our work is never over

well, waking up was really hard today. especially because i spent so much time writing my entry last night. learned my lesson not to wait so long. but i can't help that i'm so busy doing crazy shit all the time. or can i...?

anyway, went to ulpan this morning. had a good day there. my hebrew is getting better. i noticed that i can now understand a lot of what people are talking about as well as aaaaaalmost being able to have half-conversations with people. not bad at all. wasn't supposed to work today, but we needed extra people, so i went home to get ready. jodi and i had a chat about relationships and the meaning of life. i came to the conclusion that i:

1) believe that relationships are by-products of the human loneliness, and we are not really biologically pre-disposed to pair off for life as we seem to think we must.

2) act as if i don't believe any of these things and just want someone to kiss and cuddle with and make love to and dicsuss things with and laugh with and read books with and we will be together and happy forever. despite the fact that i've never actually seen this happen. (little side note: i was watching 'look who's talking now', the one with the dogs and i noticed that there are barely any movies depicting real-ish, shlubby looking married couples that have problems but love each other and are happy anyway, even after kids and dogs and jealousy and firings and bullshit. does that even exist? fuck i love that movie.)

3) think one reason i may have trouble having goals is that i don't believe anything really means anything. once the world ends, it won't fucking matter whether i get a ph.d. and cure cancer, or i buy this shirt. i don't know. fuck being cynical can be depressing. but maybe that's why i get depressed and can't fall in "love" or feel like i'm capable of doing anything significant. maybe because i don't believe 'significance' exists. meh.

so that's just a little rotten fruit for thought, i guess...

zvi, our new director, came by the house to talk to us about his wishes for the success of our program since they are about to launch ISC for free, and how it will expand. furthermore, he brought up the idea of helping ramla by writing an article, interviewing arabs, jews, and others in ramla and then sending it to our citys' newspapers to get the word out. he also asked us to try and come up with a project for ramla as a mixed jew and arab city to promote tolerance, after a pretty crazy incident in acko (a mixed city in the north of israel), where an arab was attacked over the holidays. we had come up with the idea to host a festival to introduce ourselves as the ISC group, but i thought maybe we should have a festival with both arabs and israelis promoting their own food, dancing, music, and cultural artifacts. zvi seems to think that we can get people to come to anything with free food. so that's a possiblity. i wonder if what we're doing here is actually helping. and i wonder if all of the jews coming back to israel is right. i feel like there's such a lack of balanced information about the arab population. and the tension is palpable.

after our meeting, zvi drove us to the office and we made calls all night as usual, talking to potential ISC participants. even talked to momo, and he said that since we are recruiting ISC for free and this development is happening while we are here, he will be giving us a raise to help reimburse our tuition. i am happy with the raise, BTW. ate pizza. ALICE GOT PACKAGES FROM HER MOM WITH TORTILLAS, SALSA, MAPLE SYRUP, and PANCAKE PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

this party is redunk. i'm goin to a fan freakin party. and it has breakfast tacos and pancakes.

so we came home and opened the packages. and i wrote a fucking ridiculous song. fucking wow. i'm really happy with it. i recorded it and posted it on my myspace.

i love everyone. we're going to the old folks home tomorrow and bringing the video camera. OH! i've been commissioned to take photos for the new ISC website. more news later. i'm gonna get mad credit though. ok i'm waking up in 3-ish hours. i'm insane. damnit.

love,

sally