is my favorite. alli and i realized today that even if a grown man fucked with me, rachael would kick his ass. that makes me proud. i pulled weeds in the field. it felt good to get dirty and sweaty. i spoke to the woman about getting jobs after the program is over in two fucking weeks. she said she'd look into it. that would be great. after we got home, i called marissa because she is my best buddy and having a hard time at law school. i just want to give her a hug and tell her everything wll be fine. i just want her to be happy. she's just sysiphus on the mountain. now i'm napping. talk soon.

love,

sally

speak, baby speak, tell me i'm weak

2009-01-02T03:47:00.000-08:00

al and i got a bus to jerusalem
met dad and joan with their tour guide, tomer
drove to kibbutz tzuba, where dad and joan were staying
hung out at reception and got some yummy sandwiches, talking about the trip
got showered, best feeling ever ever ever
watched figure skating, latin ballroom, and interpretive dance
woke up and had breakfast
dreamy guys everywhere
al and i found out how we can work there
took a walk around the grounds, pretty place
left for eilat
got a little lost (tense!)
went to where the dead sea scrolls were found and saw a video and the ancient grounds
really cool, place to hike
drove more to the dead sea, ate there (didn't get in, dad didn't want to leave the car)
drove more to masada, BARELY made the cable car thingy
got up to the top, gave dad bar mitzvah since he's never had one (really sweet)
i asked for a talit from oranim, gave it to him and had him say a tali prayer in hebrew at the best lookout of all masada. he liked it :)
took the last cable car and got back down
saw harper WEIRD
drove to eilat at sunset/night
looked at stars
amazing views
got to hotel after getting SUPER lost driving through las vegas of israel
walked to dinner at italian place, after problem woman changing kid on table
got back and got ready, met birthright group at unplugged
danced on bar and drank
really smelly dude (al's boyfriend)
met adam smith and boys
facebooking adam smith
maybe like, one smeethome
slept
woke at 6 for petra
picked up at other hotels
got to border
waited a lot
got through the jordanian border (cancelled our visas)
cool gift shop, turkish coffee oasis
finally got on a bus
drove 2 and a half hours
really cool photos shot out the window of the bus
crazy dilapidated towns
amazing looking people
arrived at petra
molested by shop guys who gave us cool head scarves
one put a burka on my face, it was really scary
i felt like a woman who was being trapped
started walking down through the canyon
most amazing thing i've seen ever
horses and beduins and carved out rock homes and temples
finally walked through a narrow canyon and emerged in a huge open space, revealing the most amazing thing i've ever seen
a huge ornate temple carved out of a mountain face
took lots of photos:
dad and joan with camel, al with guard on cell phone
people like their picture taken here, not in israel
made some little hustler friends (young girls trying to sell us postcards)
we finally left them, kept climbing and taking in the atmosphere
it felt as if we were back in the spice route times
really amazing jewelry places
no money
found horses in front of a carved out house
climbed up carved out stairs and just sat for a minute taking everything in
very peaceful
walked back most of the way, then talked our way into riding some horses the rest of the way
got to the oriental restaurant and ate some jordanian food with boring/exciting kentucky people
i asked if they knew jim james. they didn't
we almost left al because she took too long to shop, then almost got hit by a bus
drove a long way to the border, through the mountains and amazing landscape of jordan, at sunset
got to the border, just barely got through due to border stuff
got showered up and ready for dinner
found this yummy place called pago pago
ate an amazing calamari salad
got sea sick since the restaurant was a boat
talked about favorite things
got home and vegged out
watched movies
fell asleep
woke up next morning kinda late, got breakfast
checked out of hotel
drove through the negev, to ramon crater
really amazing museum and lookout
the most beautiful scenery i've ever seen
drove to the kibbutz where ben gurion is buried
walked in on an IDF swearing in ceremony
just so many young, new soldiers
it was interesting because the war just started and these are all just kids
we didn't find ben gurion's house, but we did find a little cafe to eat
afterwards, we got really lost in the beduin suburbs but finally found the house
got convinced into a wine tasting by a guy from cali that started a vineyard out here
got to ben gurion's house right before it closed, had to maneuver through lots of soldiers
on the way out, we discovered a "yad shniyah" shop (means second hand in hebrew)--i'm a genius
dad almost bought be a 35mm film body, but it had a scratch
there were the most amazing sweaters ever
the shop keeper told us that be'er sheva was a danger zone, so we should go around it
it's a good thing because we were going to stop there
we left and drove more through the desert
more beautiful scenery
took a really long time to get to ramla, but we finally did
said goodbye to dad and joan
started to decompress and get ready for new year's eve
imanuel stopped by and we hung out for a while
he showed us this:

really impressed, israeli musician
it got so late that al and i just did the countdown to new year's in the kitchen, took a shot of vodka, kissed, and watched darjeeling limited before going to sleep
i video chatted with josh, which was great. i really miss him.
sleep
woke up yesterday and fiddled around a bit, cleaning for naama to bring a municipality worker by the house
i need to grow up kinda
we had a security meeting at the apartment about what to do in case of an emergency
walked home and chilled before meeting the kids at nave yonatan so i could show them the photos they took last week
on the way i found a little woven arrow attached to a branch, i found a pink shoelace and tied a bow on the end to prevent the ends from fraying further
decided to give it to dad and joan because it represents israel:
it has a point or goal, but the edges are starting to come apart, except they are tying everything together to keep it together
when i arrived, we got on the computer at the school and was very impressed by one girl's work. she has an eye for sure
i showed them some of my work
next week i'll bring the cameras, they seemed kinda disappointed that i didn't bring them
got done and headed out on the slowest sheruit i've ever been on with the worst driver possible
got to tel aviv and just took a fucking cab to meet dad and joan at the tel aviv museum of art
the guy dropped me off at the wrong corner and i got all flustered and hurried trying to find them since i was supposed to have been there a whole hour and a half before (but i did have a pretty sweet conversation with the cab driver in all hebrew)
we finally met up and drove around for a while trying to find someplace to eat before getting to the airport
i'm really proud of how they have navigated with the rental car
they get terribly lost always
but it makes me appreciative that i don't drive here
decided to just go to the airport, got gas miraculously and laughed about accents
spent some time getting things sent and eating sandwiches
we talked about their favorite parts of the trip and al got to say goodbye over the phone
we hung out a little more and then stood in the security line until it was time to go to the terminal
everyone got all flustered in line and it was funny
really good looking guys work at the airport
they got check in and it was time to say goodbye to dad and joan
i don't know when i'll get to see my dad next so it was really sad
no tears then, but big hugs and kisses and love
i will miss my dad very much
he's the best dad ever and i told him so
we waved goodbye one last time and i walked away, looking back
as soon as i left them a wave of sadness hit me
i almost cried, but had to figure out how to get to the train to tel aviv to meet al, so i did
joan gave me this sick photo book from an amazing photojournalist that has been documenting all the fucked up stuff going on during the war in israel named pavel wolberg
i suggest him
waiting for the train, i met this cool australian guy traveling with his girlfriend
told him about the sub kuch, we rode on the train together, then walked to the bus station once in tel aviv
al called me from the station right when we got there, so we met, i said goodbye to the aussie and we walked to the sub kuch
lots of good looking guys there last night, but all we did was look
we just spent the night hanging with sagi, daniel, mayyan, and everyone else
saw yanez, kinda weird
met asaf who is working on a global awareness project in the form of a music festival in the south near be'er sheva
got his number
daniel gave me the asaf avidan CD!@!!!!! ("eets a plesent")
best present ever
alice really wanted to go home so we grabbed a cab after some treats
i got woken up as soon as we got home and we passed out
this morning, alice thought i was sleep-picking-my-nose
we've basically just been bumming around all day, excpet to get some groceries
made some eggs with challah
i've been writing this fucking thing all day, catching up with friends, looking at photos and hip hop choreography videos
talked to eddie who is in jerualem, but he's so busy that i haven't gotten to see him yet
i can't wait until he gets to tel aviv
i miss the shit outta that guy
so tonight al and i are gonig to natanya supposedly
love everyone...

PLUS!!

new photos here

and here

love,

sally

i will lay in grass, in the grass, all day

2008-12-28T06:50:00.000-08:00

woke up early, freaking out because i knew my dad would be flying in. i tried to get money from al, both in our sleepy states, but ended up just falling back asleep, only to be woken up by my dad's call from the airport. i called my bro to wire money so i could get a cab there. it worked. i finally got to the airport driving in pouring rain. the cab driver assured me that it was his job to get me there safely. i finally found dad and joan upstairs near the car rental place. we had a big big hug, but i knew they were beat from traveling. so we looked everywhere for the car. found the damn thing. drove to tel aviv straight from the airport because joan wanted to check out the contemporary galleries there. i was really surprised at how well i navigated the area considering i don't drive here. we visited a few galleries within walking distance of each other. it's always cool, because joan asks to see artists' work for possible opportunities at her palce in dallas, so we got to see some portfolios of some neat photographers, painters, and sculpters (aged 25-35... i got time). my favorite was this photographer that uses her transvestite brother and herself as her subjects. she also did a series about pippy longstocking. we stopped by max brenner for some chocolate chai tea and hot cocoa, and posed for some photos before finding some sucariot (hanukkah donuts) and another contemporary photography gallery. then we got lost driving back to ramla. my dad gets super frustrated when he drives in foreign countries apparently. its kinda funny. we got back to the house and met alli. i showed them the house and we scrounged around to get them directions to their kibbutz near jerusalem.

dad and joan went on their way and zvi called to say that he would be picking us up to speak to a birthright group at a kibbutz in jerusalem later that evening. we got ready, kinda nervous, and went on out way. zvi thinks he's telepathic, which is pretty fantastic. anyway, we arrived to the hotel and walked in the back while momo was speaking. there was about 200 fucking people in that room. nervous. we sat through the whole thing of course, trying not to get a laugh attack. i'm terrified of mom0 yelling at me in front of 200 people. so it came time for us to speak and i grabbed the mic knowing that i'd need it. i ended up speaking too quietly anyway, and momo told me so. i just need to talk to the crowd like i'm talking on the phone. because i'm fucking loud there, as alice keeps telling me. i must get that from my mom. afterwards, we grabbed some food in the dining room and todd dropped us at home first, to pick up the vid cam, before driving us to tel aviv. sub kuch, of course. it was a good directions day for me. we spent that night hanging out with daniel, etan, and sagi, before i swiftly passed out from a long day in daniel's room. alice woke me up in time to walk to the sheruit station in the freezing rain so i could then pass back out in the sheruit while we waited, so i could wake up just in time to arrive home and pass the fuck back out in my own bed. go al. good call.

we woke up the next morning and just hung around watching movies and being lazy assholes until al had to get ready to attend a candle lighting with the prime minister and i got ready to meet my dad and joan in jerusalem. it's christmas, remember that. i finally got to the bus station and ran to catch a bus that was leaving just as i arrived. well i finally got to the central station and waited for a while. i bought a thingy-tapestry. waited more. dad and joan FINALLY got there and we sat through 40,000 car strong traffic going down the hill. we also passed 10 dead cars on the way, so that had something to do with it, coupled with the fact that i'm told there was 40,000 people going to bethlehem for ole' jesus's b-day. by the time we had escaped form the automotive stronghold, i had convinced dad and joan to drive to tel aviv for some grub at the sub kuch, and to show them where i hang my party hat. we arrived and had a lovely meal enhanced by lovely daniel's generosity in the form of fried veggies. they were tired and anxious to head home so they did, but not before i got to introduce dad and joan to some friends. it was really nice. after they left, al arrived on their heels. we had a couple drinks and al decided to go home. i had some really nice chats with my new friend and we tried to pass out in the bunk. didn't really work and i hung out with sagi before deciding to pass out on the couch. woke up the next morning and headed home alone. i like walking and listening to music alone. its nice. arrived home and al and i just relaxed and hung out, watching movies and talking.

the next day we vegged out as well, just watching movies and chilling. it was beautiful. we even just passed out until yesterday, when we woke up with enough time to get ready to meet my dad for dinner. we were walking to the bus station when he called and embarrassingly admitted that they only had room for three. we assured him it was no big deal. plus, that meant we were free to go to natanya and hang with the boys. i thought about the quote that "a girld even knows what she looks like crying over the death of her father". so we caught some sheruits out there, getting picked up by roni and lior. it was a lovely gesture. we spent the whole night making fires, sitting by them, i fell again off a bench. we ate some grub, played some guitars, worked on making up words and explaining. i lost al at one point and decided to pass right out in roni's bed, thinking about jeremy and dave. i sent a leonard cohen lyric. woke up nicely and al and i booked it back to ramla in time to get to our activity at y-shai school. we basically had to make up these activites for these random kids. we figured out a pin-the-tail on the donkey thing with balloons and popping and menorahs (actually called hanukiot). it was a hit, then we played pictionary. they're good kids. got photos. THEN WE WENT BOWLING AND ATE PIZZA AND PLAYED GAMES!!!! i suck at bowling, but it was so much fun. i had to con the bus driver to let us off, but we made it home and now we're getting ready to go to dad's kibbutz to sleep before driving to mesada, dead sea and then eilot on the way to PETRA!!!! that's why this post is so choppy and not grammatically correct or even that interesting. i can do better. promith. OH, the gaza attacks are happening right now, but not anywhere close to me so don't worry. i'm fine and will be fine. "ok, a guy could get it up for a fucking air-conditioner." al just said that right now and it made me laugh so i typed it. i'll leave you with that sentiment.

more soon about petra and LOTS of pics.

love,

sally

you're not obliged to swallow anything you despise

2008-12-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

today was a good day. we woke up late. but this time, we were allowed to. the only obligation we had today was to attend a meeting with the absorption center people so that they could inform us about the details involved with making aliyah (moving to israel). i wasn't that interested because i don't plan on moving to israel any time soon. but i did get the chance to write the really cool dream i had in my brand spanking new journal. hey, at least i didn't break into a laughing fit. anyway, after the meeting, alice and i came home and cleaned our entire room from top to bottom. we swept, organized (as much as i can organize), washed our sheets and clothes. the whole nine yards. listened to some good music. alice made bean burritos with guacamole. absolutely amazing. later in the evening, imanuel stopped by for a smoke and to see if he could fix the bike parts we found and fashion them into actual bikes. no luck yet, but he's optimistic as long as he can take some tools to them. we'll see. we also worked on the photos i took of him last week. he seemed to like them. after he left, i skyped the hell out of everyone and spoke to very many good friends and family members. i was inspired to edit photos by adam because we're both living the dream, informed by kaity that she's getting engaged, was told by denise that she's enjoying austin, eddie is getting excited and nervous for israel, mom wants me to call lisette, emily wants me to come home so we can go on a trip, made aunt andie cry and prompted a very sweet email from her, got excited by most, a little sad too. dad texted me. he's on a plane as we speak. then, i watched 'year of the dog' with al. it's a dark, sweet comedy with molly shannon, peter saarsgard, and john c. reilly. really good. for some reason it made me think of gammy, whom i also spoke to today. she hasn't changed her tune, however she is getting surgery to see if they can restore some of her vision, at least back to the limited state it was in until recently. i'm just sad and a little guilty that i can't be there with her. hopefully she'll understand. still telling me to meet a nice jewish boy and leave him here. she's a legend. now i'm listening to elliott smith with the power out. alice just blew out all the candles we had lit so that we could see. but i did finally post some photos today. i'm pretty proud of them...

www.flickr.com/photos/sallyglass

take a gander... for some reason i don't feel like sleeping. probably has to do with the fact that dad's plane gets in at 6:55AM and it's 3AM now. fuck me right? welp... goodnight hopefully.

love,

sally

i don't think i'm ever gonna figure it out

2008-12-22T15:41:00.000-08:00

wow, ok so after that clusterfuck of a post, i have some normal things to say. well, relatively normal, considering those involved. however, here goes...

yesterday after we last spoke, i finished editing photos of jen and rachael (for her brithday). last night was also the first time we were scheduled to speak to birthright groups at their closing sessions about ISC. so we got all excited and antsy for that. i forced alice to walk with me to the photo place that never really EVER seems to be open, but i figured i'd give it a shot to see if i could get rachael's photos printed before the next day. we arrived at a closed store (surprise, surprise), but knocked anyway, and the door was answered (surprisingly) by a guy that spoke only enough english to say, "i no speak english" (not surprisingly). so we abandoned that effort in enough time to get home and showered and ready to catch a sheruit to tel aviv to scope out the mall for a photo printing place. but not before lighting the first night's worth of hannukah candles and saying the blessings at home with al and buffy. it was really nice. i miss lighting them at home.

after a short sheruit ride, we finally got to the escher drawing that is the tel aviv mall/central bus station and looked around just long enough to 1) not get sucked into oblivion and 2) not find a photo printing establishment. so i decided to just give rachael the CD with the photos on it the next day and print them this week. in a freakishly obsessive effort to be on time to the closing session, and not get yelled at by momo, we immediately started walking in the direction of the hotel in which the closing session was taking place. we checked the place out, realizing that we had plenty of time, so we walked across the street to this pizza place to munch on some mozarella pesto thingies. once fully satiated, we went to pay out, but the cashier informed us that they are interested in hiring a couple of people. so we left our numbers and moseyed along. it was nearly time for us to speak, although we were still super early, so we just snuck in the door of the session and leaned against a table in the back, attempting to be as inconspicuous as possible. by now, you should realize that i have problems laughing at inappropriate times. and by laughing, i mean that i get the giggles so badly that it interrupts pretty much anything that's going on, usually something serious, and i'm mortified. both for myself and the serious person speaking. luckily, this didn't happen last night, otherwise momo would've called me out in front of a room full of people. so bullet dodged there. alice and i were both nervous, so when momo called us up to sit on the floor in the middle of a circle, it didn't really help calm the nerves. but we went anyway. i don't really remember what i said, but alice covered most of what we were collectively supposed to talk about, so i sheepishly, redundantly spoke my piece and momo mercifully took over. it wasn't all that bad, really. just terribly unprepared, i'd say. but at least now we know what to say, who will say it, etc. actually, that's a lie. we don't know that shit now. but we will. and near the end, some strange woman speaks up in the back. someone we didn't even notice enter the room. she said that her name was valerie green and that she'd left her amazing job in england, bought a car, and drove herself and her dog all the way to israel and just wanted to share her decision to make alliyah with the ripe birthright potentialities. it was cute. real surprise. after they broke for dinner, a girl came up to me that remembered me from her phone interview, mainly becuase she worked for nylon magazine at the time and i had shared my plight about the missing art layout for the photos i took for them. i suspect she was part of the reason i actually received the layout. i found out last night that she's dating the guy that i was emailing about the fucking thing. but anyway, we ended up talking with her over dinner and she seems interested to come back. she's a kickass girl, ariella. i hope she contacts us.

we left the hotel and cabbed it to the sub kuch for open mic. as soon as i walked in, i saw craig from houston (yeah, i know!) that i'd met the previous week. in the interim i'd discovered that his bandmate is dating an old friend of mine from dallas. as soon as i saw him, i mentioned her name and he freaked out. then i freaked out. then we freaked out together, and now we're friends. it's adorable. anyhoo, meital called al and i upstairs for a special candle lighting before open stage began. daniel lit the candles with his special paper candle hat made by nufar, and we all sang songs together. i met a slovanian landscape architecture student, digeridoo player named janez (which apparently means jonathan). we all hung around to see a couple of performers, when tal called me up. i played rocky raccoon for daniel and alice and history of fiction for myself. i didn't do as well as i could, but i just really need to fucking practice. that's all. however, craig did tell me that i got the audience to be quiet and listen, so that's something. then craig got up there and fuckin wailed on the guit/harmonica. then he got the resident fiddle player (cool chick) to accompany him on a tune. we cheered. it was good. next, some orthodox guys came by to make sure that every person had the opportunity to light candles. they even did it upstairs and downstairs. i got some cool photos of that. i finished up with open mic and went downstairs so that janez could teach me how to breathe right for playing the digeridoo. he ordered a glass of water with a straw and taught me how to puff up my cheeks and breathe through my nose, pushing the air out of my cheeks at the same time so the bubbles never stop forming in the water. really tricky, but i think i got the hang of it. and in the process, i met a very special person. i won't elaborate too much, but i allowed myself to feel something without judging it or becoming cynical right away. we talked about important things and about how nothing is really important. how the world would be such a better place if we didn't succumb to our egos and if women were in charge of everything. it felt nice not to try so hard, but also just be ok with whatever it was. i'll spare you. anyway, we had consciously missed the last sheruit at 3Am so that we could stay until 5AM. i ended up passing out on the couch after a nice chat with ran, the bartender about the song ("i started writing poetry so i didn't have to work, and now i work so that i don't have to write poetry"). alice woke me up at 5:30AM and we caught a cab home. we were both basically dead, when all of a sudden "happy together" by the turtles came on the radio and we both started singing and dancing in the back of the cab. supergreat moment. the driver must've been either really confused or really amused. wonderful. we passed out as soon as we got home.

this morning, we were assholes. assholes that slept through/turned off our alarms. fuck fuck fuck. so i missed rachael's birthday. and i am an asshole. i will hopefully see her this week. i'm an asshole. just in case that wasn't clear before. last night, we missed jen's farewell get together, so after scrounging around unsuccessfully for pants, i ran outside with alice to say goodbye to her as she got her aunt to drop her by the house. i'm sure going to miss that girl. wow. she's the best persian i've ever met. funniest. hands down. ever. after this, alice and i lazied about the room, watching scrubs on the internet. the only other thing we had to do was get ready for a hanukkah party at zvi's house, so we got showered and caught bits of a documentary on transvestite relatonships and one on child geniuses. both really interesting.

we left about 6PM to zvi's, where we lit candles, ate latkes, and received very sweet presents from zvi in the form of journals (including the ISC mission statement clued inside). it was lovely. something about the fact that our journey didn't start here and it won't end here, but we can document it or something. you get it. we also ate some very important hanukah pastries. donuts. fuck. i don't want to talk about it.

next, some guy stopped by the house with texts and an adam sandler song (i'll let you guess which one), to have an intimate little discussion about the nature of the hanukkah story. it was pretty cool for a bit, but then i started to fall asleep. i saw him see me dozing, so i snapped out of it just long enough to notice something funny about the text, point it out to al, start laughing, and then be completely fucked for the entire rest of the discussion. i could not stop laughing. it did not help that the moderator asked me what was so funny, which prompted me to try to give a ridiculous-sounding explanation, which made me laugh more, which made ofir pinch me and hiss "sherutim!" at me (meaning, "go the fuck to the bathroom!"), which caused alice to get up and go to the bathroom, which allowed me to calm down a bit before realizing that i might have to fart, which got me started again because i thought how i would just destroy everything if that happened and what al would do. she came back to the couch, and i immediately took her place in the bathroom, taking my sweet, sweet time so that i could just get the thing over with. i've never wanted something to be over so much in my life. i came back out to the group to sit down. about 1 minute later, we all look over and one of the texts has just lit on fire from one of the hannukah candles which just sent me to the moon. i couldn't stop laughing after that to save my life, except now everyone was laughing. so at least i was safe. the discussion was actually interesting, but it went on way too long. something about how the miracle of hannukah was really about the hasmoneans defeating the greeks, not the fucking oil. but for some reason, the jews diminished celebrating the war victory and instead promoted the magical, ritualistic miracle for the purpose of the holiday. but whatever. i apologized to the guy and asked for the piece of paper that got burned to put on our wall. ofir spent a few minutes teaching us how to make calls for oranim so we can make some extra money. i am broker than i've ever been, so it'll help.

we came back home and i chatted with some good friends that i miss very much, both from here and from home. then alli and i watched superbad. i got an email from the janez and from aunt andy and pregnant missy. i even got a comment from ernie bernie in hebrew and one from caitlin. a message from the blog about a year-end summary. i gave em one. i've had a really great year. i should summarize my year. wow. fuck. that'll take a hot minute. i'm going to bed now. i miss my gammy. my daddy comes in 2 days. tomorrow we have a meeting at the absorption center in ramla to find out about making alliyah for all interested. we get to sleep in. that's all i care about actually. jeez. the things we'll do for love, food, and sleep. it's amazing really. well, on that note...

goodnight and happy hannukah!!!! (notice how i spell it about 78 different ways? yep.)

love,

sally

everybody's dying just to get the disease

2008-12-18T03:31:00.000-08:00

so i've had a long shabbos weekend at my mom's cousin's house, but i'll fill you in on the last few days. it's been an adventure.

we woke up for sharet wednesday and played games with the kids all day. zvi, naama, and a couple of jewish federation weird people came by interrupting our lesson to ask about ISC. i spent the rest of the morning stressing out over the decision to either accompany alice to the airport to pick up her package, or going to teach photography with karen whom i've barely spoken with on the subject. i decided that i'd wait until after lunch and hope that the situation would remedy itself. it's a miracle what sandwiches can do for one's life. alice found out that she was too late anyway. meanwhile, after finishing my sandwich and rejoicing at finding the solution to my problem, i buried myself in a tub of what is essentially chocolate frosting and ate it with pretzels. i think i have a problem. maybe in anticipation for teaching-time. who knows. i headed to the idanim school for my class, listening to elliott smith on the way. i think i needed to put my mind in a previous place. a place where i felt confident about where i was or my abilities as a human. when i was studying philosophy and was managing as an independent person with my own ideas and balance and direction. i needed to remember that feeling. to remember what i wanted to say. so as i was walking through ramla, i thought about what i saw here every day. what i noticed. who i knew. what i knew about them. what i would want to express about these people. then i thought about all the children and what they go through and how they live. its almost as if they are forced to grow up sooner than other children. so i thought about the words "lost innocents", and everything made sense. that's what i'll take photos of. it was as if i was giving myself an assignment. so automatically, i wasn't just taking photos just to do it. i had a reason. so that felt pretty amazing. i ended up having to wait about 30 minutes for karen to get all the kids together, while elliott smith made me feel like a person again. i finally got all the kids together (all 2 of them) and we went through the book, figuring out which photos they liked and/or didn't like and why. mostly they just cringe at the holocaust photo and laugh hysterically at the photo of a bunch of bare-assed english dudes running down the street. never fails. but i gave them the cameras anyway, and they went to town. a crowd started to gather, so the kids passed the cameras around the group.

this is when i got tired and went to sleep, will fill it out later...

came home, al and i went to daycare center
played with babies
babies are weird
came home for dinner.
hungry
watched tv
practiced guitar and watched beyonce videos
went to avi's to try out
was real rusty
al's almost completely learned how to play rocky raccoon
i need to annunciate more
music is great. jdate is not
its cold
wrote in journal personal stuff
highlights
no more internet
smoking
eating badly
anyway, bedtime now.

woke up and went to the elderly center, al went to airport
had a long talk with jodi
writing down her stories
got a ride back with shlomi to home to charge cameras and work on song
al got home with package
went to meet dana with kids
waited for a while becuase i was early
kids got there and i showed them the photos they took and i printed
some they loved and some they didnt because they are abstract and weird
we took the cameras out for a trip
i was proud at how fearless they were
found perfect place for lost innocents (broken playground)
got all packed up to go home, dana took me
got packed up for the weekend, went to jerusalem
everyone was a sourpuss on the bus
saw etgar kerach and shlomi shabaz speak
really inspiring little talk, not at all on the surface
they reminded me what it truly is to be an artist
touching all the deeper layers of an issue, but using simpler representations
for commentary
i asked about writer's block
two things:
one said that when he needed to write, he wrote and if he didn't write he must not have needed to write, so it didn't matter
the other said that there was 7 years between his first and second album, so it'll probably just come and go, but always return (hoped that if i was experiencing it, he hoped i would wake up and it would be gone)
left the thing hopeing for an adventure. it found us in the form of eyal whom we struck up conversaton with on the street.
went to dinner with him and his friends who were lovely people
lef them on ben yehuda at 2am in search of more adventure, and possibly a place to sleep
ended up on the steps of american apparel, near the first club we went to on our birthright
we played you and yours for about 2 hours, (and being accosted 3 different times, offered sex)
one of our victims, skipping guy, offered us a place to stay
we took a cab there, no red flags, and were introduced to two sweet, young but sweet guys.
we watched zohan and al went to sleep.
next morning, we took a bus to tachanat mercozit, where al and i ate at holy bagel before trying to figure out how to get to my mom's cousin's house in beitar ilit
finally figured it out after many stressed, confused phone calls.
kind of weird at first, but really sweet
offered clothes
robes
fashion show and photos
changed, showered, slept
biggest meal ever
talked about arabs, shabbat, weird progaganda on the walls, hashem and 5 million pounds of fish
played party game
slept and woke up in the morning to yummy salad meal
i've never been so full
we spoke about evolution, and thinking that its genetically impossible
spoke about arabs again
55 percent of women and 65 percent of men unfaithful
because the kadisha is being drained from the home
now everyone is working for themselves and not for each other
how no one knows what it feels like to fear god like a king
really scary
i thought of jeremy
how these people are so afraid of pissing god off that they restrict everything, but i'd rather welcome the apocolypse than live like this
so afraid to be the same as animals
we packed up and al had a devastating moment with the photos
said goodbye to girls
i want to write a short story about how the weekend went
really weird reactions from mom about evolution, pots, arabs
but sweet sweet family
got a bus back to tel aviv
sheruit back to ramla
looked through photos with jen
going to bed
excited for dad to come

_____________________

woke up this morning and went to ulpan. michal taught us songs in hebrew. really fun ones. home now, working on photos for rachael's birthday and jen's farewell. fuck i'm tired. i love harry potter. nothing much left. love everyone. edited photos for jen and of rachael. going to tel aviv now to speak to irthright groups about ISC. kind of nervous. sorry about the shabbiness of this post. lots happened. i'll fill in the rest later... happy hanukkah.

love

sally

some girlie out there must be needy for a weedy shy guy

2008-12-16T14:16:00.000-08:00

yesterday we went early to the volcani center. we did the normal mulch sifting and kid watching. there's these two huge kids that looks way older than 12 but have attitudes like you've never seen. however, they got into manual labor. it made me proud. hung out with rachael of course. she's a joke. in the best way. i found out that her birthday is in a week. she even asked me to take photos of her. i'll print them for her as a gift. once we were done with the normal maintenance, we all took a walk through the compound to check out the expanse of fruit tree fields. we walked by the olive orchard. i fucking hate olives, but alice heard that if you strip a branch down to its core and rub your teeth with it, it makes them whiter. i don't know about that, but she thinks it works. so that matters. our walk led us to the orange trees, where we were allowed to pick a few each. these oranges are so amazingly ripe, that their peels would come off with the branch as you pulled the fruit off. really delicious. after we ate a terribly disgusting meal (really bad, i'm not picky), we got dropped off at home. OH, there's one kid in our volcani group that gets off the bus near our house. one day last week, alice and i were walking past a house caddy corner from ours that had it's door wide open. we glanced inside as we walked past and noticed a considerably medium-sized framed portrait of this kid just up on the wall directly in front of the entrance. we died laughing of course. shlomo is his name. he thought it was really amusing when we told him about it on our walk home from the bus stop.

we arrived home with enough time to go to kadima and hang out with the kids before going to tel aviv for david's goodbye party. worked with gal on english. she's probably my favorite kid there, really hilarious one. very quick and very sweet. i feel like i actually helped her with her sheet. she told me i spoke hebrew well, albeit slowly. "leat, leat", she says. we broke for breaking breakness and played some soccer at the court. all the little boys want alli on their team because she's the best ever. i'm like the fat kid that doesn't get picked for dodgeball. literally and metaphorically. except it's soccer. i always get directed to the goal on the opposing team. i have no street cred soccer-wise with these kids. i need to get better and practice, so i can actually have fun playing this game. even in high school i was terrible, but i knew enough to make some good decisions on the field so i could enjoy the thing. even the boys are becoming more friendly, though. on the way out to the court, i started to race a couple of them. i had almost won, when i noticed that two of them had stopped, and it looked like one was crying on the curb, the other comforting him and motioning for me to come over and help. i stopped running and walked back to see if i could make the kid feel better or at least find out what was wrong. as i knelt down, in comfort-mode, both boys shot up, pointing and laughing, as they ran full speed to the court, beating me at my own game. it was a good one. i was pretty impressed. also, the other day at kadima, one of the little punk asses (nisim) was trying to play guitar when alice and i stopped by to say hi. so i asked if i could help him figure out the song. i'm not the best guitarist ever, but i think it broke some ice somewhere so that i could communicate with him in connection with music as opposed to football or words. anyway, got home after kadima, worked on music a little, made mac and cheese for al and myself, and took a shower so that i didn't smell.

when it was time, we caught a sheruit to the sub kuch, where we arrived and promptly order 2 beers. i had the idea while riding that i'd add one photo per post that is related to the post itself. that's not happening this time. because _______ excuse. plus, there was a little person. at the bar, etan decided that he's great at interpreting a woman's personality by what's in her purse. he concluded that...

i am:
always prepared, by my pen
scared of technology, by my ancient phone
thinking i'm funny, from an andrew tolentino poster
loving music, from my ipod
a photographer, from my camera
on my period, from my tampon
not getting laid, from my lack of condoms

not bad huh? we also got into a conversation about love (al's favorite, my worst subject). he said that any successful, love relationship needs two things to make it work: 1) sex and 2) tolerance of the other's flaws. he used flirting as an example. it's weird. i don't even remember what its like to be in a relationship even though it was 4 and a half years long. etan insisted that there is no automatic love. it doesn't just emerge from nothing, but must be cultivated and evolve over time, which i have believed in the past when i beleved things about love and relationships. i tend recently to have not much enlightening to say on the subject, but ust being open to whatever direction i take myself or am taken or something. (as a sidenote, alice said something to me that made a lot of sense but scared and annoyed me at the same time... we were walking from a quick errand and we walked back home through the park. i started walking on the sidewalk and she cut through the park on a hill. i cut my path and walked the direction she had charted. she said, "you like paths a lot, i noticed". that idea doesn't sit well with me. probably because it is true and not a positive thing. i don't want to be a sheep among the herd. but i'm afraid that it is exactly what i am. really annoying) anyway, the bar playlist was the soundtrack from the film, fear and loathing in las vegas, which plays narration from the book, also in the film, before each song. one passage in particular was read out loud to me by dr. blake hestir at the beginning of an existentialism class the day that hunter s. thompson killed himself. blake was obsessed with thompson, and it made me think of him, so i gave him a call not expecting an answer. i was pleasantly surprised to be wrong in this moment. so we talked briefly and we updated each other as basically as possible before my phone started to cut out. i told him i'd email him, but it was really lovely to talk with blake as he was such a hugely important person for me during college. later, at the bar, i met one craig kinsey from texas. much older man. aging gypsy rocker from houston (whom i found out today, is in a band with one of my friend's boyfriends. really twisted. he's staying at the subkuch and very friendly. hopefully i'll see him play on sunday.

alice and i continue to wait for david, and treat ourselves. i head up to daniel's room, thinking alice is on my heels. she doesn't join and after about 30 minutes, i go to check to make sure she's ok, expecting to see her at the bar or in the gallery or even out front of the restuarant. no dice. i walk back up to daniel's room to see if she found her way there, but i was greeted instead by david, which was a lovely suprise. i told him i didn't know where alli was, so he accompanied me on a search mission around the corner, and up a really creepy and dark staircase. he even thought he heard her cell ringing the 13th time i called her. no answer. i went back through the subkuch, upstairs and downstairs, but no alli. i decided to walk the streets because sagi tipped me off that she was on the phone the last time i saw her. so at this point, alice is 1 of 4 possibilities:

1) dead
2) sleeping
3) with a boy
4) upset and wandering the streets

so i wander the streets, calling her name. like an idiot. but i didn't care. i wasn't really scared, because her phone was still on. just kind of nervous. i went back to daniel's room, who called her from his phone with no answer after david tried the same thing. he can tell that i'm nervous about her whereabouts, but calms me down anyway. he says he'll be right back. about 5 minutes later, daniel returns, saying that he's brought me a present and lo and behold, al comes dragging in behind him, smiling sleepily. she had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor, in the dark, at the top of the stairs, WHERE i had looked already. but not carefully enough apparently. we laughed about the whole thing and said our very sad goodbyes to david whom we won't see for a while, since he's going back to germany for the holidays. i will miss him. we make the most unexpected friends.

we walked down the street to the ATM to get cash for a sheruit after getting some munchies at the kiosk. upon the realization that we won't be able to catch a sheruit until 5AM, we hop in a cab, which takes us directly, and expensively right to our door. good quotes and a quick ride home. it's all worth it. we get home and have to climb through the kitchen window again since there's a kiey in the door already. alice breaks jodi's spice bottle, spilling mounds of chili powder all over the kitchen floor. really pretty though. reminded me of those sand bottles you make as a kid.

this morning, we slept through ulpan. woke up late, like assholes, and walked to the bank and then to the market to buy stuff for grilled cheese sandwiches. after making a series of very bad, delicious decisions, we checked out and went back home to fulfill our clogged destinies in the kitchen. our kitchen electricity is fucked, so we had to grill cheeses in our room with the panini maker. then ate. then continued hanging out until it was time to walk to the TV station. karen was not actually there, so we left and bought soup at rambo's neighborhood market. rambo is a little dude that looks very much like sylvester stallone. i'll take a photo of him. he's hilarious. very friendly guy. we arrived back and al made some delicious mushroom soup that we put cream and little crackers in. after dinner, i picked the 6 most interesting photos (posted soon) that the kids took the other day so that i could print them and show them next class. i ran with al to the print shop with my burned CD. i'll pick them up tomorrow. really excited. on the way home, there was a pile of broken or dismanlted bike parts just laying there. on the street. discarded and unattended. so naturally, alice and i scrounged up what matching parts we could grab in two trips and posted them up to fix them later. really exciting stuff. i can now be a bike friend. they're fixer-uppers for sure. relaxing, we invited imanuel over for a visit. he came and brought tim-tams. this is important later. we hung out talking and listening to music. conspiracy theories came up as a topic of conversation and how israeli's can't keep secrets so conspiracies, such as the rabin assassination, could not really exist. but the moon landing isn't real, we all agreed. i'll need to do more research on that. we made coffee and dug into the tim-tams. i started to dip mine in my coffee when i was reprimanded. i was eating them the wrong way. you're supposed to bite the caddy-corners off and suck the coffee through the hole on one end with the other hole in the hot liquid. basically, the end result is a perfectly melted chocolate melty good pile of chocolate goodness and hot coffee. its fucking the best thing i've ever put in my mouth ever in life. wow. i'm a changed woman. we had a little photo shoot for imanuel and his monstrous afro. really fantastic. then we showed him outside to see if he can help us with bikes (as well as help finding a place to live, not to mention bringing over 'heart of gold' neil young's concert DVD). he just about died laughing when he saw the bike parts we grabbed. but i know that we'll put them to good use. al and i watched nobody's fool after imanuel left. she fell asleep. for some reason, it made me really sad. i missed josh. or rather, i missed what it felt like to be so closely intimate with someone. it feels so far away now. after the movie was over, i logged online and saw him. so we chatted. and i feel better. i told him that only now am i dealing with the feelings stirred up by ending something so long term and serious. he knows how i feel. we had a good chat. i'm just really glad we're still such good friends. also, another good pal of mine reminded me about the nature of external systems of natural reactions and that being scared of what i'm doing is pretty unnecessary considering that animals don't get scared to observe other animals. unless said animal is a mouse observing a snake. or something like this... so thanks for that. and everything. buddies.

in other news, alice and i are going to be talking to birthright groups about ISC, which is exciting. we got the dates and locations today. in other other news, i'm sleepy. tomorrow is a new day. fuck man. yeah.

i'm proud of you,

sally

they tumble and fight and they're beautiful

2008-12-10T15:15:00.000-08:00

it's a lot. get buckled. i haven't had internet for days and days.

in the morning, we wake up and walk to sharet after coffee and toast. i'm the official morning coffee maker, i feel. after sharet, and deciding that we'd return there as opposed to going to teach english at nave yonatan, we ran home to make delicious sandwiches for lunch. we've been getting really into sandwich making lately, especially because they are so healthy. we finish our amazing food and walk to sharet, running into naama in the park on the way. she informs us that we're expected at nave yonatan so we shift directions and walk there instead, with enough extra time to sit in the park and talk for a bit.

we get to school with the rowdy ass 15 year old boys. they're very hard to teach, not at all attentive and at times downright unpleasant. but they are very interesting to communicate with. we had two new girls in the class that were pretty cute, trying to speak spanish with me, most of which i've completely forgotten since i've been learning hebrew. it's really sad that a girl from texas can forget the shit spanish in 4 months. but its funny that all the little girls know basic spanish from watching telenovellas. it's hilarious. my buddy rachael was even there. she seriously kicks so much ass in the kid department, even in the awesome person category. she yells at the boys when they're being idiots, kind of protecting us from their rudeness, which we can't understand in the first place, or rather pretend not to understand. anyway, i made drawings of people and faces for them to label in english so i felt like i did some good. al, on the other hand was struggling to keep the boys in the room without harassing her, so by the time class ended we were a little relieved, but it was, like i said, an interesting group.

after nave yonatan, we went to the park on the way to the daycare center to sit for a minute before visiting our final placement for the day. we get to the daycare center, and man, babies take a lot of energy. the one that i played with WOULD NOT smile. but at least i got her to stop crying. it really took every last microbe of power to keep this kid occupied. i honestly can't imagine having my own. but whatever i did, it must have worked, because she started crying when she saw me leaving. that was really sad. these kids must not get ANY attention. well, this daycare center actually exists for parents that do not know how to raise their kids, are either out of rehab or jail, etc. really sad stuff.

once we got home, i made peanut butter toast and watched end of groundhog day with alice. great fucking movie. i listened to some music, and started to write a song that sounds a little too much like motion picture soundtrack, but i sent it to josh (as usual) to get some feedback. he's always so supportive, telling me to just work on the lyrics and vocal melody and it'll be fine. i really just want to record shit. i don't care how it sounds. i like it better before it's polished anyway. it's cold and snowing in texas right now. i'm jealous. al and i started talking about death and i told her the story about ben and phil, which i won't elaborate on because it's very sad, but the craziest fucking story ever. she wanted to learn a song on guitar so i started to teach her rocky raccoon. she's getting better. i talked to mom a little bit, which was nice but i was distracted by this interview with friend and newly NY photographer josh maupin, who i have always admired for the fact that he's insane, which makes for interesting situations to photograph as well as the balls to go for the shot, no matter how ridiculous and obscene. i want those balls. i'm too fucking polite. but then i realized what i really need to do is make friends with who i want to photograph. there's a reason why portraits are powerful sometimes, and that's because the photographer gets to know the subject. somehow, whether its over years or hours, or minutes if you're lucky. or just that good. diane arbus got to know all of her subjects, so they did not feel exploited. which is my worst fear as a photographer. anyway, the power's been going out all week, so i went to bed...

on thursday, we woke up and went to the elderly center. went on a walk with the oldies, who are very fun. israel, my boyfriend, has the most amazing style ever. he's adorable. and i can even understand him a little with his sqeaky hebrew. found out that the israeli volunteer, guy, is in a band and that two of his favorites are radiohead and sigur ros. we bonded over that and exchanged music myspace pages. we may jam hopefully: www.myspace.com/weplayinabunker.

went home for lunch and worked on the song i just started until it was time for me to run to sharet to play soccer with al and the kids. we played with the boys that day. i'm terrified of little boys passing me the ball. i fucking suck. but i'm making al coach me so i can dazzle on the field. mostly myself, but them a little. i went home to take a shower and get ready to go to jerusalem for a little ISC trip thing. we all met at the house around 7 and walked to the bus station. al got a call from home and was visibly upset so we talked about what happened. for some reason, everyone was in a bad mood that night. buffy, jen, jade, eric. it was very strange. we finally got on a bus, after missing the one we were supposed to be on and running into one of the israeli volunteers from kadima. really sweet girl. once on the bus (standing room only), we made friends with a couple of israeli soldiers and a religious guy who's mom was from NY. we exchanged numbers so that we could meet the soldiers later for a barbeque, although we never did. but we DID go on a late-night museum tour in jerusalem, looking at very cool artifacts from the inception of the state of israel. the building (in which alice and i got lost of course---on purpose) was complete with a children's library, so al and i sat down and looked through some photo books. photojournalism is definitely where my heart lies. in portraiture. but it's a balance i'll have to discover on my own. being able to capture the emotion as well as retaining the technical aspects that i want, like colors, etc. i was so tired that i passed out on the sheruit home. but it was a good night. fucking freezing. home sleep.

the next morning, al and i slept in and watched this documentary called 'forgiving dr. mengele', about this woman who was a twin that was an unwilling subject in one of the horrific experiments conducted by dr. mengele during the holocaust and how she has decided to forgive the dr. and the nazi's as a way of freeing herself from the pain, but never forgetting. her stance was very controversial, as many holocaust survivors think it's blasphemous to forgive such a heinous travesty. but i think she's courageous, even setting up a holocaust museum in indiana, which was burned to the ground, only the be resurrected in another building. i admire that woman. we also watched another terribly sad, but really interesting documentary about mothers who've lost children and a 17 day retreat that they take to africa to escape pretending to be OK and volunteering with children. it's what i would want my mom to do, i think. it's called 'motherland'. alice and i walked to the post office to mail rayna's phone and met this artist on the way, yusef, who was painting a mural on a restaurant. i stopped to take a photo of him, we started talking. he let me know that the nearby shop owners did not like his work and were laughing at him. he also told me that he has a studio nearby, so i asked if we could come by to see his work sometime. he happily agreed. we ended up going to the shook for food, and grabbed a soccer ball on the way so we can practice so i can get better so i don't completely blow chow, as blake would say. on the way back, we ran into yusef, who was still painting and made plans to meet him at his studio (or on the corner by his studio) at noon the next day/right when we got home, zvi dropped by the camera for our day trip to rehovot and stayed for a cigarette and a chat. he has commissioned alli and i to create a sort of handbook for the next ISC group, as far as where to go, how, why, what to eat, where, etc... so we'll do that. later on in the evening, david finally comes over with his friend from germany, bianca. we all hung out and made food and ate treats and listened to music. i made delicious veggie pizza with avocados and al made challah with nutella and strawberries. we decided to make a nutella cookbook, complete with peanutbutter/honey/bananas/nutella. yum, says i. yuck, says al. while we were hanging out in our room, i started taking succession shots, and had ideas for a project, putting them all together... then i thought that i shoudn't take photos that i think others will like either. it's about me expressing myself, so whatever i like, i'll feel and do. that's how i should be about the music that i make also. i would love to just layer sounds and voices and tones and beats and weirdness. like coco rosie. it's so fucking weird, but infectious. we went to sleep kind of late, alice and david on the couch watching fashion TV. bianca in al's bed, me in mine.

yesterday, we woke up and had breakfast and hung out with david and bianca, then rescheduling our meeting with yusef for later in the day. only al and i were interested in going, so at around 3Pm we headed out to meet our new artist friend. we finally arrive at our corner, and are late. yusef told us he'd been waiting earlier and then again. we're assholes. anyway, so he walks us by the church and into the old city of ramla through the cobblestone streets to a rickity wooden door across some really cool tiles that he found in the garbage and restored for his walkway. he unbolts the lock ans opens the door, revealing his lair: it looks like a dungeon converted into a workroom/living space complete with stone arches and a little raised cot with paintings lining the walls and tim burton-esque bone sculptures inhabiting many of the flat surfaces not occupied by droves of art books. we step through the door and are greeted by a dinosaur-looking skeleton yusef says he made from found cow bones. we walk down the stone steps and into his place. he offers us coffee, but not until later, he says. now, this entire time, we are attempting to communicate through his terrible english and our terrible hebrew, but it seems to work for the most part. we spend the next hour or so look at all of his work. paintings and sculptures. he uses lots of found materials to create his work and his life, besides oil paints and canvas. satellite paintings, and bone sculptures. sketches on tiles and collages on torn up fake wood floors. surrealist and realist. he shows us a magazine for french edgy hairstyles, pointing to one in particular. he asks us where the hairstyle is from, noting the straight bit with the coiled bit on top. we have no idea, until he pulls out this bronze plate, engraved with egyptian women figures, one of which has the exact hairstyle as the one in the magazine. he notices alice's shirt, with a pale yellow stripe and compares that yellow to the color he uses in so many of his paintings. he likes this color, he says, because it is the color of sunflowers. he even invites us to come with him to the gallery that shows his work in tel aviv, but we must get back to david and bianca. before we leave, he shows us the photos of a school which he painted murals for in lod, and the students that fill in the outlines he draws. leat, leat ("slowly slowly"). so much trash that he turns into art. i really liked a lot of his work, but mainly i just fell in love with his lifestyle. he just lives to make art. sees it in everything. loves learning and reading about artists and their work. finds potential in every garbage can and trash heap. he lives modestly underground in this beautiful charming rugged little cave with his cat. and he's a little odd, but in a sweet, innocent way. not at all creepy. but he was very curious about what alice thought of his work. she even told him she didn't like one of the pieces he restored, and had painted over a rennassance profile of a girl. he told her that tomorrow, he'd work on it. he made us coffee, and we drank it before saying our goodbyes, promising to return another day. i'm fascinated by this man. it was one of my favorite things that's ever happened. truly magical and surprising.

on the way back, we decided to stop into the hummus place for dinner since we'd never been. david and bianca happened to be sitting, having just finished their meal. so we joined them and ate as well, before it started and then stopped raining, then walking home. we got home and relaxed, watching both darjeeling limited and human nature. we started out on alice's bed, but it started to break, finally completely giving way on one corner. so we switched beds. in between movies, i recorded two more guitar parts, and realizing that i'd forgotten how to play a few parts that i'd written longer ago. shittttt. we finished the movies and al and i start to work on the soundtrack to our project. 'somebody that i used to know' comes on and i get really very sad all of a sudden, and get the urge to call josh. and my dad. and sherri. so i call and leave a message for sherri, things i've been needing to say to express what she means to me. i call josh and leave a mildly sad message. i finally get dad and we have a nice conversation, in which i explained to him why i want to stay over seas for a while. i think he's confused by reading this blog and not hearing the reasons or updates from me, myself. but it was really nice to have a meaningful chat with him about life stuff, about him coming here, etc. also, we had a little giggle about some family joke and couldn't even stop laughing for a minute. i'm proud of you dad. we said goodbye and al and i worked some more on our project before retiring to our own beds. i checked facebook, on which i found out that my college roomate, cheech, is a miss japan finalist, which is fucking awesome, considering she'd only asked me to shoot her application shots 1 week before i left to come here. i'm so proud of her. we settle in, say goodnight, and go to bed.

today was our rehovot trip, which is a suburb on the way to tel aviv from ramla. we had to kick david and bianca out this morning, so we said our goodbyes and we hopped on a sheruit to rehovot. first, we got to the weizman institute of technology, which is named after the first president of israel and is responsible for advances in drug development to treat cancer and MS. also, the president's house is on the campus, which was amazing. i took a lot of weird, cool photos of his stuff. later, we went to this 'science place' type garden with a bunch of musical, sound, light, water, motion gadgets that you can play with all around the garden. we had fun with that today. afterwards, we ate lunch. i stuffed myself with veggies. afterwards, we walked a bit through rehovot, with our tour guide (menash who might be my brother's tour guide--he's good). he showed us the millionaire houses (old and dilapidated, but gorgeous... my fave was this one with red shutters and doors) and an herb garden in the middle. we then drove to a kibbutz which was the site of an underground bullet factory, started by the israeli secret defense forces (called the 'hagana', during the war, now the israeli defense force). they had to secretly produce ammunition for the israeli fighters. really fucked up, but very cool place. secret dors in laundry rooms and bakeries. sure is neat and convert. very brave. anyway, all day long, al and i were listening to songs and thinking of ideas for our project. i'm really excited about it. but we have a shitload of work to do. we'll get it done. i know it.

we made pizza and guacamole for dinner, then i wrote (filled in a template) a thank you letter to the donors from the jewish federation from dallas at naama's request. we just finished watching 'inside deep throayt, which brings up a lot of interesting points about human rights and sex. i love dr. ruth westheimer. i do know that. then i ended up reading a friend' blog including 10 possible role models for a girl that's not paris hilton. now, on this list is susan sontag, who i didn't know about. but she is fascinating and smart and was in love with annie lebovitz, who i'd love to be. i hope i can take portraits like her one day. but i'm getting really tired now. FINALLY finished this shit. let's hope my fucking internet doesn't die on me. love love love you guys.

love,

sally

we won't grow up like weeds, when the moon tells us when to grow

2008-12-09T16:25:00.000-08:00

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK we slept through my alarm AGAIN today. but luckily jade called us in time to at least get to ulpan at some reasonably respectable time. we learned some things. like the past tense of a certain kind of verb. say what you will about english being a difficult language, but at least the verb conjugations are easy. shit. after ulpan, our teacher michal drove us all to the supermarket so al and i could get sandwich stuff before walking home. i'm so fucking excited to have food in the house that when we got home i made the best sandwich ever: yellow peppers, tomatoes, sprouts, lettuce, mushrooms, melted smoked gouda, and a little schmear of hummus all on a whole grain bagel with sunflower seeds in it. i was beside myself. we even bought little werther's candies. those shits is good. after i ate my delicious sandwich, i hung out with alli and we watched orange county and took ridiculous photos on her computer as it started to pour outside. we didn't have much to work on at our volunteer placement today, so we stayed home. we really need to figure out how to extract the video we've shot from the oranim camera.

since the best thing to do EVER when it is raining is take a nap, that's exactly what i did. well, after looking up 'how to write a screenplay'. pretty helpful starter tips. too bad i have no fucking clue what i'm doing. we'll just work really hard. that's all. well, about 5 hours later, i woke up and made myself another sandwich and plopped down with alli to watch the end of 'the family stone' which always makes me think of josh and his family. once it was over, i wrote a list of things that i miss about home, especially this time of year. i know i miss things and i'm terribly homesick, but i also know that anything worth doing, anything potentially important must be persevered through during difficult times. and i'm just glad that it's nothing that too painful. it just aches a little. i can handle that. but i am VERY excited to see my dad (and his new iphone, ha), joan, and eddie. seeing my mom was great, so it'll be nice to relive that feeling of familiarity. plus, we're going to petra and jordan. WOOOOOOOOO. video chatted with very good old friend john-laurent tonight. man i love that guy.

tomorrow is sharet. i love going there to volunteer with those kids, so it shouldn't be hard to wake up. then we go to the flea market to see if we can find our stuff. probably won't, but it's worth a gander. plus, i can't get a new retainer without being home, so everyone hope that my teeth don't shift. or some shit. oh well :(. my teddy bear will just keep me company.

goodnight,

love,

sally

and every night has its price

2008-12-08T15:16:00.000-08:00

so fast forward about 2 hours and alli finally woke up. we made macaroni and cheese rapid-style before walking to kadima. we kissed and made up. we were both just grumpy i think. we got to kadima and said hi to everyone we saw, although we were later than usual, so the kids were all in class. sivan saw us and asked us to check on michael, who had fled the building and was apparently upset. she also asked us to take the kids outside to play since they were short on israeli volunteers today. so we did. we shared the court with kids from the outside. i was banished to the goal by the girls, since i suck so badly. this coming from 9 and 10 year old girls. that MEANS something, ok? we played pretty well. i am constantly amazed by how good alli is at soccer. she was kicking the shit out of EVERYONE, and wasn't even giving it all she had. we brought the kids inside for a snack and hung out with them. i'm really getting in with these kids. really playing with them. i don't know what the hell i'm doing, but i don't think it matters. just having fun and learning how to play. we all ran to the back to grab a snack, which happened to be plain yogurt, enhanced apparently by cocoa puffs mixed in. one of the kids insisted that i spread this concoction on a cracker, which i happily tried. they were laughing, but i turned to al and said, "i know they're playing a joke on me but this shit is good." we started cracking up, which cracked up the kids, and then we were all a mess. the cracker kid then put pepper in my yogurt and i couldn't really eat it after that. but the joke was on them. i eat weird shit. ain't no thing. anyway, al and i went to gadi's for a falafel from kadima since we are so hungry and poor. how poor might you ask? well, so poor that as of tonight we owe gadi for two whole falafels. what's even funnier is the fact that we go to this place so often that it's not even a big deal that we pay later. very fucked. so we ate well and came home. i downloaded 40 year old virgin, and we watched it. after it was over, al and i both looked at each other and decided that we wanted to work on a fun movie set. how would we do this, i asked. well, we'll write our own movie of course! so that is what we did tonight. i won't tell you what it's about yet. but the beginning stages are going very well. i'm excited. but i'm also really fucking tired. oh, and i talked to gammy which is awesome. i miss her. even though she keeps trying t get me to say tht i'll be home for my birthday which i definitely won't be. although, al and i are making plans to camp on the beach for the occasion. we'll make s'mores. yeahhhhh. so goodnight. ulpan tomorrow. love love love.

love,

sally

worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends

2008-12-08T00:50:00.000-08:00

after i last wrote, jono, al, and i walked to sharet to play soccer with the littler boys. i really suck at soccer, but i kept going for the ball anyway. it was hot. i was sweaty. and sucking. after soccer, i started walking to nave yonatan for my photography class, but realized i had plenty of time so i walked back to meander with al and jono until it was time for me to leave. took photos of this shoe repairman that works out of the back of his van. then walekd to nave yonatan with my camera in hand, asking people if i could take photos of them. not many 'yes' responses. it's scary to ask. i would rather take candids but i always remember what a man in the jerusalem market said to me when i was sneaking photos in the shook. he said, "don't steal photos'", which really struck me for reason. but its these decisions that i must make as a photographer. that, and i really need to work on my composition. i feel like i'm not really doing anything interesting at all, besides the subject matter. anyway, i took some cool stuff on the way to the school, only finding out upon arrival that i need to schedule the class on a different day because the girls want a bigger class. so i walked home instead, taking more photos on the way.

got home and showered before heading off to meet naama and peeps at the apartment so we could all walk together to this pro co-existence event being held in ramla, featuring an israeli and then a palestinian hip-hop group. once we got there, we sat through a bunch of speeches in hebrew and then the israeli hip-hop guy. he was actually pretty good, even though we couldn't understand him. would have been nice to know. but al and i left early so we could get to the open mic night at the sub kuch in time for me to play. we picked up jono at the house and caught a sheruit on the street, jono telling us about the time he had snake in china.

we arrived at the sub kuch in plenty of time, just sticking our heads into the gallery to see what time everything was starting before retreating to daniel's room to play guitar and hang out. went down to the bar right before, and tomer dedicated 'mercedes benz' to me, plopping a tiny toy benz in front of me. after watching a few others, eventually it was time for me to play, so taking some inspiration from earlier, i belted as best i could, 'mercedes benz', just rapping on the guitar. no chords, just percussion and vocals. everyone clapped along. had some accompanying singers. it was great. then i played 'i will be there when you die' and 'history of fiction'. i finished, and al and jono gave me nice feedback. so did a few other people. some guy from brooklyn said i reminded him of regina spektor. nice compliment. then we went back downstairs to the bar for a bit before it was time to leave. daniel cleared up an embarrassing non-misunderstanding misunderstanding. it was really sweet. that guy is amazing. we went back up to his room to hang out a little bit more before we said goodbye and he told us about his new company where he delivers food from all surrounding restaurants on bikes. al signed us both up to do it, but i don't know if it was the night or the beer or not eating. so we'll see. anyway, i tried to round us up the best i could, paying and saying our goodbyes. but al couldn't make it to the sheruit station and we are too broke to take a cab, so we waited. i was a little bit frustrated, as i wanted to go home and sleep before we volunteered. but it made the most sense given the circumstances. so she passed out on the couch, and i went outside for some air. two guys were sitting outside talking about their ex-relationships that had coincidentally just ended that day. both of them. talking about what went wrong. why. how. i shared some of my own personal experiences when prompted. then i was approached by some of the guys that heard me play. one played for me and asked me a bunch of intense questions. one told me i have a style that reminds him of all the famous female vocalists. that one felt pretty good. the intense guy was a little too intense for my mood (inviting me to play sometime or go camping with him, which reminded me of some weirdness from home), so i went inside to check on alice (i.e. escape). i tried to lay down on the couch and fall asleep. i opened my eyes very briefly just in time to see intense guy walk in, see me sleeping, and very quickly turn around to leave. i felt kind of badly about that one. but it just wasn't the time. i did it to myself. i admit i was curious about the guy, he looks like thurston moore.

anyway, daniel came down and saw us sleeping after he had earlier asked us if we needed to crash in his room. he laughed and asked why we were so funny. he set up a mattress for me on his floor and i woke alice up to tell her i was sleeping there. i passed out after many thank yous and woke up to al banging on the door at 5:30AM. we walked downstairs to leave, saying hi to david who had just began his shift. big warm hugs all around, then a cold walk to the sheruit station. we talked about the night before and i was still not super excited about it, grabbing some food and water on the way. but we caught the sheruit and got home in enough time climb through the window, since i've lost my keys, pass out, and sleep through both our alarms. naama woke us up later, upset, asking us if we wanted to try to still go to the greenhouse project. it didn't work out so we just talked in the kitchen as i did dishes and made myself peanut butter toast. she told me that after we left the co-existence event, the palestinian hip-hop artist got really controversial, talking about how the jews stole his land (all in arabic of course), to which naama became defensive, albeit very articulately. she knows the issue well, more than most people, and is of course biased. but at least she puts forth more educated and well stated arguments than pretty much everyone i've spoken to on the subject. she had to leave, so we said goodbye. now i've just been sitting here, writing and thinking a lot. looking up volunteer programs in india and africa. feeling kind of lost in a safe way. confused and a little homesick, as always. thinking about people at home and being here and what's next. reading all my old blogs and feeling sweet and sad and happy. so many amazing people. i'm actually proud of myself and all the things i've written. a lot of it seems to progress in circles, but i'm really glad i took the time to document everything i feel and think and silly things and wonderful things. i'm emailing them all to myself so i never lose them. writing is good for me. maybe it's my outlet. hmmmm. and also thinking about starting a business that incorporates photography and volunteering. somehow. i don't know. later we have kadima. so that'll be nice. i'm just looking forward to laying low tonight. maybe watching a movie. taking a shower. buying a toothbrush. finding out about my retainer. funny how losing a piece of plastic can dismantle any semblance of a nighttime routine. hmm. ok. good morning.

love,

sally

rape me my friend

2008-12-06T11:56:00.000-08:00

so the other night after writing, we spent our evening making blueberry pancakes for buffy's birthday breakfast-for-dinner dinner and preparing our moustaches and beards for the party. we didn't really have much to work with because we had slacked off considerably in the moustache purchasing department. so we used yarn, at rayna's brlliant suggestion. after taing some cues from her, i impressed myself with yarn-work, creating a pretty sweet moustache/beard combo that i could tie behind my head. after dinner, we all showered and got bearded up. alice and i decided to go as men, giving each other alter-personas. i was morty. she was sheldon. that's how it went. now as you can imagine, ramla isn't used to a whole group of women walking down the street wearing yarn facial hair. we got some interested looks and questions walking to the sheruit, especially carrying all of rayna's luggage. we even walked by a sandwich shop in which one of the kids we volunteer with, worked. he looked just the most confused i've ever seen someone. while waiting in the sheruit, there were three spots and all of a sudden, jade, jen, and buffy happen to jump on. it was really sweet, all of us on the same one. we finally got to the sub kuch, while jen, lade, and buff went to a movie. we got millions of weird looks, but i wore my bear-stache proudly. we had a few beers, saw some friends, inbal showed up looking great, met some new people that play music, took some photos, and drew some moustaches on people who were lacking them. it was a good night. i got the hiccups, went for a walk with roni. walked to ben-el's place with al and david for a while and discussed some weird drug that i've never heard of: hagigat. went back to the sub kuch. al and i split up for the evening and i stayed at the sub kuch hanging with eran, daniel, jono, and david, finally falling asleep on the couch.

i woke up the next morning refreshed. read the newspaper with david and jono and ate some yummy buffet before walking with david over to his and nufar's place on levinsky. man, their place is beautiful and HUGE. they have this little enclosed balcony room with sliding window shades. we watched fashion tv because david is obsessed with it. jono stopped by and we all just watched tv before nufar came home. she dropped in with an actor friend of hers. i'll just refer to him as 'the most beautiful man i've ever seen'. i've never seen nufar act, so she put on a short film she's in, in which she plays a religious girl who's a lesbian, and in love with a married religious woman. it was really good, kinda funny. i finally talked to alli and she was hanging out with lior and roni at our house so i said my goodbyes to david, jono, and nufar before heading out the door. 'most beautiful man i have ever seen' offered me a ride to the central bus station on his motorcycle thingy. yes i said motorcycle thingy. i've never really ridden on a motorcycle save for the instance with my neighbor's friend who didn't know how to ride the thing and we almost just tumped over in this field. but that's neither here nor there. he passed me a helment and i climbed on. i asked him if i could hold on. he said yes. so i lived out my grease 2 fantasy on this guy. he drove fast. i pretended not to be scared. it was really fun. i held on tighter and he dropped me off. i gave him a hug and nearly knocked his bike over, then almost ran off with his helmet. man i am smooth.

finally got back home after almost suffering a clostrophobia attack in the sheruit, sitting stuck in a corner next to this HUGE guy. spent some fun time hanging out with lior and roni, talking about and looking up photos of s'mores. also, lior told me that their studio is almost done being built so i can come and record one of my songs there. i'm excited as shit about that. we played some music and laughed about stuff. after roni and lior left, sort of short notice, orna picked alice and i up for dinner at the house with eran. she told us about her trip to romania for a screening. once we got there, we ate her amazing tomato soup and broccoli. we spent the rest of the evening hanging out with yarden and eran, checking out their facebooks, and orna showed us photos of her and elan's halloween costume. i've never seen a funnier man in a wedding dress and red lipstick. also, yarden showed us photos of when she dressed eran up as a girl. priceless stuff. for dessert, orna melted chocolate and cut up fruit. we ate that. chocolate fondue. just sayin. well we said goodbye to elan and yarden so orna and eran could take us home. said goodbye to orna and eran at home, then we went inside to get ready for the nature party that lior and roni were supposed to pick us up for at 11PM. we had about 10 minutes to get ready. or so we thought. we thought carefully about what to bring and packed everything up. well after a few phone calls, and a nap on my part, 2:30Am rolls around and the boys finally show up. nature parties start around 2 or 3 in the morning apparently, so it was not out of the ordinary that they picked us up at this time. plus, the party wasn't far away, so we got there in no time. the theme was a jungle party, so if we brought an animal, we got in for reduced price. we forgot, but brought the DJ, so we still got in for less. we parked the car, grabbed our backpacks and walked down a dirt road following the trance beats. the music was playing for a couple of hours when the cops came. apparently you can't play loud trance music in the desert until 7AM, so we had to wait until sunrise. no complaints here. we just took a walk and watched the sun come up. the colors were insane. we found a kind of shelter/grape growing cage and stood there until the music came back on. we walked back and danced and played guitar and danced some more. met some nice people.

then, we took another walk. we found this amazing field. walked around the gate to get to the field. it was an orchard. i've never seen anything like this. it was just rows and rows and rows of perfectly line trees with green and yellow leave as far as the eye could see. i just remember this feeling of being completely overwhelmed with beauty being among these trees. we just kept walking and walking and more trees and more trees. perfectly lined. each way you turned. it was just gorgeous. anyway we walked to the end of the orchard, to this lookout point that spanned the entire agricultural development ahead. really amazing view. so naturally, i climbed the rock on the overlook point to take a photo. once i was done i felt myself slipping backwards but luckily grabbed onto some branches to keep from falling over. i yelled to alli that she just missed me narrowly avoiding eating shit. i reenacted my daring escape from death. i had just finished and was climbing down, chuckling to myself, while sitting on the lower rock, when i felt myself start to slide backwards. i'm sure all i could do was make a noise as i fell off the rock backwards, my legs flailing in the air as i slid into a thornbush. all i could do was piss myself laughing as i laid there for a second and struggled to get up. when i finally raised my body covered with thorns and all in my hair, lior was laying on the ground laughing and alli had run off somewhere because she couldn't take it anymore and peed her pants. she couldn't even hold it. hadar just took a photo of me laying helpless on the ground. i got a bruise.

we walked back through a field to sit somewhere. we all laid down and passed out, warmed by the sun. we woke up a few hours later and got ready to go. alli and i looked for our backpacks, which we had stowed by a tree near the party. they were nowhere to be found. we asked around, but to no avail. our backpacks got stolen. in mine were my blanket that i'd bought from the jerusalem shook, my man man shirt, my socks that i'd bought at the flea market. my retainer, the charger to the video camera, and a couple of CF cards for my camera. also my phone. total fucking bummer. the pizza guy gave us a mini for free. then we walked down the road to see if the thieves had realized there was nothing of value in the bags and ditched them. no luck. roni picked us up on the road and took us home. the guys felt really upset that our shit got jacked. mainly because no one steals at nature parties apparently. well, they did this time. it was our own fault, but it just really feels like i got raped. alli just laughed about it. we'll probably see our shit at a flea market somewhere.

we got home and almost immediately passed out until about 8PM. i woke up and called my dad to see if i could get a new retainer sent to me. i have to call my orthodontist, but he reckons it won't do any good. i need a new toothbrush and toothpaste too. too bad i'm broke. fuck. called naama to see about getting a new phone. she just laughed. we need to get a new camera charger too. buffy and jen walked in as i was making some macaroni and cheese for al and i. we hung out and watched lucky number slevin. or the end of it. not a bad movie. rayna made a video of all the ISC people and it made me realize how special everything is that we're donig here. sometimes i forget. we retreated back to our room to watch darjeeling limited. i really could watch that movie over and over. we passed out once it was over after i made some significant progress on this here blog. art conspiracy was last night. i hope it went well. it makes me remember last year and how cold and beautiful it was. how everyone i knew at that time was wonderful and creative and amazing and how thankful i am that i still know them. man. if i could be home. i was asked by a very talented photographer to do the photo booth this year. i had to regretfully turn her down. next year.

this morning we woke up and felt bad so we didn't go to ulpan. i don't think we'll have it much longer. it's become more of a hassle than a privelage and that's a shame. it's my own fault. i'm an asshole. kinda. made some toast and jono came to surprise us. i took a walk with him and my coffee cup. came back and hung out with al and jen, watching the end of point break. that's my favorite part. and the only part i've ever seen. that wave man. righteous. just kidding. anyway, i teach more photography today and i'll play soccer with al and the kids. too bad i can't brush my teeth. ha. talk soon.

love,

sally

and everybody hurts sometimes

2008-12-03T02:44:00.001-08:00

yesterday was a really good day. we went to ulpan and learned the past tense of certain verbs. i think my hebrew is rudimentary at best, but i practice all the time, so i think its coming along. after ulpan, al and i walked home to chill out before going to the tv station to start editing the segment that we've been taping for the tv show.

goddamnit i just deleted everything i wrote. that's what i get for falling asleep while typing...

SO BASICALLY,

we played with the film, splitting it into clips. we left and i walked home to get ready, while alice went to kadima for her soccer thing. i showered and got a visit from imanuel, really cool guy. showed him some stuff oh photoshop and my online flickr portfolio. it was nice to hear some encouraging words from him. al got home, we got ready in great spirits and walked to the sheruit station to grab a way to tel aviv to see our natanya friends' band (zelohashuv-- which means, appropriately, 'its not important'). saw jen standing outside the piercing place on the way, where she had just gotten her nose peirced and eric was now getting a gnarly tattoo. we said hi and continued on. listened to antony and the johnsons on my ipod. alice really liked them. it put us in a beautiful mood. we walked to the bloom bar in record time, because al found a shortcut. we said hi to everyone, just as excited as we could be, drinking our guinnesses and laughing and talking. our boys went on and i was simply beaming. so happy to see live music, especially theirs, since we've been spending so much time with them behind the scenes so to speak. lior even broke a string, but gingy eased the progression with some killer face percussing. alice and i filmed and took photos, which i'm sure they were happy about. it was a wonderful show. afterwards, we helped the boys with their gear and had a little filming sesh on king george. then we booked it to the sub kuch to hang out. basically all we did was play guitar and chill out in daniel's room, but it was lovely. i learned a couple of songs on the guitar. unfortunately, or fortunately, we missed the sheruit at 3 so we had to wait until 5 to go home. it was worth it. once we got to the sheruit, there was a really creepy, sketchy guy with a giant suitcase. after a scare in tel aviv this morning, al got really creeped out, so we took a cab instead. i realize this is cryptic, but i have reasons. i had tried to explain the man to the security guard at the bus station, but he didn't speak english. i hope everything is ok.

we got home at 6:30AM, passed out for an hour and woke up to teach at sharet. i was completely devastated. basically sleeping with my eyes open. but we had a really great day at all of our volunteer placements. we played pictionary and read stories with the kids at sharet. i'm really enjoying being there. i feel like we actually help. i went with al to teach english at nave yonatan. the kids there didn't really give a shit, and one kept hitting on us. kind of a shithead, but we deflected his advances with grace. rachael was there, and i had my ipod, so i thought that since she shared her westlife with me, i'd share my own music with her. she didn't really seem to like it, and told me so. the best criticism is the honest kind. we settled on michael jackson instead. anyway, after that, we were scheduled for this daycare center for children whose parents don't know how to raise them. when we walked in, it was very sad. i could feel it. but i sat down and played with the kids. i fed one and kept trying to communicate with my eyes and limited hebrew. i thought it was going pretty well, after the first moment i sat down and one kid just started bawling at me and ran away and proceeded to keep crying until he got used to me. once it was almost time to leave, al walked in and immediately started playing with the kids. she lit up the entire room and made them all smile. they gravitated towards her. and in that moment, instead of being jealous that i couldn't do that, i realized that i'm here to learn. i may be the wrongest person that's ever lived, but i can learn from her. and i do, everyday.

we came back home and hung out with peeps before chilling back in each others' beds, just talking about why we're here. why its right and why its different. we both feel differently about our reasons, partially because we're in two stages of life. i've already done the college thing and she's just beginning with all those expecations on her. i'm exploring and she's trying to find herself and her interests. i realized that i'm still not in my comfort zone, which is why i keep feeling the pull of home and comfortable places and people. but i'm glad. because that means i'm stll pushing myself to experience things and create. we wrote improv collaborative poetry that we'll turn into music. then we went to bed.

this morning, we slept through the elderly center, which sucks. we needed sleep, i guess. upon waing, i checked my facebook and there was a link posted on my page from my very good friend and amazing artist andrew tolentino. it was an interview that he gave to the KERA blog about art conspiracy and his art. in it, he named some of his personal art conspirators. he named somebody's darling, halcyon night, cara, and corey. he also named me. i was so happy that i called him even though it's 3 AM in dallas. we had a lovely conversation. i don't know what i did to deserve someone so encouraging that believes in what i'm doing so much, but whatever it is makes me feel like a better person. afterwards, alice and i picked outfits for the party tonight and went to sharet to play soccer. we worked mostly with the girls donig drills. i learned how to pass better, shoot better, etc. afterwards, al and i parted ways and i walked home on shuffle. bob dylan sure is good. he reminds me of keegan, or vice versa. bill frisell is pretty great too.

anyway, on the walk home i saw this old couple standing outside their house, under their amazing tree. i wanted to take their photo the other day, but i didn't. today, i just caught the man's eye and made a motion like, "can i take your photo?" i didn't really see his answer but once i finally untangled my camera from my bag, he and his wife were posed and ready. i shot a few and then went over to speak with them. i forgot the woman's name, but the man is named chaim. she spoke with me for a while once i told her what i was donig here. she explained to me that she taught people from all over the world. she was alive during the holocaust. her languages come from her heart, she says. and that her goal is for me to never see the things her eyes have seen, that she still sees when she closes her eyes at night. things she knew when she was "under the earth", during hitler's time. she was very sweet. i think i'll visit her again.

later, i'll go with naama to attempt to get sponsorships from studios to print the photos that the kids take so that i can show them. apparently the photo class i did was such a hit, that they are making another time that i can come and teach. some girls even cried because they couldn't do it. andrew gave me some ideas about what to teach them. about cropping, and stuff. or something. i also just got done reading the dalphos blog, which consists of brian harkin, brandom thibodeaux, allison v. smith, and matt nager, four amazing photographer friends of mine from dallas. just really inspiring. they are currently working as photojournalists. seeing their work makes me gravitate towards becoming that. so good.

so now, i'll chill out and work on photos and maybe practice guitar a little before going with naama. then, moustache development. then, buffy's birthday breakfast-for-dinner dinner. then MOUSTACHE PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY> woo.

love,

sally

i'm black. and i'm white. and i'm black and i'm white, yeah yeah yeah

2008-11-30T13:27:00.000-08:00

woke up late, then met david at the sub kuch. hung out with daniel in his room for a while before walking for what seemed like foreeeeeeeever to the flea market in yaffo. it was a very windy day. blowing in my face, my hair away from my eyes. we found the flea market and found lots of cool stuff, some of it even for free. also, remember the guy that yelled at me and tore my photos for making a face at 5 sheckels? well, firstly he asked me a question in hebrew and didn't even recognize me. secondly, david grimaced himself at some high price and the guy totally shoved him and yelled at him also. david wasn't phased at all. that, coupled with the fact that the guy seemed to yell at everyone and is just mad at life in general made me feel better. after getting alot of really great stuff, then finding a sweet suitcase in a tiny alley, we walked all the way back to the sub kuch. ate a really yummy dinner there and met up with eran and lior, plus a new guy (daniel) that picked al and i up and drove us (with dog in my lap---'sichor', also named 'tina' by alice and i) to their place right off the beach near natanya. its the most beautiful place, from which we took a beautiful walk to the cliff which overlooks the water. it was chilly but gorgeous. i was comfortable in a sweater (from the flea market) and jeans. i took a lot of really cool photos. got some nice compliments from daniel, saying he liked the way i see the world. this guy is really cool also, a composer that lives and studies on a kibbutz near the south. he invited us to come visit, so i think we will on the way to visit adva in eilat. most of the night we just played song after song, all alternating bass, guitar, and african drum. it was just amazing. i completely zoned out, just figuring out bass lines and singing harmonies. that's my favorite thing i've done since i've been here i think. we walked back out to the cliff before having a bit of veggie dinner at the apartment downstairs near the back. after dinner, we all talked and played more music, laughing and joking. lior made up some ridiculous songs about michael jackson the lyrics of which are in the title of this blog. lior had a eran and daniel ask alice and i questions about love and things. daniel asked me the last time i had my heart broken. the first thing i thought was when my parents got divorced. and after he found out that i wrote music, he asked me to play my favorite song that i've written. so i played 'history of ficton'. i think it went pretty well. we talked a little more before pairing up in beds... i love coming here. all the people are so funny and sweet and talented. it's really great.

the next morning, we woke up and hung out, walking to the cliff, just alice, eran, and i. i told eran how much i liked coming out here and how much alli and i both just genuinely enjoyed all of he and his friends and we just love it. he agreed. i felt really at peace watching the water. just sat there for a second. daniel and lior came and brought the dogs. afterwards, eran walekd al and i to show us the fallout shelter that theyare in the process of converting into a studio/practice space. so fucking cool. they're soundproofing and stuff. really amazing. we walked back to the house and played more music before walking to the cliff at sunset. got some beautiful photos. watched a really stupid movie called 'discworld' or something about an alien world on the back of a turtle. anyway, got really bored with that. daniel said goodbye and we got his number. he's a joke. wow. but for some reason i'd gotten shy and forgot how to talk to people. but i don't know what happened. it's one of my strengths. weird. batted a ball around with our hands for a while before eating some delicious yam soup with cream, crackers, and bread that gingy's girlfriend made. really yummy. lior made up a quiz game for alice and i to learn hebrew. there were buzzers. alice won by reading the word for 'chicken'. oh well. we all went back upstairs and lior taught alice and i a song in hebrew. it goes like so:

ve he morida oti al aberkaim sheli
ci lo amarti la clum
ma od efshar kvar le hagid
lalalalalalala

i want to learn the rest. really cool. we were all suppose to walk to the nearby hotel so we could check out the view, but while we were waiting, we started to play soccer with a flattened bottle cap on the side street. i was wearing ballet flats. as i went to kick the cap, i felt my foot begin to slide on the smooth cement and i knew i was going down. i just landed on my elbow and immediately almost peed myself laughing. i wasn't the only one either, all three of the others were dying laughing as well. we ended up waiting forever, so we just walked back to the house and watched a live arctic monkeys dvd. boys are really weird. roni was there. sweet guy, but wow... i ran away to another room with alice, who saved me. got my back tickled and passed out after lots of laughing and talking.

we wake up late (to a yelling lior and a confused eran) and miss ulpan, have coffee and cookies with eran and he walks us to the sheruit station to natanya. about 3 sheruits later (and an annoyed phone call from naama because we missed ulpan), we make it back to ramla just in time for my photography class. i pick up the cameras, and a book. alli decides to come with me, so to save time we catch a cab to nave yonatan (school). i meet dana, who introduces me to the girls. i get the all in the classroom. all sweet girls by the way, very lively. i start by trying to get them all to pick a photo in the one book (i need more books) that they either like or dislike and tell me why. about half or more actually did this. the one that sticks out in my mind is the girl that liked the photo of the hindenburg blowing up. she thought it looked cool and beautiful. i liked that. then i gave out cameras and the kids got to just go ape shit with them mostly taking photos of each other and this one girl who was essentially a little model, attention-fiend. but rightfully so, she's adorable. so i feel it went very well and dana told me that the girls loved the class and can't wait to come again next week. i want to print out some of their photos to show them what they did. maybe a mini-critique.

after teaching, alice and i got some pizza from boaz pizza by the apartment, then stopped by to see the roomates there. watched some TV, chilled out a bit, then walked back to the house to hang out before bed. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i was here by myself. not as much fun? would i be better friends with people? am i co-dependent on this one? or do we just really get along well? who knows... watched darjeeling limited with al. its amazing how much wes anderson pays attention to the tiniest details. makes for great movies. al and i talked about love, and the difference between self-love and being selfish. i will strive to be less selfish. it made me think about josh and how i don't know if i'll ever be that close to someone again. i talked to jo about what she does when she feels bad and she gave me some good advice. then i went to bed.

woke up early for the volcani center today, and hung with rachael on the bus. we talked about westlide of course. she's a really great girl. probably my fave. really funny. we teach each other words. its great. we spent all day pulling weeds, raking, talking with the kids and filming them. i allowed a couple of the kids to take photos with my camera. i just showed them basic things on the camera, like shutter speed and how it makes the photo bright or dark. and the focus button. and they did the rest. really paid attention to what they were doing. and i wondered if they will maybe take this idea of a skill and developing it after being introduced for the first time today. that'd be really great. i think my whole time would be worth it here if that happened with even one kid.

came home and hung out for a while. made mac and cheese, waiting for a meeting with zvi and naama about some drama that is going on with the program and some people that are leaving early. basically he wanted to know what we thought could improve about the program so that we are all on the same page. some people complained that they didn't like kadima because the kids don't like them and they feel useless there. alli and i both spoke up because of what sivan said to us the other day about our simple presence there making a difference. so i expressed that we make more of an impact than we know, and it may seem like these kids don't like us and that can be scary, but they're used to terrible circumstances and the fact that we are adults that don't treat them like shit, matters to them. i actually got kind of emotional talking about this, and my voice was shaking. so i think the point was well received. anyway, we finished the meeting and all hung out together. i asked naama where i could print the kids' photos... gave jade some photos i took from the nature party, then chilled with alon and alice. called marissa and talked to my mom. gammy's infection is going away thankfully and she keeps asking mom when i'm coming home, to which my mom has no response, to which gammy becomes indignant about me coming home, to which i don't know what the fuck to do. now i'm going to sleep. we have ulpan tomorrow and the tv station. i can't wait to edit the footage that we got the other day. then, at night, eran's band is playing in tel aviv. it's going to be great. THEN! moustache party on thursday. so fucking sweet. goodnight.

love,

sally

his goal in life was to be an echo

2008-11-27T07:21:00.000-08:00

o mashu cazeh (or something like this). i'll start with the important stuff, and fill in the backwards backwards. got it?

so the biggest thing that happened yesterday was that my mom left to go back to the states. or last night actually. i thought i might cry because i don't know when i'll see her again. and in truth it was really nice to have her here, all aggravations and annoyances included. even the embarrassing stuff carried a nostalgic tinge to it. i was proud of her. wanted to show her off. after finally getting her in a cab, laughing through it, we got to the airport with 15 minutes to say goodbye. i stood with her in the airport line and after a few minor power struggles and more laughs i finally had to leave her. we hugged, and i told her that i had grown a new appreciation for her and that she was much cooler than i thought. this seemed to have taken her aback just a bit. it was lovely. she of course told me how proud she is of me and that i should call lisette to discuss my africa plans because lisette always gives me good advice. which is true. so we hugged a whole lot and kissed and i wished her a safe flight and to call me once she lands in jersey and again once she gets home. i will miss her. she's a great lady and i'm proud to have sprung from her uterus. k, moving on...

so the last time i left you, mom and i hopped in a sheruit to tel aviv and then another to get to her hotel from the central station. when we got on, there was only one other guy and he happened to be from alabama (made alliyah for a girl, she dumped him now he may be moving to florida with another one). then 5 guys (one basketball coach and 4 dancers/djs that just got back from dubai) from new york hopped on (the driver tried to greet them with a hearty "what's up my nigga?". that did NOT go over well. caused a lot of tension at first.) then, another guy that i didn't notice before whom i assumed was ethiopian was a really tall tenor saxophone player that has been in israel for 30 years. it was a cool time. i want to make a short film bout that sheruit ride. anyway, mom and i got back to her hotel and i crashed and burned.

the next morning we got picked up for our tour. i did realize something interesting, i asked mom if she wanted to read my book and she said that she only wanted to read something 'light'. i realized that i am not exactly like her and that i am my own person. we are very similar in lots of ways, but lalala. i was pretty grumpy for the first part of the day, but i got some cool photos at the places we saw and we met a really nice friendly british couple. so i warmed up a bit. we went to a lookout point, drove past some really cool churches that i'd never seen, went to the old city and the shuk, went through the muslim and christian quarters of the old city which was sweet since i'd never been. the church of the holy sepulcre is amazing. got some cool pictures there too. i'm proud of myself. i'm getting stronger. plus, we ate hummus. then mom and i sipped out on the rest of the tour to meet her cousin, rusty, and his daughter and granddaughter. my relatives too obviously. so we went to this amazing vegetarian restaurant called village green near kikat zion. so delicious. we all had a lovely chat and took some photos. i got my ear talked off about really depressing things, but i listened carefully. it was a good lesson. i don't listen enough.

anyway, after dinner, mom and i wanted to do some shopping, so we got a reccommendaton from rusty to go to geula street. so we took a cab there. if you want to know my idea of a NOT good time, go to geula street. it's a street designated solely for orthodox clothing, wares, items, food, everything. basically blander than the amish. but i digress. plus i was real tired. and grumpy. actually i just typed 'frumpy' and erased it, but it was probably true too.

anyway, we caught a cab back to the bus station and waited in a sheruit for what seemed like days while the drive stood outside and yelled, "TELAVIVTELAVIVTELAVIV!" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over... you get the point.

we finally got back to tel aviv and parted ways. came home and hung with the roomies for a while and i realized that if i don't constrict myself to the thoughts in my body and preconceived notions i have about myself, i could do a lot more. just be open to whatever happens. david (german buddy) stayed over and we each cuddled up in our own blankets and curled up, falling asleep to sigur ros. woke up and went to sharet for tutoring. we were on time, but had to leave early for our VISA meeting, which was a bummer because i really like the kids there. i think they were a little disappointed.

on the way back home, alli and i walked through an apartment parking lot like we always do. but this time, there was a man throwing things away in the dumpster, but left a few rugs on a fence. so, being the natural scavengers that alice and i are, we decided to stuff these rugs in our backpacks and see what we could do with them at home. we started to walk away when the man started to call us in hebrew, so of course we did the only thing you can do in that situation: completely ignore him and walk faster. we weren't trying to steal anything, we genuinely had no idea this man did not want these rugs. we didn't do anything wrong, but our bodies disagreed with our moral stance on the matter. we just kept walking faster and faster while the man kept getting louder and harder to ignore. all of a sudden he comes up from behind and approaches us in hebrew. we stop and pretend not to know what he's saying. he grabs al's backpack and takes the rugs back. we die of embarrassment and walk home quickly. once we recovered from this episode, we walked to the ramla mall/central bus station (same building, mind you, which also houses the government offices) to handle our visa stuff. blah blah blah, i did it. my visa officially now expires january 19, 2009 unless i extend it further. which i'll have to pay for. whatevskies. anyway, after the meeting naama and i talked about my schedule in the food court over some mcdonald's fries. yeah, mcdonalds then alice and i found the flea market in ramla that everyone raves about. we scored big time. it was just like the yaffo market but i had no idea that the wednesday shuk (the big cool traveling one) was so awesome. we both grabbed some cool shit before making one amazing dress shop stop before making it home.

i had to get to tel aviv to see mom off, and david was getting ready to go to the sub kuch so we shared a sheruit. it was actually a very sweet ride. he asked me to play the postal service on my ipod and we both listened. the sunset streaked scenery was slowly streaming past our windows as we listened, occasionally catching a smile from the other. when we arrived, he asked me if i also thought that it was an oddly refreshing and relaxing moment. i did. we parted ways and i walked, tripped, and searched unsuccessfully for a sheruit all the way back to mom's hotel. finally got to her, and i watched TV while i nagged her to get ready so we could go do the souvenier shopping she wanted us to do. we FINALLY got her packed and ready, then we went down to say goodbye to her jam friends from the pizza joint downstairs and shopped a little bit before meeting the cab that took us to the airport and would take me back to ramla afterwards.

i already described the goodbye. i found out today after speaking with her, that she had read her ticket wrong and should've stayed for an extra day, which is a bummer. but it was nice to talk to her. she's safe and sound. i need to make her a list of all the reasons i'm proud of her. got dropped off by a very nice cab driver. i sat in the front (after being kicked out of, and then let back in the front due to random inspections...) and we had a nice chat. alice and i spoke to a very good friend of ours, who will be henceforth known as angelo.

this morning, we went to the elderly center and we brought the camera that karen is letting us use to get footage for the segment we're making about ISC and what we're doing here. i spent most of my time knitting (denise did a lot of work on the scarf she started for my mom last week and so i picked up where she left off). i'm really getting the hang of it i think. so i spent my time working on the scarf and getting pimped out, by denise, to her grandson (whom i've found out is my age). after i stupidly answered her question as to whether or not i have a boyfriend in the negative, she basically rings him and hands me the phone since she can't speak english. we ask each other a few questions and i realize pretty quickly that there is a reason why grandmothers in israel must resort to pimping out their grandsons. and the worst part about the whole scenario is how persistent they are. he pulled every trick out of the book to hang out tonight. its like, 'look man, no thanks m'kay?' when i turned down his request for my number, instead getting his, denise looked in her number book to find it since i'd given it to her earlier. ayayay. yentas. we finished up the day dancing with the oldies, after which, al and i headed to the mall again to pick up a prescription for her, then grabbing a half falafel from gadi's place before booking it home so al would be able to get her whistle before coaching soccer at sharet. apparently this whistle is a necessary accessory. whew say that ten times fast...

when i got home, i spent a few hours picking photos for a photo book i want to make chronicling my time here. i'm real excited about it. i skyped some friends and got to speak to shmiffany and jojo and andy (whom i love very much) and wish them a happy thanksgiving. after she finished coaching for the night, al called me and invited me along with buffy and jen, to the indian restaurant for our own thanksgiving dinner. we all took turns expressing what we are thankful for. i am thankful that mom came and for all the lessons i'm learning about myself and others. and we ate delicious food as well. full and happy, we all walked home and have been listening to music and talking and knitting. well i've been knitting. and i got to talk to josh, donna, mom, dad, eddie, and joan. the last three are in florida for thanksgiving. i asked everyone what they were thankful for. i called gammy, but no answer. i am also thankful for all of the experiences i'm having here, and the lessons i'm learning from myself and others. i am also thankful that i get to sleep in my bed for an extended period of time. we were supposed to sleep in the sub kuch tonight, but luckily al and i both agreed that it would be nicer to sleep at home. it's going to be a long weekend. tomorrow, we're going to the yaffo market with david and then to natanya with eran. can't fucking wait. i also noticed that when i make a mistake while knitting, i get stressed out. but it's ok that the scarf isn't perfect. it's imperfections are what make it unique. i should remember that.

OH, and naama brought alice and i the vid cam from oranim so we can film our documentary! woo.

AND i emailed dad al and i's passport stuff so we can go to petra and jordan right before new year's eve.

AAAAAND that's al folks...

goodnight...

love,

sally

calling out for a hero till the morning light

2008-11-24T13:37:00.000-08:00

soooooo this morning alice and i woke up late for the greenhouse project, but early enough (luckily) to convince alon to convince the bus driver to pick us up near our house. score! we jumped on the bus, and one of my faves, rachael, called me over to her seat to listen to westlife (boy band from ireland). i was beside myself. we had a great day in the greenhouse preparing soil, water, squeegying, and planting peppers and tomatoes. it was really cool. i definitely got into the hard labor. it is very therapeutic. i felt like i did something with the kids today. i really like it. we ate there, and got dropped off at the school in just enough time to pick up the video camera from the TV station and get to kadima. had a fun day there, playing soccer. filmed a little bit, but sivan said we can't do anything with the footage without parental consent. so that sucks. hopefully we can work it out. worked with the kids a bit, played more soccer, and right before we left sivan gave alli and i a heart to heart. she told us how bad some of the kids have it at home and how important it is to them that we come every week. it means so much to them to have someone to hug and ask them how their day was. it made me a little teary. we walked home afterwards, so i could meet my mom at the house. she was to come all by her lonesome on a sheruit, then another sheruit to ramla. however, after several confused phone calls, she ended up in jerusalem. then after a few more confused phone calls, she was walking to lod. eventually she got here and we watched 'a league of their own'. fuck that's a good movie. anyway, now we're going to tel aviv to be picked up for a tour of jerusalem tomorrow. really fucking early too. so i'm going. but i love everyone. goodnight.

love,

sally

i laugh more often now, i cry more often now

2008-11-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

wow, a lot has happened in the last few days. so quick recap. since my mom has been in town i haven't been around my computer a lot. so i apologize for the long pauses in bloggings. but i'm having fun keeping busy. so i don't feel bad. you'll forgive me.

so after we last spoke, mom, alice, and i caught a sheruit to tel aviv from ramla. mom and i hung out for a while and alice went to the sub kuch where i would later meet her. mom and i ran into mayaan who is always sweet. i spent a little time with mom near her place, but then said goodbye and met alice at the kuch from which she, david, inbar (one of the managers of the sub kuch), inbar's girlfriend, and i (later joined by ben-el... most fabulous gay LA/Texas/tel aviv resident ever and his weird friend) walked REALLY far (but not really that far) to a dance party. right before we got in, al told me that she thought we should just go back to the bar since it was 30 sheckels and she knew it would suck. i didn't really agree, so we went in. alice was right, unfortunately. we had entered a gay rave of 9 people dancing. really great people watching though. we retreated upstairs to the couches and found some plastic feet to decorate our room. not soon after, we left to walk back to the sub kuch while inbar, david, and inbar's girl went to a lesbian bar. i took some really cool photos on the walk back. alice and i walked through florentine, which is really a beautiful neighborhood and found a nice ledge. we decided to sit on it. we discussed how cool it would be if all of a sudden, everyone disappeared, and what we would do. so much food and fun shit. not at all bad. also, what would happen if a t-rex suddenly walked by on the street. i wish i could see a dinosaur. shit.

anyway, we got back to the subkuch, indulged in some treats and snuck upstairs to the gallery to sleep on some couches. mission accomplished. in the morning, we had a little chat time with david and continued onto my moom's place. after waiting FOREVER for her to get ready and meeting fifi, coach, and todd, we walked to the flea market in yaffo. it was a hike, but the beach was gorgeous. yaffo is a mostly arab port city on the outskirts of tel aviv, but the buildings are beautiful. you can taste the antiquity. mmmmm antiquitylicious... we found the shuk after a brief search and i came across the first booth and picked out two oldish photos that i liked from a miscellaneous box of them. i gave them to the vendor and asked how much he wanted for them. he told me 5 sheckel, i was expecting much less. i made a face. he promptly tore both photos in half, yelled at me and cursed me out ("fucking americans. get the fuck out of here. you don't let me eat!"). mom heard, got upset. later she would, twice, tell customers of his to go somewhere else because he had town up her daughter's photos ("ze LO TOV!!"). we found some great stuff there though (clothes, accessories, the works), although i was a bit shaken up the rest of the time we were there. i had only mildly defended myself, but the guy hurt my feelings. fuck it. as we were leaving, mom yelled at the guy and harrassed more customers. i hid behind a building but it made me proud that she was sticking up for me. go mom. she's insane. did i mention that she bought 50 pairs of binoculars for her cousin's grandkids? not 5. 50. like fifty. and a cart to drag them home. so we put her in a cab with all 50 pairs of binoculars, so she didn't have to shlep them and we all walked back. ate with mom and alice, took a nap and later that night walked to a friend's apartment. we tried to go to a pub, but it was closed so we bought beers and spent the evening playing 'shithead', a delightful card game at the end of which, we were taking a little man off the top of our beers, picking our noses while we said "tottenham is the greatest team the world has ever seen" and pretending like we had tourette's syndrome all before taking a sip of beer, after which we, of course, put the little man back on top of our beer. before bed, we watched a documentary about a marriage service that matches lonely english men to industrious thai women. i was fascinated by the dynamic between the two and it gave me the idea to do a photo series on the subject. or make a movie. we'll see. ended up passing out and ...

in the morning on saturday, we had coffee and walked back to mom's place because orna had made plans to pick us up and take us to a city on the way to haifa which apparently is fun to walk around. fortunately, it was raining, so we decided to go to the PANCAKE HOUSE AND SEE A MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was beside myself. we had pancakes. it was amazing. and saw 'vicki christina barcelona', which for some reason, scarlett johansson's character made me realize that there is beauty in everything and i just want to find my passion. for anything. a person, my photography, music, friends, family, traveling. everything. i just felt very much re-connected to my vision after this movie. i want to see it again. thanks woody allen. bought 3 dvd's for 50 sheckels. we had delicious bagels with cream cheese, salmon, and avocado (things i'm missing big time here) and orna and yarden dropped us off at mom's (alice and i wanted to walk back to the bus station). i was super inspired and challenged us to a people interaction game, where we would ask random people intense questions. it didn't really work, but we ran into a co-worker and her friend. we asked them intense questions instead. told them about the sub kuch, and after we parted ways, we decided to go ahead and pay the kuch people a visit for one drink. we had a really great conversation about love, why we can't find it, and life. that all we need are 1)laughter 2)nature 3)friends 4)love 5)music

not in any particular order. it's a five-thing. we also ran into eran from natanya and we all tag-team made up a beautiful story about a blind man, a boy, colors, and the dahli lama. al and i got home kind of late, but listened to good music, watched part of 'human nature' (michel gondry movie that i LOVE) and decided to write down the story. we went to bed and slept though ulpan. cleaned room and put up palm leaves to decorate. i was supposed to teach photography with buffy today but it was postponed. got a call from a man named avi from the municipality that wanted to meet me to discuss my possibly working with kids and playing guitar or singing with them. i met avi and he drove me to the music conservatory in ramla. it was soooooooooooo cool. we talked about me learning a couple of songs, possibly putting together a show to teach to the kids. just basic stuff for fun, but they have all the equipment i'll need. it is fantastic. i'll meet him next week to audition, kinda. then we made macaroni and cheese and finished 'human nature'.

tonight, after a sheruit to tel aviv (where we randomly ran into todd edelman-- no fucking way), alice and i met mom at the corner of levinsky and allenby so we could all go to the sub kuch for open mic. i didn't bring my guitar, so i thought i might not be able to play, but tal set me up. i played rocky raccoon with daniel lostoyz who is a dream of all dreams, then chico stepped up. the whole room sang and clapped along. it was a reall great time. i met some very sweet people. later i played airbag and history of fiction. i think i did well. people were very nice. now that i don't work on sundays, i'm going to play open mic from now on. mom surprised me with a dvd of 'a league of their own', which i'm fuckin stoked to watch. it all ended with one big jam session. that was great. time flew faster than light tonight and before i knew it, mom was in a cab home after showing off betty boop to ben-el, david, and other random dudes, and alli, david, and i were getting turned down for a guitar hero sesh. so we missed the sheruits and took a quick, expensive cab ride home. now i'm tired. greenhouse project tomorrow, then kadima, then who knows. i just hope my mom gets on her tour tomorrow to jerusalem... i'm really stepping up with my photography. getting courageous. i like it.

goodnight all. love love love,

sally