Wednesday, January 28, 2009

all the men will be sailors then until the sea shall free them

the last couple of days have been pretty boring. nothing much new. just makin' that dolla. today was great.

woke up super early, took a shower, made yummy broccoli and yellow pepper scramble. then to walk to the visa office for the fax number, then booked it to the flea market (wednesday shook in ramla---huge). bought way too many cool things. clothes mostly, but i got a SWEET fringe backpack. got back home in enough time to chill out and take a nap before taking the train to work. i really like doing that. the train is lovely. but the commute to and from kfar saba is a super bitch. AXCEL FORMONICA. today was SARAH ELIZABETH STEINFINK'S birthday today. officially, always, 1 week and 1 day younger than me. i need to call her again. i miss that girl. practically my sister. we did everything together. at work, called a bunch of people. called mom and dad to get jewish documents. ate pizza. got sleepy. drank tea. talked to andy about him possibly coming to visit!!! chatted with dylan about my song for the moment. he's a dream. took the long way home and finally arrived. walked by the house. new roommates are JAPpy. they couldn't find my cameras. that bugs me. got home and imanuel made chocolate milk with ice cream. he's the best ever. chatted with dylan and he shared some love with me. alice and i shared some love with others. i love m. ward, leonard cohen, and jim james. damnit, i do. i called my gammy and talked to her for a while, we promised to make baked alaska and israeli dishes when i return. then alice and i ate pomegranates and watched part of 'candy'. such a depressing film, but gutwrenchingly real. fucking terrible. this is horribly written and i apologize. i'm going to bed now. tomorrow is the opening session of ISC, so alice and i are invited. (basically we get to size up the new group.) i hope they're ready.

goodnight all.



Saturday, January 24, 2009

white rabbit sat on my hat

woke up yesterday and packed up
moved some stuff
came home
packed up more stuff
shlomi helped
imanue; scared us
came home
woke up early
finished packing
yaacov is lucky
finished the last of it by hand
went to bank
we're retards
get money
go to office
fruit/train/mexican restuarant
meet cool chick
har[ers bday!
talk to eddie and dad
talk to people al day
bus back
taxi back
cool david
good music
wake up kid
darjeeling back tickle
home sweet home

slept kinda weird
lots of wind
new place
stole covers
wake up
get dressed for lawyer
go see lawyer
names revealed
dental advice
went to insurance place
pretend to be pini's friend
leave and go to house
pull pads off the wall
clean the shit out of the kitchen
finish and sit outside, signing buffy's yearbook
yahel comes back and tells us about a place we can get things for free
we walk back to the apartment
go to the shuk with imanuel in a rush
on fridays at 1 things get crazy
we get so much fruit and vegetables
see michael and yusuf at the same time
go back for round two
drive back home and lug sooooooo many groceries up the stairs
finally done
clean the SHIT out of the kitchen
its really therapeutic
finish and go to shabbat dinner at naamas
they tell us we're famous from the article (douchewalla yaguar)
we eat amazing food
get tired and drink tea
clean more and have treats
watch japanese gameshows and human nature and get tired
get in bed
eat oranges
fall asleep
really long day

wake up this morning too late
finish cleaning room
really nice
watch more japanese videos
more treats
look at imanuels photos
he forgets about the tea in a funny way
cool stories about australia byron bay
have to go there
get done and walk to the house to get more things
pick up a few things and meet fifi
meet new group
cool kids
weird not being there
i'm going to get used to this
walk back
wait for orna
orna picks us up
we drive to lapid for birthday dinner
we hang out with the kids for a minute before dinner starts
eran's got hiccups, then have a breath holding contest
orna makes burekas, tomato soup, cheese breads, salad, mushroom crepes!, and eran tells me they have a surprise for dessert
i'm jealous of your dessert
brooklyn banks
they bring out a chocolate cake with lit candles and sing to me
we eat cake and the kids bring out a little present
i get up and hug them all
really cute and sweet
we finish dinner and go to yarden's room to play DDR
i'm terrible at DDR
we go to watch more youtube
drink tea and watch pregnant man with orna
look at her morocco photos while she goes to take the dogs for a walk
really interesting looking at those photos of older people traveling with no stories
it'd be different if we went there
interesting about perspective and truth
then orna came back and shows us photos and tells us stories
lots of photos
get sleepy and finish the photos
on the way home we talk to orna about gilat shelit and the other kidnapped soldiers
really fucking sad and confusing
come home and have some treats w imanuel
get ready for bed and watch death proof

woke up WAAAAAAAAY later than we should've
puttered around the apartment, making a little food (i use 'making' loosley as i ate bread and hummus and a cut up pepper)
took a nice shower and washed things
tidied up a bit more with some treats
got ready to go to work, but realized that we had to get money from the ATM
walked all the way to an ATM, then caught a sheruit to the train station
saw scary emo dude with ice blue contacts
talked on the train
got to kfar saba and walked to work
had a long day at the office, makin calls
wrote a letter to a friend
got "dissappointed in"
chatted with andy and EDDIE!!!


thats fucked up. go him!
anyway, talked to eddie
really sweet
talked to people interested in coming back to israel on long term program
ate pizza
convinced hot girl not to kill herself
after work, ofir drove us to the bus station
mom called so i could talk to eddie
talked to eddie again! he had birthday brunch with the fam
gave me some shocking and sad updates
i have to be ok
called dad to verify on the bus
scares me, but i have to think positively
alice was told the story of how shlomi got bitten by a dog, now in hospital
got to tel aviv and decided to go to the sub kuch for one beer
saw chico, daniel, robin, and sagi
went upstairs because tonight is open stage
checked in with tal, went back down and then back up
peeps played a cool improv bit with the whole gang
i'm up next
i played hilda's song, for her former name
then i called chico and we sang rocky raccoon sing a long style with no mics
just sat on the stage
it went great and i felt better
finished up a treats with sagi, chico on the roof
downstairs again for bubbles and beer
maayan fucking drunk from testing drinks at a bartender training
and outside once more with gabriel
came back to pay and say goodbye but i was ambushed by a smiley, happy, gingie orthodox rabbi
"ma atem rotzim lishtot, motek. aize hamuda!"
he gave me this huge, smiley hug and i was terrified
i was not expecting that at all, really crazy
we left and called david cool taxi guy for a 90 sheck cab
all of a sudden, waiting, the rabbi drives by in his minivan. i don't believe that.
he wasn't looking at the road, but i can talk mostly in hebrew with him the whole time
even though he terrified me
i had to remind him of the exit and he swerved
we had a whole convo once we stopped, finally walked home
check out new facebook friend
alice calls 'yours', "oh that's him"
i've never seen someone ruin their own game
i need to talk to gammy
going to sleep now



Tuesday, January 20, 2009

yom huledet sameach

man, for a day that started out shittily as you can get i am the happiest girl in the world. after i wrote last, we got ready to go out to meet imanuel and check out the apartment to see if it was do-able. right before we leave, alice checks her email and recieves one from chris mahoney saying that he'll do his best to get us a job at the safari camp in kenya!!! so that's GREAT news. then we walk to imanuel and naama's apartment (one building away from the apartment we're looking at moving into). we go there and after a brief tour of our potential new home, imanuel has a conversation with pini, the landlord. pini has no teeth. no english either, except for the words, "god", "love", and "thank you". and this place is a fucking steal too. 2 bedroom for 6500 sheckels (for the first 3 months rent), split in half (then alice and i are splitting half). so basically it's 250 dollars a month. not bad at all. so we leave and discuss with imanuel what we should do, because pini says that since we don't have a lot of money, he's open minded about the price. we go back to naama's and discuss everything. we decide to do it and imanuel calls pini to talk about details. we make the deal and all get really excited to take a hip hop class with naama. SO EXCITED!

imanuel dropped us off at the sheruit station and we bussed it to the sub kuch (of course).

not feeling well
try to drink beer
hang out with edai
talk with sagi
see gabriel from new york group
talk to eddie
hang outside and meet greg
go inside and eran shows up with my presents, tomer, hadar, roni, and dana (who gives me the sweetest card ever)
we all hang out and daniel gives us treats
we sit on the motorcycles
roni breaks glass
asks me to go upstairs
i say no
we take polaroids
ofir shows up
face painting/pictures
meet ben from england
more face painting
time to go
say bye to natanya peeps
motorcycle helmet dance party
wanna make out for real?
take a cab home
get back to so many brithday notes!!!!!
andrew's blog!!!!
i'm just so happy!!!
alli and i take photos of face paint.

everything is GREAT!!



lisa its your birthday, happy birthday lisa

i have a friend. his name is dylan. it's my birthday...

Dylan Hollingsworth wrote at 7:32am
its your birthday. if i could, i'd give you ...

...time. greek goddess fruit. flaws that are beautiful. love in all stages. inadequacy roadmaps. 100 year old photographs. your life's laughter recorded. madness that can be channeled. clarity when you cant see. skinned knees garnished with band-aids. a grandmother's milkshakes. a plaque of allegiance. permission to not be okay. songs about inner cosmos. a picture of me when i was 5. and i guess a little more time. to sort it all out. and i know you will.

you hang brightly, sallygal. thank you for being in my life.

also, here's an article about our program: :))

in other news, here's what's been going on in my life:

woke up at 11
hung out being lazy
talked to andrew in the morning
went to sharet to play soccer
met cute flippy kid
i'm worthless at soccer
came back
got ready for ceremony of girls dancing
left too early
stopped by to get burekas
sat outside and saw little girl from kadima
looked at photos
saw girls in bathroom
saw teacher from sharet
invited us to shabbat dinner
went inside for ceremony
girls are cute
naama shows up
we say hi and bye to dana
walk back to apartment with naama
meet imanuel
stop by naamas and wait for the man with the car
drink chinese tea
try again to see apartment
no go, but we leave to get gas
alli drops the flag out the window
we circle around and grab it
get back home to lots of peeps and invent pini
play pini for a few hours
new girls
coach stays
imanuel leaves
coach and i play around a little
party in our room
everyone leaves
watch crass doc
really inspiring (the only authority is yourself)_
i go to bed

wake up this morning
take sheruit to nave yonatan
see rachael
she gives me coolest present ever for my birthday
we spend the day building a greenhouse
talk to alli about what we'll do in LA
hammering things
took some photos
talked to rachael in hebrew
give her my email address
we talk about translating
get on the bus and say goodbye
get home and hang out before walking to the visa place
get there and walk around getting alli so many itchy remedies
get visa questions answered
walk to get booze for tomorrow
walk back to gadi's and get free birthday falafel
we part ways so alli can do birthday things
i get home and email photos
vid chat with dad
talking with trigg!!!
in korea
now showering for karaoke night!

well, i showered for karaoke night
it went like this
got ready
naama came over and we gave her flowers and a framed photo of the group
we all leave for the karaoke bar in a sheruit
reminds me of the first night we all went out
get to the bar in tel aviv and drink way too much
i sign up to sing creep and don't go chasin' waterfalls
naama sings 'hero' and dedicates it to us
we dance
i inspect the new guy's ipod
we escape at alice's insistence
i pee outside and we walk to another bar to meet nufar and her boys
lots of dancing, convincing, turning down
we leave and start to walk to another club with izy, but we all have to go home
we hop in a cab and i wake up in front of our house
i get to the front door and puke
get in bed and sleep
wake up this morning to an upset stomach and don't stop puking until about 2 hours ago
there's a knock at the door, buffy comes in, and alli makes me get it
its a gigantic bouquet of flowers with teo sweet cards from my mom and alice
i wake up to lots of sweet messages
mom calls
dad and joan skype call
i call amber!!!
chat with andrew!!!
david calls from germany!!!!!
i'm getting ready to shower and check out our potential apartment
they're trying to "kick us out" by 12PM tomorrow. but it's not going to happen
it's my birthday goddamnit.
then tonight, the SUB KUCH!!



Saturday, January 17, 2009

just because the sky turned from grey into blue

the best laid plans are bullshit. things that are the most right hurt the most also. for me anyway. because i'm abnormal. i'm embracing that. it's ok. the point is that i've made some decisions about what to do next. i stand by them, even thought they are difficult. here they are:

1) stay in israel for the next 6 months and work to save money to get to africa. i feel like whatever i'm doing here is valuable for me and other people. i like that feeling.

2) the ministry of agriculture that we volunteer with has offered alice and i jobs working in a lab cleaning seeds for the clean room for research. i like that idea. working with my hands. it's cleansing. all the way.

3) we found an apartment in ramla (the city that i've been living in for the past few months). it's 3-bedroom for 2000 sheckels (that's about 800 dollars). plus, it's fully furnished. not bad.

4) momo (owner of oranim educational initiatives) has offered us part time work at the office in kfar saba promoting the israel service corps (the program i've been on).

5) if we want, we've been offered jobs by the women we volunteered with working for the city of ramla to help with volunteer programing and tutoring english.

so things are looking pretty interesting at this point. i'm in a crazy place in my life. i'm lost and stuck in an in between place. i'm not safe emotionally. i'm safe physically. but not at home. i'm so fucking far away from home that i couldn't be more far away from home. but fuck it. if i was at home i would be pining for something else anyway. some adventure. and that's all i'm doing, really. this is the time. i have no responsibility at home. i miss the fuck out of my family and feeling comfortable and safe at home. i miss my friends. my real ones. and people that love and care about me no matter what. but i will tell you something. you really find out who your true friends are when you're away from home. if anything i've learned that. i'm no dummy. just a little slow. i guess i'm just slowly learning how to take down the walls that i put up that hold me back. and away from other people. that's the scariest fucking thing i've ever done. it's terrifying actually. it feels like i'm screaming inside to just let go. stop being scared. you can fucking do this. you can fucking do anything. just relax. breathe. stop. ok now go and don't stop until i die. so that's what i'm doing. if anything i learn from several people in particular: if i want a pizza, i gotta order it. i'm dialing the number. it's ringing. "hello?..."


UPDATE: alice just got a call from her mom including an ultimatum to be back in LA by august 1, 2009 for her sister's sweet 16. so that's interesting news. i don't know EXACTLY what it means yet, but it's something. it's funny, the fact that there's a bit of an expiration date on this particular adventure gives me a renewed energy for being here. a goal to work for. we talked about coming back, going to school for a year or so, then going to south america for the peace corps. why not, right? i figure if i can do this, i can do anything. i feel great. alice is upset because she likes existing in the unknown. nay, thrives in it. but i think it'll be ok. it even gives me more of an appreciation for my time here. YAY



Friday, January 16, 2009

her hair is soft and her breath is soft and her name is soft

i watched the neil young movie 'heart of gold' today. he started talking about his daughter, then played this song that he'd written about her. i thought about my dad. so dad, if you can hear me, watch this movie.

When your summer days come tumbling down
And you find yourself alone
Then you can come back and be with me
Just close your eyes and I'll be there
Listen to the
Of this old heart beating for you
Yes I'd miss you
But I never want to hold you down
You might say I'm here for you

When the winter comes to your new home
And snowflakes are falling down
Then you can come back and be with me
Just close your eyes and I'll be there
[ Find more Lyrics at ]
Listen to the sound
Of this old heart beating for you
Yes I'd miss you
But I never want to hold you down
You might say I'm here for you

In the spring, protective
arms surrounding you
In the fall, we let you go your way
Happiness I know will always find you
And when it does, I hope that it will stay

Yes I miss you
But I never want to hold you down
You might say I'm here for you
Yes I miss you
But I never want to hold you down
You might say I'm here for you
I'll always be here for you


but in other news:::

this is what happened the last few days:

got picked up super early
drove to the north to the western gallilee to meet guide shauilee
drove to binyamina
hiked a little
saw beautiful view
walekd further to rothschild garden
very peaceful, i would love to have a garden when i'm older
alice and i took gay photos
went to rothschild grave
took photos with fish
met a bat
went for lunch in zichron yaacov
met nice people from scotland and new orleans
they said we could stay there
talked to mom on phone
she's sad i won't be home
exchanged money
we drive to valley with caves
do some more hiking, stairs, think i'll die
enter home
more hiking
find caves, alice hears boars
more hiking
i talk to shauliee about hiking stamina
maybe i'll go hiking to get in shape, i realize i need to
get used to the pain
meet up with guy doing research, he tells us about the different species of stuff on each ridge
kosher dick
run into goat herd at the end, weirdest goats ever
and horse
get done hiking and start drive to kibbutz
listen to music and enjoy the view
stop at grocery store for dinner fixins
get to kibbutz, its fucking freezing
hang with naama and get some tea, talking about jewish boys
cut up veggies for barbeque
eat skewers
too cold
hang inside
finish eating
walk down to the bar owned by yariv's bro
explore but no one there
go back to room and hang watching batman while buffy and naama talk
get ready and pick up other girls until time to leave
get to bar and get first shots
bob dylan, alanis morisette
more drinks
play pool wth jade and alice, we suck
start playing toothpick games
get into it
really fun
drink more and hang out
play pool horribly
more free shots and drinks
walk home and pass out


woke up and walked to fortress for breakfast
really yummy breakfast in cool ass building with high school kids
meet yariv, wants to expand ISC
finish eating and go outside to check out the view
we hear about rockets nearby
really windy but really amazing
yariv tells us about his house that he's building
i could live on a kibbutz
see butt fucking sillouhette
go to fortress and yariv tells us about the significance with the crusades
keeps getting calls about the rockets
naama and yariv get into a disagreement about the bad stuff jews did
its just war, that's how it is
we get finihsed and walk all the way up to the tower
incredible view
walk down, crawl under locked fence
get to van and drive to rainbow canyon
take a hike around, really windy but beautiful
can see a third of israel, lebanon border and lookout
get outta there and go to cliffs
can't swim or you'll get shot around lebanon border
walk down by water, clearest blue, weird animals and sandy/reefy
pick up trash, yariv is sad because its' dirty
get out and drive to acko, alice and i start playing bad song games
get to acko and eat lunch, talking about the significance of acko and underground city
ate at hummus place
went to bathroom got turned down for a photo
got delicious desert
walked through city and market
i'd love to go back there
market was closed
walked around more and yariv told us about the riots there
finished up in acko and left yariv
best trip so far
drove, played bad song games again, slept
got home
imanuel stopped by
i kill myself trying to be natural but it hurts and its hard
we play songs and record stuff
naama comes by
really funny actually
he's just ridiculous
talks about him moving in
basically i need to be an adult, not worry about this, be myself, not care what he thinks. i'm a woman. it's ok to like someone, but i can be mature and direct and honest about this situation.
now i feel better
going to sleep
closing ceremony tomorrow

next day:

we woke up and cleaned the house getting ready for a visitor
i got picked up by naama to help dana preparing the kids' photos
i end up going to nave yonatan all by myself to mat these prints
say hi to rachael on the way in giving her a big hug
with terrible board, terrible tape, no help
i end up matting the prints by myself, but get a really cute girl named mya to help me cut tape
she asks me how i know rachael and tells me that rachael loves me but doesn't want everyone to know it (i think she's shy that she thinks the teacher is cool)
we finish up, mya asks me for a hug which i gladly give her (it was very sweet)
i hurry up to wait for zvi and jodi to get lost trying to pick me up
they FINALLY find me and we go to the place to set up for the closing ceremony
gets too late, so i just post the photos on a bulletin board
people start to file in and it's really nice because it's all the people that we've been working with for the past 5 months
karen from the TV station, sivan from kadima, fifine from sharet, elenor and yobsifer from nave yonatan, segev from el-em, and orna and yarden (my host mom and sister)
they all showed up to thank us and give us certificates of appreciation and completion
we start and momo says a few words, then each of our placements gets up to thank us individually
fifine gives us journals that our kids wrote sweet notes in to us (alli and i broke down at this point)
we all get up to say some words of thanks to each other and our volunteer placements and get really emotional (especially when i see fifine, orna, and alice)
we finally finish and say goodbye
alice and i walk home, stopping by kadima to say hi for a minute to the kids
get home in just enough time to drop our stuff off before walking to the community center to paint a wall with christian arab and jewish scouts together
it was really cool
i got some good shots
but i got to hear the leader of the christian scouts talk about the injustices carried out against the christians by the muslims and i realized that things are really not changing very quickly
it was nice to meet these kids though, and we painted a cool wall
alice and i walked home and changed before running out to the sub kuch to celebrate
we finally get there and hang out with the boys, daniel, etan, and yanez (jerk)
lots of celebratory beverages
have fun sitting and talking and loving
we go up to daniel's room and hang out with sebastien from vienna
leave the room early with etan and sebastien to talk at the bar (i realize i need to leave so i go back to daniel's room)
we decide to leave in a cab
finally get home and pass out


woke up kinda late and got a call from imanuel to see if we wanted to watch a movie
alice and i lazily putter around and watch part of darjeeling together
we hang out talking for a while and we finally call him to come over
he comes and brings the neil young movie
we make apple tea and hang out with buffy outside
we're shocked by her casting off of one of our other roommates
we go back inside and talk about imanuel moving in
he thinks he'll do it
i think that'll be ok
i just get real
we watch most of 'heart of gold'
i think about josh and my dad
get a little watery
imanuel leaves and al and chill out more trying to figure out what to do
we decide tonight's the night
i talk to my mom and eddie. i miss them
i call caitlin and it's really nice to talk to her (i love her, we'll always be close)
try really hard to get everyone out of the house
finally works, kinda
i call dylan and he makes my day
so wise
reminds me that being perfect is no fun
if everything was normal and working, we'd have nothing to live for
we get ready and cheers
things start to happen and life is good
i think about the fact that i'm still the little girl i used to be
i give that little girl and hug and let her know that everything will be ok
i won't let her down
i miss home like crazy and get stuck there, away from everything i know
makes me really sad
listen to radiohead and look at the maps
jodi comes in and tells us about her ex
alice and i decide to go outside
i get scared but she convinces me it'll be ok
i realize that i am the way i always am and that i can choose to be happy if i want it
i didn't choose to be happy at home and if i don't choose to be happy and unafraid here, then i won't be anywhere
we swing a little and walk to the wall we painted, then back down the street
grab a tangerine and hang out in the jungle in our front yard
alice drops the tangerine, i find it and we throw it at the house to scare jodi and shlomi
go back inside to call harper (no answer, funny message)
call andrew and we talk for hours and hours recording most of it
i'm just stuck in this weird in between place
neither here nor there
i better find a way to be ok or i never will be and its just that simple
talk about love, what it means
i fall in love all the time, for short periods of time
most of the people i fall in love with have no idea and most never will
maybe i can let myself love someone that loves me
talk about things that it was time to talk about
feels pretty good
there's these people that i am in love with, but i won't let myself love back
i need to stop thinking so much
it's ok to be lost. just jump in.
"if nothing else that's life. its real, sometimes it fucking hurts. but it's sorta all we have."
"when i'm with you i feel so safe. like i'm home"
we finally say goodnight after a good talk
i talk to my dad for a minute
then al and i talk about it a little before passing out after dawn
we wake up this afternoon and putter around some more before making eggs and watching stick it
i remember what it was like to be a gymnast
i want to have my body have muscles again
be in shape
that'll be great
now i have time
now we're watching garden state. and i love this movie. it makes me feel like i want to feel
it hurts to miss people and things and it's fucked up
but it's everything there is
now what?

i'm yelling into an abyss and it feels scary and good and real.

"for the first time in our lives, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is that we are. and i think that'll be better."

stay tuned for plans.



Wednesday, January 7, 2009

i like your sweater, i like your coat

i apologize in advance. our internet has been really really really fucked up. so i just listed everything again. love you. sorry. bye.

slept through kadima
imanuel stopped by and we talked for a while
watched wall e with imanuel
got the urge to record so i did
came up with some cool stuff
talked to andy
went to sleep
woke up and went to ulpan
walked through the wrong way, and walked through the cemetary and jumped the fence
learned cool things
zvi came
we called him
got home and made food
zvi came back over
we took down the sukka
called josh because i was sad
alli and i talked a lot because i got sad
she made me feel better
then we made fucked up songs
sent them all to friends
went to bed watching scrubs with alli
woke up this morning to sharet
played with kids all day, theyre great
games really productive
talked to them about their view of the war
talked to woman from volcani
came home and recorded another song
really cool
left hurredly for kfar saba
ran to the atm, sheruit to train station, caught train barely, got off train
walked to the office (talked about alli's love life)
started to rain, coach picked us up
drove to kibbutz to surprise eddie
talked to dad, told him my temporary plans
got to place
i got nervous, but saw eddie speak made my heart soar
then i spoke
saw new friend
we all ate dinner
fuck i'm gonig to miss him
said hi to new friend and that i like his music
said sad goodbye to eddie
drove to tel aviv
to ramla
talked to coach about army and war
got home
played fun music times

next day:

im so happy today
just grumpy
bus nap
got to kibbutz
met russian group
had no idea what to talk about
ended up describing program and anwering questions
i was really proud of what we do
talekd to heidi who works with african refugees
gonna do that
combo of being proud of music and not caring what others think
met guy on bus
listened to music and talked
got to blind place, men were hilarious
i felt high from happiness
couldnt eat lunch
so we went to a place
cute guy checked me out
ate laffa
talked to heidi and jodi and naama
shes got balls
ran to bus
talked about eat a dick
listened to music with card tricks
dreamy russian guys
left them
taught them game
drove home
hung out
tried to record
fucked it up
got lot kinda to nave yonatan
dana told me the girls wanted to show me a dnace
they did
i beamed
i almost cried
gave camera
one got mad
we went outside
almost got into a fight with boys
proud of girls
waled home fast
saw alice
recorded jungle symphony
goign out
didn't go out
just stayed home and passed out

next day:

woke up and fucked around all day
got up and showered
watched deathproof
marissa and keegan are the best friends ever
they made me ridiculous videos
went to sub kuch
met boys
got birthday treats
met friend
i am very surprised by a hand on my face and a kiss on my lips
asked to leave
fucking almost die getting to the station
sherit home really fast
get home and comfy
i'll be right back
comes back
we start
long time, really good, but i'm totally distracted
afterwards i pee on myself trying to get my tampon out
we sleep
wake back up
i do a little something
i beat myself up and stuff
talk myself out of why i'm an asshole
i go back to sleep
get up and make some food
watch death proof
watch ferris bueller
watch airheads
try to record something
get picked up by orna and kids
so happy to see them
we have a really nice dinner
put spoons on noses
i eat chocolate
eat glass
get dropped off
meet new roomates
and fifi
now in bed
picking photos for kids


sad to leave michal
learned a lot
new teacher came and we discussed the "matzav" (situation) in gaza
i like her
came home and hung out for a while
called and spoke to mr. keegan mcinroe
edited photos for the kids' exhibition that we're having at the closing ceremony
decided to go to the sub kuch with new roommate robin
talked to dad on the sheruit for a while about eddie
kinda sad
i miss them
got to the sub kuch and remembered its open stage
i walk up to check the gallery and this dude is playing man man on the piano
i start singing with him and he teaches me how to play it
cool guy tim from the west coast, just got off birthright
hung out for a while
i played joanna newsom and radiohead badly
i need to practice
tim and friend play nelly and beyonce
i feel better
gave link to chen
hung out with daniel in his room
played some songs
in the night
kind of annoyed, but only mildly. just sketched
walked to the sheruit station
waited for a while and decided to catch a cab
got home kinda late, but not too late
had a friend sleeping over
put a blanket, kiss on the forehead
answered new boston friend's email
found weshotjr posted my year end review
makes me sad
went to bed


woke up and went to volcani
bought some pears and grumpily caught sheruit to nave yonatan
got onto the bus and hung out until rachael got on and said "BOEE" (come on)
we chilled on the bus and listened to michael jackson on my ipod, talking for a bit
spent the day hanging out and pulling weeds, getting really dirty
slicing olives, peeling garlic, cutting lemons to make olive oil
it was great
then hadar took us to speak with rivka, the woman who'll be giving us a job in the plant gene bank
they peel seeds in the lab and clean them for stock in the cold room
we got real excited
all we need is a work visa and a bank account
so we finished up with the kids and ate lunch
kept seeing joke guys
rachael told me she'd get me a present for my brithday (i gave her the CD with her photos)
we took photos all on the bus (she loves that)
came home and took a nap before kadima
new roommate, grrrrrrrrrrrrr
woke up and walked to kadima
spent time hanging out and playing soccer
i scored my first goal!!!!!
love those kids
really great, gonna miss them a lot
talked to naama
she said the kids' photos look gorgeous
can't wait for the closing ceremony
came home and imanuel came by for a smoke
alice made stir fry after we stopped by and grabbed some veggies
watched the worst movie ever made (volleyball strippers)
got another message from boston friend
zvi stopped by with an offer and a postcard from ERNIE!
spoke to coach about his army visit
getting ready for trip to gallilee tomorrow
upset because i can't find my camera charger

all the new music i've been making is here. thanks to everyone who's listened already.

love everyone...


Monday, January 5, 2009

one day baby we'll be old and think of all the stories that we could've told

well, today is a little different. call it lazyness if you will but i've only got a brief report of events. i realized some things this weekend that merit more respect. we went to the shoshana in natanya this friday after hanging at the sub kuch for some time with some nice people with good hair and tall frames. i realized that janez is kind of a douche and that's a pretty relieving little fact. i'm glad to be over that. anywho, went to the shoshana and practically passed right out with roni. woke up to some really nice things and burekas. took some polaroids and hung out in the lovely ocean breeze. alice, roni, and i decided to watch into the wild. i'd never seen it and it would be an understatement to say that it impacted me. the fact that this young, ambitious, intelligent person declined everything anyone but nature had to offer him, escaping the stronghold of society inspires me beyond measure. i wrote my thoughts in another place, but it meant a lot. got me thinking. i needed it.

after the movie, i was in a different place mentally and emotionally. we watched the sunset, and it was one of the most beautiful moments i've ever had. later on, we played some guitar, and a plural game, before eran drove alice, edai, and myself to tel aviv so i could meet my brother. i walked in the mall and from the escalator up, i spotted my bro and yelled his name, we both ran to meet in the middle, him upwards, me down. it was such a sweet moment. we couldn't stop hugging. i was so happy to see him. he's proud of me. i am proud of him. we ate some food and arms around each other, took a great polaroid that i can't now seem to find. but we decided to meet their birthright group at a beach bar called, la mer. the music was terrible, but i met a very interesting person/musician. and of course, i got to hang out with my brother and indulge in some nargilah which was more worth it than anyone will ever know. once it was time for them to leave, we hugggggggggged and said nighty night. alice and i walked to the sub kuch and hung out for a long long long time before her soccer partner picked us up in his loud, fast mazda or something. it was really a funny ride.

we got home at 3:30AM only to wake up at 8AM for a trip into some ancient caves. i was not excited when i woke up. pretty grumpy even. but we went and it was really cool. mostly dove breeding caves for food and fertilizer and caves to keep the dead. really interesting. then we went to a tank museum, containing 160 tanks from around the world, including the new mach4 top secret israeli tank. eddie would have loved it. i told him i'd take photos. after the trip, we came home and imanuel stopped by to hang out and share some israeli music and photos from his travels. he's a really cool guy. glad we're friends with him. so fucking funny. went to bed late after reading a great article about chris mccandles, the kid who inspired into the wild.

alice and i had a great talk last night. i won't get too into it because it's something that's very personal. what i will say is that i find myself doing everything for approval in every aspect of my life. i'm tired of it. there have been times when i've not cared what others thought. i want to get back there. to think for myself. to create things for their own sake rather than what others think. it's just fucking bullshit and i'm better than that. that's all there is to it. and allowing myself to get sucked into the petty concerns of life. even relationships. it's time to wake up. be strong. be me. ok. i'm glad she's here. i get challenged in good ways. it's important to talk about this.

today we went to volcani. i fucking love it there. and rachael is my favorite. alli and i realized today that even if a grown man fucked with me, rachael would kick his ass. that makes me proud. i pulled weeds in the field. it felt good to get dirty and sweaty. i spoke to the woman about getting jobs after the program is over in two fucking weeks. she said she'd look into it. that would be great. after we got home, i called marissa because she is my best buddy and having a hard time at law school. i just want to give her a hug and tell her everything wll be fine. i just want her to be happy. she's just sysiphus on the mountain. now i'm napping. talk soon.



Friday, January 2, 2009

speak, baby speak, tell me i'm weak

al and i got a bus to jerusalem
met dad and joan with their tour guide, tomer
drove to kibbutz tzuba, where dad and joan were staying
hung out at reception and got some yummy sandwiches, talking about the trip
got showered, best feeling ever ever ever
watched figure skating, latin ballroom, and interpretive dance
woke up and had breakfast
dreamy guys everywhere
al and i found out how we can work there
took a walk around the grounds, pretty place
left for eilat
got a little lost (tense!)
went to where the dead sea scrolls were found and saw a video and the ancient grounds
really cool, place to hike
drove more to the dead sea, ate there (didn't get in, dad didn't want to leave the car)
drove more to masada, BARELY made the cable car thingy
got up to the top, gave dad bar mitzvah since he's never had one (really sweet)
i asked for a talit from oranim, gave it to him and had him say a tali prayer in hebrew at the best lookout of all masada. he liked it :)
took the last cable car and got back down
saw harper WEIRD
drove to eilat at sunset/night
looked at stars
amazing views
got to hotel after getting SUPER lost driving through las vegas of israel
walked to dinner at italian place, after problem woman changing kid on table
got back and got ready, met birthright group at unplugged
danced on bar and drank
really smelly dude (al's boyfriend)
met adam smith and boys
facebooking adam smith
maybe like, one smeethome
woke at 6 for petra
picked up at other hotels
got to border
waited a lot
got through the jordanian border (cancelled our visas)
cool gift shop, turkish coffee oasis
finally got on a bus
drove 2 and a half hours
really cool photos shot out the window of the bus
crazy dilapidated towns
amazing looking people
arrived at petra
molested by shop guys who gave us cool head scarves
one put a burka on my face, it was really scary
i felt like a woman who was being trapped
started walking down through the canyon
most amazing thing i've seen ever
horses and beduins and carved out rock homes and temples
finally walked through a narrow canyon and emerged in a huge open space, revealing the most amazing thing i've ever seen
a huge ornate temple carved out of a mountain face
took lots of photos:
dad and joan with camel, al with guard on cell phone
people like their picture taken here, not in israel
made some little hustler friends (young girls trying to sell us postcards)
we finally left them, kept climbing and taking in the atmosphere
it felt as if we were back in the spice route times
really amazing jewelry places
no money
found horses in front of a carved out house
climbed up carved out stairs and just sat for a minute taking everything in
very peaceful
walked back most of the way, then talked our way into riding some horses the rest of the way
got to the oriental restaurant and ate some jordanian food with boring/exciting kentucky people
i asked if they knew jim james. they didn't
we almost left al because she took too long to shop, then almost got hit by a bus
drove a long way to the border, through the mountains and amazing landscape of jordan, at sunset
got to the border, just barely got through due to border stuff
got showered up and ready for dinner
found this yummy place called pago pago
ate an amazing calamari salad
got sea sick since the restaurant was a boat
talked about favorite things
got home and vegged out
watched movies
fell asleep
woke up next morning kinda late, got breakfast
checked out of hotel
drove through the negev, to ramon crater
really amazing museum and lookout
the most beautiful scenery i've ever seen
drove to the kibbutz where ben gurion is buried
walked in on an IDF swearing in ceremony
just so many young, new soldiers
it was interesting because the war just started and these are all just kids
we didn't find ben gurion's house, but we did find a little cafe to eat
afterwards, we got really lost in the beduin suburbs but finally found the house
got convinced into a wine tasting by a guy from cali that started a vineyard out here
got to ben gurion's house right before it closed, had to maneuver through lots of soldiers
on the way out, we discovered a "yad shniyah" shop (means second hand in hebrew)--i'm a genius
dad almost bought be a 35mm film body, but it had a scratch
there were the most amazing sweaters ever
the shop keeper told us that be'er sheva was a danger zone, so we should go around it
it's a good thing because we were going to stop there
we left and drove more through the desert
more beautiful scenery
took a really long time to get to ramla, but we finally did
said goodbye to dad and joan
started to decompress and get ready for new year's eve
imanuel stopped by and we hung out for a while
he showed us this:

really impressed, israeli musician
it got so late that al and i just did the countdown to new year's in the kitchen, took a shot of vodka, kissed, and watched darjeeling limited before going to sleep
i video chatted with josh, which was great. i really miss him.
woke up yesterday and fiddled around a bit, cleaning for naama to bring a municipality worker by the house
i need to grow up kinda
we had a security meeting at the apartment about what to do in case of an emergency
walked home and chilled before meeting the kids at nave yonatan so i could show them the photos they took last week
on the way i found a little woven arrow attached to a branch, i found a pink shoelace and tied a bow on the end to prevent the ends from fraying further
decided to give it to dad and joan because it represents israel:
it has a point or goal, but the edges are starting to come apart, except they are tying everything together to keep it together
when i arrived, we got on the computer at the school and was very impressed by one girl's work. she has an eye for sure
i showed them some of my work
next week i'll bring the cameras, they seemed kinda disappointed that i didn't bring them
got done and headed out on the slowest sheruit i've ever been on with the worst driver possible
got to tel aviv and just took a fucking cab to meet dad and joan at the tel aviv museum of art
the guy dropped me off at the wrong corner and i got all flustered and hurried trying to find them since i was supposed to have been there a whole hour and a half before (but i did have a pretty sweet conversation with the cab driver in all hebrew)
we finally met up and drove around for a while trying to find someplace to eat before getting to the airport
i'm really proud of how they have navigated with the rental car
they get terribly lost always
but it makes me appreciative that i don't drive here
decided to just go to the airport, got gas miraculously and laughed about accents
spent some time getting things sent and eating sandwiches
we talked about their favorite parts of the trip and al got to say goodbye over the phone
we hung out a little more and then stood in the security line until it was time to go to the terminal
everyone got all flustered in line and it was funny
really good looking guys work at the airport
they got check in and it was time to say goodbye to dad and joan
i don't know when i'll get to see my dad next so it was really sad
no tears then, but big hugs and kisses and love
i will miss my dad very much
he's the best dad ever and i told him so
we waved goodbye one last time and i walked away, looking back
as soon as i left them a wave of sadness hit me
i almost cried, but had to figure out how to get to the train to tel aviv to meet al, so i did
joan gave me this sick photo book from an amazing photojournalist that has been documenting all the fucked up stuff going on during the war in israel named pavel wolberg
i suggest him
waiting for the train, i met this cool australian guy traveling with his girlfriend
told him about the sub kuch, we rode on the train together, then walked to the bus station once in tel aviv
al called me from the station right when we got there, so we met, i said goodbye to the aussie and we walked to the sub kuch
lots of good looking guys there last night, but all we did was look
we just spent the night hanging with sagi, daniel, mayyan, and everyone else
saw yanez, kinda weird
met asaf who is working on a global awareness project in the form of a music festival in the south near be'er sheva
got his number
daniel gave me the asaf avidan CD!@!!!!! ("eets a plesent")
best present ever
alice really wanted to go home so we grabbed a cab after some treats
i got woken up as soon as we got home and we passed out
this morning, alice thought i was sleep-picking-my-nose
we've basically just been bumming around all day, excpet to get some groceries
made some eggs with challah
i've been writing this fucking thing all day, catching up with friends, looking at photos and hip hop choreography videos
talked to eddie who is in jerualem, but he's so busy that i haven't gotten to see him yet
i can't wait until he gets to tel aviv
i miss the shit outta that guy
so tonight al and i are gonig to natanya supposedly
love everyone...


new photos here

and here