Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
If money made the mind more sane, Of money mellowed in the bowel The hunger beyond hunger's pain, Or money choked the mortal growl And made the groaner grin again, Or did the laughing lamb embolden To loll where has the lion lain, I'd go make money and be golden. Nor sex will salve the sickened soul, Which has its holy goal an hour, Holds to heart the golden pole, But cannot save the silver shower, Nor heal the sorry parts to whole. Love is creeping under cover, Where it hides its sleepy dole, Else I were like any lover. Many souls get lost at sea, Others slave upon a stone: Engines are not eyes to me, Inside buildings I see bone. Some from city to city flee, Famous labors make them lie; I cheat on that machinery, Down in Arden I will die. Art is short, nor style is sure: Though words our virgin thoughts betray, Time ravishes that thought most pure, Which those who know, know anyway; For if our daughter should endure, When once we can no more complain, Men take our beauty for a whore, And like a whore, to entertain. The city's hipper slickers shine, Up in the attic with the bats; The higher Chinamen, supine, Wear a dragon in their hats: He who seeks a secret sign In a daze or sicker doze Blows the flower superfine; Not a poppy is a rose. If fame were not a fickle charm, There were far more famous men: May boys amaze the world to arm, Yet their charms are changed again, And fearful heroes turn to harm; But the shambles is a sham. A few angels on a farm Fare more fancy with their lamb. No more of this too pretty talk, Dead glimpses of apocalypse: The child pissing off the rock, Or woman withered in the lips, Contemplate the unseen Cock That crows all beasts to ecstasy; As so the Saints beyond the clock Cry to men their dead eyes see. Come, incomparable crown, Love my love is lost to claim, O hollow fame that makes me groan; We are a king without a name: Regain thine angel's lost renown, As, in the mind's forgotten meadow, Where brightest shades sleep under stone, Man runs after his own shadow New York, March 1949: Allen Ginsburg
Friday, January 22, 2010
class was good today. i got to wander and take photos around the building. inspiring little session. i was in the type of floaty-mind, create weird things mood. a girl that hadn't gotten her camera yet approached me so that she might accompany me on my shooting mission in order to learn the ropes of the camera functions together. i guess she wasn't really feeling my floaty-mind vibe, so she went off very sweetly and found someone with a camera, and mind-vibe, that better aligned with hers. i experimented with aperture priority and manual focus settings, as well as intentional non-focus, and paid attention to surface patterns, shapes, colors and light instead of subject matter. found some interesting angles and perspectives. i'm excited to incorporate what i learned today into future image creation. we were assigned our first mini-project today, entitled 'every day', based on the ideas of photographer byron wolfe.
i am to take several photographs each day for ten consecutive days, inspired either by something i didn't expect to see or something that encompasses what my daily life is like, choosing the best one from each day and show in class. pretty basic stuff. here are a couple that i shot today:
later on, mom picked eddie and i up for shabbat dinner at karen's, which was an event unto itself, as the conversation cycled through god, causal determinism (which commonly accompanies general god-talk), jesus christo, photography, israel, the bible being a man-made text, evil, pure evil, masturbators, the fact that i should in fact, get an advanced degree in journalism if i actually want to become a photojournalist, cookies, acupuncture, passion, llalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaala. i have difficulty in god conversations, in which i don't feel as if my opinion will be considered as a contribution. i know what i believe, and unapologetically so and i very much enjoy an involved debate with others educated on the subject who would actually be curious to question my beliefs without judgement, no matter what position taken. but for this part of the evening, i felt it was wiser to just not say anything at all. proselytizing ain't my bag. the rest of the table talk was pretty interesting as my cousin's husband was a philosophy major, turned terribly unsatisfied graduate student, turned photographer, turned photo lab manager/graphic design student. good advice and words there. made me think a lot about how i may tint my future. adi came by and brought me such a great birthday present:
the story attached reads as follows: when he and his younger sister moriah were around 12 and 9, respectively, and i was around 5, they got a real kick out of the fact that they could get me to say anything they wanted. so they taught me the secret word. and in order to make sure that i remembered this word, they would (of course) test my knowledge in front of our parents and grandparents at family functions.
"what is the secret word, sally?", they'd implore, eagerly awaiting my response.
"diarrhea crap!", i'd joyfully reply.
sick bastards. the painting is fucking genius. i can't believe he made it. we spent the last hour or so looking up teddy ruxpin, lite brite, and giant cork sculptures on the internet.
on the way home, i had an interesting insight into my mother. i have difficulties with her sometimes. i get frustrated. all the reasons were flooding my immediate consciousness in the back seat of the mini-van on the drive back to our house. then, all of a sudden she said something that made me realize that no matter what she does to drive me totally bonkers, above all else she would do anything for eddie and i. in her eyes, her love for us is one of, if not THE thing, that makes her life important. so i breathed, and relaxed, and the rest fell quiet. so i was pretty thankful for that moment. good day. good book to read. i'm goddamn sleepy. i'm worried about gammy, but i pick her and ira up tomorrow for our family birthday brunch. we'll see everyone. i'll tell her about restorative stem-cell procedures. we can't give up. goodnight.
p.s. i'm super excited because i ordered edgard varese, the mothers of invention, and plastic ono band on vinyl and the new beach house is on its way! fuckkkkkk yes.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
found a book on cd from the previous owner of my car preaching abstinence
read autobiography of frank zappa, which doesn't begin to explain the late mad genius within
finished tape of field recordings, trying to decode, pretty cute
got a vibe
wondering about certain ones
recording little snippets
played the role of bouncer whilst wearing best hat ever
off for my birthday
i want everyone to donate to haiti, in lieu of gifts
got a record player
saw eddie in fort worth stock show parade, which ended up being totally fun
bar-b-que clown minister made me a balloon hat
gregorian chants at work
want plastic ono band: yoko
had the pleasure of playing floor bass drum with jacob metcalf/teddy/petra/daniel
adam/shamikah/jtnl location scouting/shooting ended up perfectly
disappointed family party
our own rocket ships
spiral marker top art
met little sean dude, good kid
jaffe lady leaves
parade of the past people while i'm posted at the entrance, i'm the gate-keeper. feels like so long ago...
i suppose in both good and bad ways. but today in particular, i feel stressed. like there's a pressure bearing down on my solar plexus that won't cease. it's all just one thing after another, while in the meantime lots of exciting things are happening. i'm turning 25 tomorrow, i just spent the last two days as the key PA on an atlantic music vid shoot for this dallas band, which was a fantastic experience. i was in NY for 5 days, although being back it feels like i was gone for an entire month. work is fine. i'm staying relatively busy performing moderately interesting tasks, but i'll need to ask for a pay increase soon or i'll have to start looking for something less fun and more lucrative (probably). most of this money worry is compounded by the fact that starting tomorrow, i'll no longer be covered by my mom's health insurance. not to mention the fact that i now have a car loan. this part of adulthood licks cow balls. real big ones. i'm sad about haiti. i've been playing with this loop pedal and sampler that were very generously lent to me. that is REALLY fun. i've finally begun wading through the massive amounts of photographs from israel so that i can narrow them down for my show in june, which i'm super excited about. so i'll continue to focus on productive things, while weathering my mini-quarter-life-crisis. let's get a drink. holler.