and on and on and on

today was interesting. i slept in, and woke up at 11!!! couldn't sleep later than that. oh well. started editing photos and since i was fasting, i just laid in bed on my computer listening to joanna newsom, conor oberst, and lily allen play DJ's on npr, talking about their influences, favorite songs, and their own music. it all got me in a very melancholy mood. i wished i could be joanna newsom, so magnificently articulate, uniquely voiced, sweet, and authentically and singularly humble. and so fucking talented. god. if i could be one woman... and listening to conor oberst talk about his music and i just admire his disclosure. the way he can just paint a picture with his words. 'lua' makes me cry. i wish i could play and write like him. i honestly just wish that music just flowed out of me. i have ideas all the time, i wish it wasn't so hard for me to sit down and write a song. but i love playing and performing and even writing. i'm proud when i finish something, but i wish it spoke to me even half as well as 'i'm wide awake, it's morning' does. or the way lyrics from 'milk eyed mender' make me swoon. i was just really getting upset that i'm not really great at any one thing and that i'll be mediocre at everything forever. how's that for a fun morning?

when i get melancholy, i generally get super nostalgic. and i have been all day today. really. homesick. i sat outside for a minute just taking everything in. i thought to myself that i really just want to change. how do i do that? i don't even know what i want to change. i mean, i do. but the thing that i realized today, and i don't even know what to make of it, is that the only person that can decide for me to change is myself. i control my mind, and my body. and if i can't then no one can. so i just need to be strong enough to make my own decisions and stick to them. that's all. but i did start writing a song. it's called 'on and on and on'. i recorded the first verse on my computer since alon borrowed my guitar today. i don't like being away from my guitar. even when i don't play it, i feel weird when it's not there.

anyway, around 5:30PM, naama picked al and i up and we walked past the yemenite synagogue to the morroccan synagogue to hear the shofar from the outside. that lasted about 2 minutes, then we walked home and cooked the eggplant that we grabbed from the field. also schnitzel and pudding. it was delicious. then eric came home and we smoked nargilah (hookah) outside and talked for a while. i watched a bit of finding neverland, which is a really sad but very sweet movie. makes me think of being a dreamer. i should do that too. oh! and i talked to my dad and step-mom. that was nice. happy yom kippur mom, dad, and eddie. love you guys. i've also been trying to re-connect with a very good friend of mine via email, which is weird. but i think it's fine now. and i got a very sweet email from another very good friend of mine. lots of good vibes coming from overseas. thanks everyone. :)

tomorrow, there's a girl coming to visit the house. she was a participant in another volunteer program. we'll show her around and if she wishes, she'll move into our house and eric will move into the apartment, since mike went home. tessa is her name. so we may have another roomate. al and i just had a really amazing name-calling match. now i'm going to bed.

love,

sally