i've been first and last. look at how the time has passed.

before we went to bed last night, i had a convo with alli about what we wish we could change about ourselves and i realized because i think i know myself well since i've analyzed myself to death in every situation, i limit myself so i should just let go of what i think i know and just react and try to change. i think too fucking much. i always worry about why i'm not doing something instead of just doing it.

this morning we went to the elderly center. we walked in and saw eric and met guy, the israeli volunteer and ofra, the director there. then she showed us where the arts and crafts room is. there's people working on beaded pictures, and knitting, and amazing stuff. they even have a cabinet with the best work, which is pretty beautiful. i was really impressed. ofra said that they were pretty empty today so i started tracing a turkey by this one old man. we met. i think he loves me. his name is israel.

next we went into the next room for body aerobics, or stretching and mild calisthenics. i think i even got a little workout! my boyfriend, israel, stood next to me. he's a doll. these women have the most amazing style i've ever seen. i would pillage their closets. i'm not kidding either. this one lady was wearing this amazing print dress with a sick green cardigan, sweat pants, and a beautiful scarf on her head. all ridiculous, but together they were stunning. note to self. dress like old ladies.

after aerobics, a rabbi came to speak about this week's shabbat torah portion, of course in hebrew, so al and i tried to figure out what he was saying, while one by one, all the oldies starting falling asleep. afterwards, we went back into the arts and crafts room and i boldly declared that i would learn how to knit. i grabbed two needles and a ball of yarn and sat there and boldly stared at them. i seemed to say, 'alright mother fuckers, are you gonna knit yourselves, or what." the woman next to me, adela, reached over and gave me the hand gesture that means in israel 'to wait'. i watched very closely and carefully as she rapidly started a hat for me and handed me the needles. i started the stitch. and then i stopped the stitch. and then i stared some more. and then i looked at her with sad eyes. "slicha, ech?" which means "excuse me, how?" anyway, i finally got the hang of the easy version of the stitch that she started with after i fucked up what she started and had to re-do it over and over. she got annoyed at first, but then i was so pathetic that she just laughed about it and shrugged her shoulders. i was so concentrated when i actually figured out what i was doing. i think i could work with my hands all day, doing crafts or construction. that's the only time that i'm truly focused. very weird.

we retreated to the lunch hall after i fucked up my knitting for the last time and helped the workers serve food and water to the oldies. eric pointed out the dreamy outfit lady and how she asks for bread "lechem" as she pats his face, and then proceeds to stuff as much of it as she can into her purse. as he's telling us this, she calls him over, and i see her mouth the words, "lechem, lechem" as she pats his cheek. it's cute, but i think these people do this, because they are so poor they have to find ways to get what they can. after the dining hall cleared out, we were fed. best food ever. i had schnitzel and veggies and potatoes. not baddddddddd.

al and i walked home debating bout love, mating, sex, marriage, etc. i forgot what i realized about this. but i remembered that when i was in college i realized that no matter what i did, it wouldn't matter someday, so i could just do what i felt. i think i'll do that. i'm tired of feeling so constricted.

got home, went to work. todd showed me the first mock up of the website with my photos. doesn't look too bad. then zvi asked for some photos for the GA visit to ramla, so i went through my flickr and he chose a few. he was in a rush to leave, so he did. he called me a few minutes later just to tell me that he appreciates me and my gift. i almost cried. later, on one of my interviews, i was talking to this guy working in finance and business about how when i was in college, i avoided the business building like the plague, probably because i didn't understand it and business majors represented everything i hate about the world: materialism, gluttonous consumption, and greed. but now i regret not studying it, business would help me nowadays with my art, etc. that's what i get for not researching something because i didn't know about it, so i was scared, so i didn't learn about it. and blah blah blah. vicious cycle. the dangers of ignorance.

got home at 11:30-sih and watched this weird movie about sex addiction called love sick. i didn't watch the whole thing. addiction is really interesting. i was thinking about blake while i was watching this. he says we're all addicted to something. i agree with him. i miss that guy. falling asleep to phosphorescent. tomorrow i'll create an event on facebook so we can have a halloween party at our house!!!!!!!!

more soon. tomorrow going to tel aviv maybe. love everyone. i miss things.

love,

sally